Mr Joe Blog's Blog!

Wheres the funny?

2011-07-12T12:43:00.001-07:00

To be found on this site. Often hidden well like the answers in the final News Of The World crossword.

Isnt Sky News reporting on hacking scandal akin to a family member doing your autopsy.

News International implosion, a bit like the death star exploding. Gene Hackman rumoured to be starring in movie with music by Taylor Hackford.

I have never used hacking in any of my news scoops though I did have a bad cough while writing this.

2009-03-17T09:37:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2009-03-16T03:43:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Should Snowmen be allowed to adopt?

2009-02-02T12:43:00.001-08:00

Ramblings

2008-10-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

Spare a thought for the person most affected by the credit crisis... the deal or no deal banker. And no ones banking on Weakest Link anymore.

Ringo Starr has asked fans not to request autographs and all requested will be tossed after 20th October. Not much of a paperback writer then. Stevie Wonders much better he always signs, seals and delivers.

News Stories that contradict common phrases:

Dr Harold Shipman murdered over 100 patients...trust me I'm a doctor
Millions lost as Icelandic banks slump...you can bank on it
Politician Peter Mandelson returns to government after 2 dismissals...your fired!

Any Offers?

2008-07-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

Having declined £50 for this site, I was interested to read an old guest on here was looking to trade his house. Yes thats right Kyle MacDonald, the man who traded a paperclip for a house, is now trading up again.

Also interviewed in The New York Post, this quote shows you his thoughts after the whole exprience, "It's about what possibilities are out there," he says. "We look at the world and go, 'That's the way it is.' But there's no one way the world is."

I contacted Kyle to see if he'd accept my trade.

Joe Blogs : The whole concept of One Red Paperclip is obviously an ingenius idea you had that grew and grew. Whats been the second most successful idea you have come up with apart from One Red Paperclip, or does nothing else come close?

Kyle MacDonald : Really, the only thing I've ever tried to do is find out who these guys are: http://www.whoaretheseguys.com/

Joe Blogs : I read somewhere a movie was in the pipeline, what can you tell us about this?(im a movie nerd)

Kyle MacDonald : I know about as much as you do on this. Dreamworks has the rights to the 'one red paperclip' story as a film or TV. It might get made, might not. I sure hope it does!

Joe Blogs : House prices are falling in the UK, would you accept a turquoise paperclip for your house? (I'm sure I'm the first person to ever ask this question)

Kyle MacDonald : How big is it....and what is it made of?

Joe Blogs : My paperclip? Oh yes erm it's fit for purpose as they said about the captain aboard the Titanic. Not only does it hold paper together, but if you bend it out you can pick locks. It is made of steel, incorporates nanotechnology, and is available in mutli packs for 99 pence! My Ex returned it as she thought our relationship was going no where, it was too stationary.

Joe Blogs : Seen as your stationary is so valuable do you store your pencil case in a safety deposit box?

Kyle Macdonald : What's a pencil case?

Interview terminated due to transatlantic language difficulties.

HOUSE FOR SALE

Oh and just to prove what a legend he has become he appeared on the Richard & Judy show!

Joe Blogs : What did you make of them?

Kyle MacDonald : They are nice.

Joe Blogs : Do they seem to get on?

Kyle MacDonald : I'm not sure what that means, but it was really hard to tell how they really were cause we only talked when they were in "TV mode" and they had so much makeup on it didn't really seem like their real thoughts could be read. Makeup makes people look really smiley and professional.

Joe Blogs : Did you like Richards bad jokes?

Kyle MacDonald : Yes, he's quite the champ in many respects.

Joe Blogs : Were you impressed with the gnomes they traded for your umbrella?

Kyle MacDonald : Oh yes. I liked the gnome so much I even traded it with somebody right away. I forget what I got in return.

My Junk Email Exposed

2008-01-30T06:02:00.000-08:00

#4 Basil's Fawlty Business Proposal

Dear Owen
I crave your indulgence at this mail coming from somebody you have not met before. I decided to do this after praying over the situation, you should please consider this transaction on its content and not the fact that we have not met before. I need not dwell on how I came by your contact information because there are many such possibilities these days.

I would like to introduce myself as Mr Basil Omiyi; I am the procurement director with Shell petroleum plc Nigeria. To begin with sir, A contract of $50 million was awarded to one Mr. Whyte a U S national to supply raw material to our flow station at Eleme Port-Harcourt, River State South of Nigeria, Mr. Whyte has since completed the contract awarded to him and shell has paid him half of his contract fee of $25 million, he was asked to come back on the 12th of December 2005 for the payment of his outstanding fee of $25 million. However tragedy struck as Mr. Whyte was among the passengers on board sosoliso Airline that clashed on the 11th of December 2005 from Abuja to port-Harcourt arround 7:47, if you are conversant with world news you would have heard about the clash.

Sir all avenue has been exploited to locate any member of his family, but all to know avail, a later was also sent to his address but it was returned on the basis that Mr. Whyte has no living relation. So I am seeking for your assistance to stand in as next of kin to Mr.Whyte and allow me to transfer the balance of $25 million into your account, I will give you 40% of the money and 50% for me then 10% will be for any expenses we will incur in the course of this transaction, I assure you Sir that this transaction is 100% risk free.

If you are interested in this transaction. Reply as soon as possible via my email for more information and please keep this absolutely confidential. Although, I am in London at the moment for an official duty Thanks for your cooperation. I await your urgent response.

Basil Omiyi

Comment : Firstly my name is not Owen. Same old story here. 40% of $25 million, and a tragic plane crash.. Need not dwell on how he came about my contact information? Thats nice for him.

You crave my indulgence? I bet you do and a couple of zeros added to the end of your bank account no doubt.I like to think of myself as conversant with world news, but no I hadnt heard about this crash. If you were conversant with world news Basil you would have heard of fraud and scams by email.

Aside from the transaction being 100% risk free as you claim, I just cannot do business with someone called Basil.

My Junk Email Exposed

2008-01-30T05:57:00.000-08:00

#3 More Foreign Remittance

FROM THE DESK OF MR.IDRIS MUSA
BILL AND EXCHANGE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA ( BOA) OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO

Dear friend, Compliments, I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICA. I am writting to seek your coperation over this business deal. In my department, I discovered an abandoned sum of$15million USD(Fifteen million US dollars)only , in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in a plane crash that took place in Kenya,East Africa, the Late DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY,a citizen of Atlanta,United States of America but naturalised in Burkinafaso,WestAfrica and contractor with ECOWAS,(ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES) .Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because it cannot be released unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately , all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this businness proposal to you and release the money to you via your foreign bank account as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and this money Could go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill. The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclamed after four years, the money will betransfered into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund.

The request for your assistance and maximum co-operation as a foreign citizen to stand as the next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the deceased customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.40 % of this money will be for you as my foreign partner, inrespect to the provision of a foreign account. 10 %will be set aside for expences incured during the business and 50 % would be for me. There after I will come over to your country for disbursement accoding to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate trnansfer of this fund to you as arranged,you must apply first to the bank as the relation or next of kin to the deceased, indicating your claims and wherein the money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of application which you will fill and submit to the office of the foreign remittance director of the bank of africa.I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is stricly confidential and i will use my position in this Bank to effect a hitch free transfer of the fund. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Please , visit the website below for more informations about the Plane Crash and the tragic death of the deceased and his entire family, Late DR.GEORGE BRUMLEY. http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html

Your・s faithfully,
MR.IDRIS MUSA

Comment : Wow, looks like I'm in the money again. Strangely similar to the last email, only this time I only get 40% of $15 million. 10% will be spent on expenses? I didn't realise you had any, unless you are a heavy drinker? So a Burkinabe cannot take receipt of the money. More importantly what a lovely word, Burkinabe.

So I'm learning thats its impossible for people in Burkino Faso to withdraw money and the planes are not too reliable.

My Junk Email Exposed

2008-01-30T05:50:00.000-08:00

#2 I'm In The Money!

FROM THE DESK OF MR.WILSON KABORE
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER
BANQUE ATLANTIQUE-OUAGADOUGOUBURKINA FASO.

Trust/Confidential proposal

Dear Friend, Please this is important and very urgent i have an urgent transaction of $20.6 million usd to transfer to your nominated account, I am mr wilson kabore i am an Auditor, with Accounting Department,BANQUE ATLANTIQUE here in OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO.

Aftergoing through some old files in the records, I discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. The owner of this account unfortunately died in the plane crash of Union Transport Africains Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou, Benin republic on the december 25, 2003. You will read more stories about the crash on visiting this website www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/

No other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it,the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that his company does not know anything about this account and the amount involved is (USD 20.6 MILLION) Twenty million Six Hunderd Thousend United States Dollars. I want to transfer the USD 20.6 MILLION) Twenty million Six Hunderd Thousend United States Dollars into a safe foreigners account abroad , but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local bank here, but can only be approved to any foreign account because the money is in US dollars and the former owner of the account is a foreigner too. I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know our selves before, but be rest assure that this is life time business for both of us even for our generation to come.

With believe in God that you will never let me down in this business. You are the only person that I have contacted in this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently, Send also your private telephone and fax number. I want us to meet face to face or sign a binding agreement to bind us together so that you can receive this money into a foreign account or any account of your choice where the fund will be safe.

I will fly to your country for withdrawal and sharing and other investments. I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with foreign account and foreign beneficiary. I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information about this account, which I will feed you with, if you are able and with capability to handle such amount in strict confidence and trust according to my instructions and advice for our mutual benefit because this opportunity will never come again in my life. I need truthful person in this business because I don't want to make mistake I need your strong assurance and trust.

With my position now in the office I can transfer this money to any foreign reliable account, which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. And i want to remind you that your share has been carculated at 35% of the total sum. I'am waiting for your urgent reply so that i will give you more information about this deal. Please reply back to my private email address wilson_kabore@yahoo.com)With regards, Mr WILSON KABORE.

Comment : 35% of $20.6 million, not a bad days work for just opening an email. So I'm the beneficiary because I'm a foreigner presumably with an account. Lucky me. So Wilson wants to fly over to split the dosh, hes very trusting isnt he.

My Junk Email Exposed

2008-01-30T05:45:00.000-08:00

The idea of this series is to show the rubbish that gets sent too my email account daily. And thats it really. Hopefully some comment and humour can be derived from it.

#1 A Friend In Need?

Dear Friend,
I am wife of sacked deputy president of south africa, jacob zuma. It is out of desperation that i am sending you this mail. my husband and i need your help in fronting for us as owner of funds that are his which might come under investigation soon if the fund's ownership is not changed soonest. as my husband's finances are increasingly becoming the source of investigation by our distractors. the source of these funds which my husband's earnings would not validate, will further sink him into the cesspool dug by our enemies.

It is because of the dire strait we find ourselves that we resolved to reach you and ask for your assistance in this matter. we are averse to letting those we know here into this deal because we are no longer sure of who our friends are. you will be rewarded if you choose to help us in partnership in this deal. I will be expecting to hear from you via my personal email account(mrszumal@yahoo.es) and will disclose further detail to you upon your response. do well not to disclose the content of this mail to anyone.

Best Regards,
Lindiwe Zuma

Comment : The wife of the sacked deputy president of South Africa, I didnt know I had friends in such high places. Jacob Zuma is the current president of the governing party ANC. He admits to being a polygamist and has been married 4 times. Though I cant see Lindiwe listed anywhere as his wife.

He is being investigated by the National Prosecuting Authority for corruption surrounding an arms deal, including tax evasion, money laundering, and racketeering. And Lindiwe wants me to front ownership of his funds. Well I won't be emailing her just yet...

New Season of Joe Blogs Blog!

2007-11-12T14:02:00.001-08:00

Hi readers, welcome back for Season 2. Unattended blogs are like over run gardens, the weeds take over, well i'm back with more explosive material than a Chinese factory making Mattel toys. I should work for Royal Mail our beleagured national postal system, no post since August 14.

I wanted to end it but Kathy Bates reprised her role from Misery, told me she was my number 1 fan, hobbled me and is making me type this post in a remote outhouse. I almost escaped but she found out I had been out of my locked room, she noticed her favourite ‘rabbit’ wasn’t facing due south.. I would like to smash her round the head with my monitor but she reads this..

King Tutenkhamuns body was shown for all to see recently. He died at the age of 19 and his buck teeth are still evident. Shame there were no good dentists in those days. They bought him back out for Halloween. I might add Tutenkhamun to my Facebook, though if I poke him he might break. He'll be lucky if anyone adds him with that face.

F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton has left Britain for Switzerland siting wanting to live a normal live as the main reason, tax is not an issue I suppose. Though its fitting he goes to Geneva as the convention was set up to help the human rights of millionaire playboys.

Britney Spears was left in tears after a custody meeting, she then had sex with a magician who made her tears disappear.

Some strange laws I came across :
It is illegal for London taxis to carry rabid dogs or corpses, that excludes Britney Spears on a night out.

It is illegal to die in the Houses Of Parliament. How can that be? I'm presuming you wouldn't have much choice in the matter. It is fine to tell lies and make broken promises though. Dieing politically is another story.

It is treason to place a British postage stamp with the Queens head upside down. But its fine for Prince Harry to snort Vodka.

In France you cannot call a pig Napoleon. Or presumably a frog.

In other news, a 13 year old Illinois school girl got detention for hugging two friends. What kind of puritanical place is America. Maybe they preach about God versus Huggy Bear nowadays. They are certainly putting the squeeze on student displays of affection.

Heather Mills-McCartney complains the media victimize her. I can't explain it, I just can't help it, if Paul McCartney was a real beetle she would have been done for animal cruelty, whats shes put him through. All for a bit of beetle juice. He should have realised on the night before his wedding, she will step on a stag beetle.

So Kiefer Sutherland is going to serve time for DUI. Wonder if he ever acts under the influence, from his father.

New Films
In Saw IV the Jigsaw killer lives on. Incredibly before dying he tape recorded various new games for future victims. This guy should work for the Olympic planning committee. If Jigsaw man did Sat Nav, “Joe, I want to play a game, do as I say and you will increase your chance of surviving, now turn left…”

Anyone see Hostel 2? I can’t believe that hostel is still in business. You never get your passport back, you get drugged then tortured and killed. I wonder what star rating they get. I’d prefer to stay at Fawlty Towers.

Tourism can’t have been helped in Alaska this winter with the film 30 Days Of Night. The title is a give away but the film also features supernatural flesh eating zombies. Come to Alaska for the cold winter bite.

Joes View

2007-08-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

F1 Racing driver Lewis Hamilton is dating the boss' daughter. Apparently he likes her lap dances. He must really like living in the fast lane. His boss will know about all the moves he might try.

A poet has been employed to read at Reading Station. The amount of waiting time she could read War And Peace.An arrest warrant is out for new Man City football club owner Thaksin Shinawatra. Maybe he has been playing away from home.

If Karl Rove is Bush's Brain then what is Dick Cheney?

O.J. Simpson's book If I Did It is to be published, along with JFK's If I was Shot, and Bill Clinton's What If I Did Have Sexual Relations With That Woman.

Hate sequels, I didn't like going through rush hour the first time. Too long and was going nowhere.

Baby Spice lives up to her name and has a baby.

The Bourne Rhodedendrum, Jason Bourne tries to stop a botanist from blowing up the world.
Bourne Free, Jason releases lions on heat seeking missiles.
Bourne Again, Mel Gibson to direct.
Bjorn Ultimatum, serve an ace or die.

A man has had his hand surgically whittled to be better able to use the Iphone touch screen. They should make a phone for him, the Ipodge.

An ancient forest has been discovered in Hungary, tree trunks 8 million years old. That's a lot of rings to count. More than Elizabeth Taylor has.

A girl who works in a sandwich shop overdosed on coffee. She might be one sandwich short of a picnic. I know listening to too much Ice T can be bad for your health though.

Karl Rove has stepped down. The retired neo-con helped Bush into power. Imagine Rove in a retirement home.
Karl Rove : Hell, Nurse wheres my dinner?
Nurse : It'll be ready in 45 minutes.
Karl Rove : I don't believe you. That Stevie Wonder is playing his music too loud.
Nurse : Let me plump your pillow. Settle down now.
(Rove sneaks out, enters Stevie Wonders room and turns off the record player)
Stevie Wonder : Who's that, turn my music back on.
later on...
Nurse : Did you turn off Stevie's record player?
Karl Rove : I must admit I did, it was a pre-emptive strike.
Nurse : And you shouted at Buffy The Vampire Slayer next door?
Karl Rove : Understand, its a war on Sarah Michelle Geller.

Insert Title Here

2007-07-31T11:16:00.000-07:00

Premiership football clubs who have spent millions on new players have already won a title, "Hey Big Spender".

New green version of Madness song Driving In My Car, "I go driving in my car, it wiped out the jaguar."

When Gordon Brown talks I can see his lips moving but can’t take anything in that he says. Even lip readers lose interest, and start focusing on his tie. People who do sign language start playing rock, scissors and stone.

Many people lost out on insurance policies when Enron collapsed, opposition leader David Cameron knows what it’s like to have no policies.

Michael Moores documentary on the American health care systems exposes that George Clooney is not going to be your doctor.

Laura Bush : First Blair and now Brown
George Bush : What?
Laura Bush : Another special relationship, whats a girl to think?
George Bush : You worry too much, I'm just brown nosing.
Laura Bush : Well OK I wouldn't worry so much but I remember you and camp David.

Recap

2007-07-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

Gordon Brown has one fan at least, Aretha Franklin, 'the only man who ever loved me was... the son of a preacher man.'

The British government has banned Russian diplomats, you only get out what you putin.

After the BBC faked footage of the Queen, they have decided to come clean on a number of issues, BBC spokeswoman Meg Ryan, admitted the corporation was guilty of faking it, and came clean on a number of issues, "the moon landing, JFK assassination, and Dr Who is not actually a registered Doctor." Meg Ryan has a new film out, Deceitful In Seattle.

Floods in Britain means you can go fishing for Blu-Ray DVDs.

Tony Blair proposed to Cherie in a lav, its no wonder this country has gone down the toilet. Maybe Tony thought the engaged sign on the door was a hint.

Cruise : how ya doin Becks
Beckham : good thanks, I touched down in LA
Cruise : wow u only just arrived and you scored on the soccer field
Beckham : um no..

There is not much original music around, so many covers, more than Wimbledon this year.

Anyone who asks the quickest way to a mans heart should ask the steward at the javelin throwing contest.

With talk of doping in golf, two spectators were struck. A case of roid rage? Drugs might be par for the course.

Bush has had a semicolonoscopy to sort out his grammar.

Joe Blog's Interview #115 The Iraqi Dentist

2007-05-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

Name : Omar
Age : mid-twenties
Location :Baghdad
Vocation :Dentist
Philosophy : yet to choose one

Sum up what your blog is about.
Iraq and the war on terror, that's what it's pretty much about.

Why are you doing your blog?
To tell the world what's going on from an Iraqi perspective.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
No funny entries on my blog as far as I know. War and politics at a time of war leave little, if any, space for humorous writing.

What is your writing style?
I honestly don't know. I haven’t received any training for writing so I just write whatever comes to my mind and feel is worth mentioning...I simply let the ideas decide the shape of the posts.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Things range from "excellent, informative, reliable" to "fake, propaganda, full of lies".

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Pulling and filling more teeth.

Why should someone visit your site?
I think the visitors can answer this one better, maybe because they enjoy our reporting or because they want to know what some guy in Baghdad thinks about the situation in Iraq.

What did you learn from your first love?
There was no such thing,

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yeah, there's a bunch of blogs that I read quite often including Instapundit, Mudvill Gazette, The Fourth Rail, Michael Totten, Sandmonkey and many others.

What makes you feel positive about Iraq today?
The resiliency of our people and their love for life.

What conclusions have you come to over the situation in Iraq?
In what respect? Books can be written on this, you know!

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
I have made friends with many people through the blog whom I hadn't meet thus far, I'd like to invite those guys if I could.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
Recently? Nothing.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
hat's funny to me might not be funny to you and vice versa. There are rare times when I laughed at a joke told by a westerner so let's spare everyone the embarrassment.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
To spend more time on reading.

Any interesting travel stories?
That would be my trip to the States a couple years ago but I prefer to keep it for myself.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Nothing significant thus far, but I'm expecting something big quite soon. Will talk about it when the time comes.

Your Site Address : Iraq The Model

Joe Blog's Interview #114 The Cartoonist

2007-05-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

Name : Royston Robertson
Age : 39 (genuinely, not in an I'm over 40 and don't want to admit it way ...)
Location : Broadstairs, Kent, UK
Vocation : Full-time freelance cartoonist
Philosophy : is the name of the second track on the Ben Folds Five debut album. It's brilliant.

Sum up what your blog is about.
Back To The Drawing Board – Cartoons and thoughts by Royston Robertson, UK freelance cartoonist.

Why are you doing your blog?
To promote my work, give it another outlet on the web, and so I can talk a little about the process of cartooning.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
I couldn't really comment on that – hopefully one of the cartoons,

What is your writing style?
The key thing I bear in mind is to try to be brief with my entries! There are far to many over-wordy blogs and not enough hours in the day to read them.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That they like the insight into how I come up with gags, the stories behind each cartoon, how it was developed etc.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Drawing more cartoons, ideally.

Why should someone visit your site?
For a laugh.

What did you learn from your first love?
Wow, this suddenly got personal!

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Mainly cartoonists : Mark Anderson, Mike Lynch, Wilbur Dawbarn, Rod McKie, Drawn!, Chewing Pencils, Matt Buck, and Linkmachinego, which is not about cartooning but always has lots of interesting links.

Tell us about the process you go through creating a comic.
For gag cartooning, it goes like this: Think up the idea. Pencil the drawing. Put pencil drawing on lightbox. Ink on a piece of paper over the top (keeps it looser than inking the pencil lines, I find). Scan. Make any adjustments on screen. Add colour or tone if needed. Add caption plus name and contact details. Hope that it sells …

What is your favourite sketch you have done?
The most recent one. No, forget that, the one I got paid the most for ;-)

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Is Joe Blogs your God-given name?

Joe Blogs : Maybe, but I know drawing isn't my God given talent. Check out Royston's Blog, he has been commissioned by a multitude of publications, including Readers Digest, and Private Eye.

Your Site Address : Blog : Back To The Drawing Board Website : Royston Robertson

Joe Blog's Interview #113 Flea

2007-05-05T01:44:00.000-07:00

Name : Flea
Age : Old enough to know better
Location : The Annex
Vocation : Musician
Philosophy : If all else fails, read the instructions

Sum up what your blog is about.
Politics and pop culture as seen from Northanger Abbey.

Why are you doing your blog?
My Hyde Park soapbox is not handy for Toronto so I am not left with much choice. I would quite desperately like to stop blogging, actually, but if I did I fear my pineal gland would explode.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
I think my review of CBC logos was quite witty and of interest even to foreigners and those of us who tend not to watch the CBC (excepting Coronation Street broadcasts and the title sequence of Hockey Night in Canada).

What is your writing style?
Seventy-five words per minute on a USB Hansen Writing Ball means I write with more of a flourish than is strictly necessary.

What do people commonly say about your site?
They only read it for the articles. And the totty.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I would sleep in until 7am and quite possibly represent the people of Trinity-Spadina as a Member of Parliament.

Why should someone visit your site?
It is that or I stand outside the front door rattling a tin cup and crying (slowly at first). Trust me, nobody wants to see that twice.

What did you learn from your first love?
Sed fugit interea fugit irreparabile tempus.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Oh yes, lots. I start my day with Rantburg, for example. I stroll down my blog roll through the course of the week.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
From beyond the grave: Gwen MacEwan, a poet who explored the Toronto inside Toronto. I would like to thank her for everything.
From the here and now: Christopher Hitchens. All this bourbon is not going to drink itself.

What do you dislike in 21st century culture?
The 21st century has a culture? How fascinating for it.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
So much of good manners and common courtesy takes the form of forbearance. Many of my recent good deeds are in the form of things I have not done.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I have a rather clever story about funding research in the UK heating/ventilating and air-conditioning industry but it is a bit convoluted for this context. Suffice to say the British government is the clear origin of Vogon planning permission etiquette.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Quit your job. Live the life you were meant to.

Any interesting travel stories?
I was arguing so vehemently the merits of my hypothetical black-and-blue garden over Vita Sackville-West's white garden that I missed the train station for Sissinghurst. Though I think that was more amusing for those who were present at the time that it sounds in retrospect. I was right, by the way.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
You can defend single malts while I advance the cause of Irish blends.

Joe Blogs : Single malt is whiskey as it should be, back in the day they used to call it the water of life. So single malt is pure quality. An Irish blend is like decaffeinated coffee, not drunk as God intended.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Noticing spirals in her eyes.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
You have an opinion about whether it was an African or a European swallow, don't you? J'accuse!

Joe Blogs : Oh your refer to Monty Python And The Holy Grail! I'd need to know the airspeed velocity and colour of the swallow my friend. What is this the Spanish Inquisition?

Your Site Address : Ghost Of A Flea

Joe Blog's Interview #112 Grumpy Old Book Man

2007-05-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Name : Michael Allen
Age : 68 on 4 May 2007
Location : Wiltshire, England
Vocation : Writing
Philosophy : I try not to worry about things I can do nothing about.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's about books, the technique of writing fiction, and the changing business of publishing (and printing) in the digital age.

Why are you doing your blog?
It keeps me out of the pub (bar) and (I tell my wife) it keeps my mind off other women. It certainly isn't for the money. Also, and perhaps most important, it enables me to put in front of the (mostly uninterested) world my views on book-related matters. For years it irritated me that I was thinking all these thoughts and had no means of making them public. Blogs give you a platform.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Any humour is probably inadvertent.

What is your writing style?
I hope it is clear, but it's certainly old-fashioned and English.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Those who read it regularly seem to like it. If I had to guess why, it's because (a) I introduce them to unusual books, (b) I preach that popular fiction is just as good as literary fiction (and often better).

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Possibly some more walking in the Wiltshire countryside, and taking photographs of same.

Why should someone visit your site?
If you are interested in writing fiction, the three years of the Grumpy Old Bookman supply a considerable amount of advice on narrative technique. If you like reading, just for the fun of it, you might find some books that you've never heard of before which may prove worthwhile.

What did you learn from your first love?
What first love? My first love affair? If so, I learnt that love is not always reciprocated. Dammit.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I regularly read the following, in alphabetical order:
Bookslut
Buzz, balls & hype
Creative Commons
Galleycat
Literary Saloon
Madame Arcati
Maud Newton

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Er... Pass.

What is the greatest literary work of all time?
There is no such thing as a 'great book' as generally understood in the world of literary criticism. For details of why I say that, read chapter 5 of my book 'The Truth about Writing' -- it's available free online. Here's the link: http://www.kingsfieldpublications.co.uk/truth.html

Having said that, I do of course have a list of favourite authors. Here it is :
Margery Allingham, Richard Condon, Ian Fleming, James Joyce, Terry Pratchett, Neal Stephenson, Algernon Charles Swinburne, Thomas H. Uzzell, Kurt Vonnegut, Colin Watson.

Do you count yourself among the adults who read Harry Potter?
No. I read the first one and thought it was pretty good, but I haven't been tempted by the others.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I do get quite a lot of correspondence from people who seek my help and advice on publishing matters. If I can, I provide that help. But some people you just can't help. One man called me a c**t and a t**t because I wouldn't read his book.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I am very bad at remembering jokes, but one that I remember from 50 years ago goes as follows. A Church of England Bishop found himself late for a train, so he ran along the platform, jumped into a carriage, and slumped into a seat, just as the train started to move. When he had settled himself, the Bishop suddenly realised that the only other occupant of the compartment (it was an old English train) was a cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church. The CofE man apologised for his intrusion. 'I am so sorry,' he said. 'If I hadn't been in such a rush I would have chosen another compartment, and left you to meditate in peace.' 'Oh, please don't apologise,' said the Cardinal. 'After all, we both worship the same God. You in your way, and I in His.'

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Don't work so hard.

Any interesting travel stories?
Only the one about the Bishop.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
Hell no. I am not good at debates. I say my piece, on the blog, and others can kick my shins if they wish, and I never censor the comments. But I don't do debates.

Joe Blogs : I Win!

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Getting married.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Any ideas as to how to make any money out of this blogging business?

Joe Blogs : Blogging business is maybe a contradition in terms. Google AdSense might be good. Check out this guy I interviewed, he traded up from a paperclip to a house!
One Red Paperclip

Your Site Address : Grumpy Old Book Man

Joe Blogs Interview #111 Mr Murphy

2007-05-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

Name : Gary Lawrence Murphy
Age : 50
Location : NE shores of Lake Huron
Vocation : Handle what comes up
Philosophy : As it comes up

Sum up what your blog is about.
A notebook for fragments of sermons I will never give, on the topic of clinging to our humanity midst a life out of balance.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because, other than my cats, I have no other willing audience. I started because I believed in self-publishing; I kept going because there were things I had to say, and when I start talking like this in real life, people find another seat on the bus.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
The funniest was a post a long time ago where I offered to host an interview with JustinTrudeau; a magazine journalist was only given summary space by her editor, so I offered to host the whole thing on my main website, and then blogged just a brief item to say I'd posted the interview over at the other URL.

The blog posting was deluged by comments, hundreds of them, mostly by women, all of them personal messages to Justin Trudeau!
"Remember me?" and "Call me!" and "You're soooo cute!"

None were including telephone numbers, though.

What is your writing style?
A revisionist stream of consciousness. When a topic takes me, I just write it in, top to bottom, conversationally as it happens spilling out in a boorish style where the only pause is to ask rhetorical or leading questions. Did I mention that I tend to get my own seat on the bus?

I often go back over and grind down awkward phrases, sometimes mashing words or phrases to clear up an intent, sometimes to cool down libelous wordings after my blood pressure returns to normal.

What do people commonly say about your site?
"You have a blog?" or the equivalent "I've read everything you ever wrote" or, most often, "Love your site!" followed by a long list of casino and
pharmaceutical URLs.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Torturing family, friends and neighbours with these same random pontifications. Most often I do that anyway; its a safe thing to do considering none of them read my blog.

Why should someone visit your site?
The side-bar blog-roll is a pretty good collection of jazz, science and technology writers! Other than that, I don't really know what possesses my readership. Misery loves company, maybe?

There is some guy called msnbot who keeps coming back day after day -- I really have to wonder about someone like that.

What did you learn from your first love?
How to lie about where I was last night.

Are there any blogs you enjoy reading?
Whenever I am certain humanity is going to hell in a handcart, I tune in on mark woods, ralf zeigermann or jay manifold because they are my proof of intelligent life out there. When I get to feeling that we are the Invincible Ape, I like to share the gloat in Data Is Nature and The Music Thing. If I dare think I really understand, I'll check out Jack Sarfatti.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Hard to choose, even sticking with those who are living. I might want to discuss tone science with Marshall Allen or listen to Ran Blake reminisce about Lenox, but I'd probably just be all school-kid fumbles and dumb questions like that time I interviewed John Cage in the kitchen, so I don't know, probably too risky.

How about Tony Blair. Not to talk politics or anything, just because he probably needs a friendly quiet getaway these days and while we maybe wouldn't agree on anything, I think we'd get along ... afterwards we could get hammered and jam on old Kinks tunes before we pour him into a cab to take him home.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I had a slsk chat request from a Korean tenor sax player asking to help find him a solid but affordable school for his next student visa visit, so I relayed the request on to some mailing lists frequented by some pretty hefty players, summarized the result and sent him back a reply.

Turned out he couldn't afford their recommendations, and decided to return to the berkeley jazz school.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
You mean besides the one about this guy Joe Blogs who pings me about doing an interview about my blog?

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Take the money and run. Wait, no, I did tell myself that. I just didn't listen.

Any interesting travel stories?
Many, but one in particular involved a man I didn't know walking up to me in the Zagreb train station cafe, pulling a wad of money out of his pocket and peeling the bills back to reveal a paper with an address in Dusseldorf, and asking me, in broken English, "You know this man?" I, barely 19, said "No" and he folded his bills and walked off -- when I got back to our table and told my crazy american travelling companion, she said, "Damn. You should have said YES!"

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
heh ... choose your dementia: nuclear waste disposal, digital rights restrictions, global warming, intellectual property, public education, malthusian 'economics', A440 intonation, branded box
malls, the war on x, academic accreditation, internet censorship, the mainstream media ...

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Incredible things happen all the time, but for the most incredible it has to be having been present for the birthing of 5 out of 6 children ... although being present for their conception was a bit of alright too.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world wide web, why'd you walk into mine?

Joe Blogs : I was parched.

Your Site Address : blog.teledyn.com

Joe Blog's Interview #110 How Eclectic

2007-05-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

Name : Martin
Age : 40 something
Location : Yellowknife in Canada’s north
Vocation : IT Manager
Philosophy : Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life.

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It is an eclectic mix of information with my weekly Words on Wednesday, Earth Trivia Tuesday and Quotes on Monday and my thoughts and feelings about various things that are going on in the world and my life.

Why are you doing your blog?
I do it because I like to write and I think I have some thoughts and views that people might be interested in. I also like learning things and my info days do that and I hope I can pass that learning on to others.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
I think the one I did a couple of years ago about the differences between the way that men and women take showers.

What is your writing style?
I write the same way as I would talk if we were having a conversation. It is easy to understand.

What do people commonly say about your site?
The most common comment I get from people is that is very informative and well written.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
More photography. That is my other free time passion.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because I think they will learn something with my info days. They will also get an idea of life in Canada’s north and my thoughts on other world events.

What did you learn from your first love?
I learned that the first love really can last forever if it is the right person

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
There are several that I read regularly and I guess MasterMaq is one of the better ones with lots of tech and business info mixed in with personal thoughts and events.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Al Gore. I really like “an Inconvenient Truth” and would love to talk with him about his quest to stop global warming.

What makes a good eclectic blog?
I think a good Eclectic Blog is one that is informative, funny, insightful and covers a good variety of subjects; subjects that are not only about current events but also some strange or bizarre things too.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I left a positive comment on a blog of a person who seemed to be having some problems and I think she appreciated it.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
There was this time…na, that wasn’t funny when I think about it after all.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Keep striving to be better in all that you do.

Any interesting travel stories?
I took a flight a couple of years ago that had a plaque inside the door that said that Pope John Paul II had flown on that plane. I mean, is there a safer plane to fly on than one that has been blessed by a Pope?

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
What is wrong with the education system these days?

Joe Blogs : Personally I think education needs to be more directly related to working life. Kids have little if any respect for parents or teachers, but it was the same when I was at school. Parents leave their children to their own devices, and teachers are under pressure to get good exam marks.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Other that my marriage and birth of my children (those are always the best things), I would say the day that my blog was listed as a Blogs Canada Top Blog. Being recognized makes you feel that your writing is making a difference even if it isn’t.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
I notice that you promote the movie “The God who Wasn’t There” on your site. So, was Jesus a mortal man or a divine being?

Joe Blogs : The advert you are referring to is a Google Advert that I don't personally endorse because I have no knowledge of it. I'm open minded, depends how you interpret the history books, but I can't draw any conclusions.

Your Site Address : Eclectic Blogs

Joe Blog's Interview #109 Does Insanity float your boat?

2007-04-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Name : Bruce Napier
Age : Old enough to know better
Location : The Inland Waterways of the UK
Vocation : Psychologist
Philosophy : Carpe Diem

Sum up what your blog is about.
The experience of living on board a narrow boat, cruising the waterways of England, the challenges and philosophical insights of doing that.

Why are you doing your blog?
Originally keeping the family informed, and to have a record of our cruising out there.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
Not for me to judge - what do you think?

What is your writing style?
Based on Sir Ernest Gowers' Complete Plain Words.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Don't stop (reminds me of my dream last night...)

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Polishing brass, probably

Why should someone visit your site?
To find out what it's like living on board - lots of people ask about it, and you can't tell them in a few words.

What did you learn from your first love?
Carpe puellam (I should've asked her faster...)

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yours, of course.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Albert Einstein, and Sarah Michelle Gellar, the former for his wit and looks, and the latter for her intelligent conversation, (true)

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
These Americans on a hire boat had tried to run a 2 kWatt hairdrier on the inverter, and blown it. I switched it back on for them.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
This guy's walking along a beach and finds an old bottle. He rubs it clean, and out pops the genie to give him three wishes. 1) Give me the body of a footballer - flash, bang! and he looks like David Beckham. 2) Make me a millionaire - flash bang! and the genie hands him the number of his Swiss bank account. 3) Make me irresistible to women - flash, bang! and he turns into a box of Belgian chocolate.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Give up work, buy a boat.

Any interesting travel stories?
The whole damn blog!

What experience did you take from being a clinical psychologist?
1) Everyone's a hero in their own story - there are no spear carriers and 2) the route to happiness is using your skills to help others.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
How come, in the 21st century, two of the longest established democracies in the world couldn't stop their leaders making the mistakes they've made in Iraq?

Joe Blogs : Firstly war is a failiure of democracy. The actions of Bush and Blair were the actions of two colonial powers, who thought they were still in the early 20th century. They didn't realise the voracity of 24 hour media, and strong public opinion.

Politicians can talk a good talk when campaigning for election, but when it comes to governing a country there are other issues. Globalisation, national security, and resources are key here.

Scaremongering over WMD and Saddam, made the public go along with the government. They say power corrupts. No one knew for sure what would happen when the coalition entered Iraq, but few could have expected the clashes we have seen. Politicians are elected as the peoples representatives. There is some apathy toward the political process, so some people have gotten used to bad government, and their issues being unheard.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
My marriage to a woman who still puts up with me after 30+ years.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Should we send colony ships to these extra-solar planets, and who should we send?

Joe Blogs : Although the explorer in me says yes, billions of dollars would be better spent helping people on planet Earth in poverty. Although you have to weigh that up with the chance to send Posh Spice and her singing to a galaxy far far away...

Your Site Address : Living In Sanity

Joe Blog's Interview #108 Legendary Mr Biffo

2007-04-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

Name : Paul Rose AKA Mr Biffo (IMDB) (Wiki)
Age : 35
Location : London, UK
Vocation : Writer
Philosophy : Confused sort of liberal, lefty, hippy-drip stuff. But I'm not too sure about any of it.

Sum up what your blog is about.
What are blogs ever about? It's about me. Of late, it's about me plugging my new book.

Why are you doing your blog?
I started during a period when I was struggling to start work in the mornings. It was originally meant to be a warming-up exercise, but I got hooked. It gives me an opportunity to write without notes from script editors, or producers, or random passers-by. It's the only writing I get to do where I'm not answerable to anyone else, and where nobody is going to chip in with their own ideas. And that's liberating. And sexy.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
I'm sure everyone finds different bits funny. To be honest, though, I'm not necessarily trying to write funny as that takes effort, and my blog is a very first-draft-y stream-of-consiousness. I just write how I write. That said, there is an entry about the time I got accused of touching an Italian man's bottom in Tesco. I suppose that could be considered funny. Though at the time it was just plain harrowing.

What is your writing style?
I've no idea. What a strange question. That's like asking a tap whether its water tastes good.

What do people commonly say about your site?
They don't really. They just start asking me about things I'd forgotten blogging about. It can be a touch confusing. It's strange, but I feel very awkward and self-conscious when I meet people who've been reading my blog. It's like coming face to face with the man who has been taking photos of you in the shower, and it turns out he has posted copies of the photos to all your friends, family, and colleagues. And you've got a really small penis.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
My proper job. Or filing some VAT receipts. Or entertaining my children. Something less self-serving anyway.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because they can learn where to buy Confessions of a Chatroom Freak, this years funniest book. Also, to make them feel good about themselves, and to make me feel really uncomfortable.

What did you learn from your first love?
That I like curvy brunettes. And that I make a much better husband than boyfriend.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yes, but I rarely have the time. Scaryduck is always well written, as is the intermittent blogging of Doctor Whose.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Living or dead? Living, I've got a soft spot for Stephen Fry, and Carrie Fisher. They seem like intelligent, friendly people with a bit of a story to tell. Possibly Julian Cope. Dead: Jesus. Oh wait he's not dead. Or is he? Actually, forget it. Jesus is just too damn confusing to invite.

Tell us about the idea behind your new book.
It's me pretending to be a young woman, going into Internet chat rooms, and waiting for dirty old men to start talking to me. And then once they've got good and hot, I send them my photo. The book contains the genuine transcripts of what occurred. I think and I hope its very funny. And a bit disturbing. I keep telling myself that its making an important point about online activities, but I'll let readers draw their own conclusions. The mask reveals the man and all that.

Tell us about the process you go through when you write.
The first few pages of anything I write are the most tortuous and re-written of the entire piece. I will spend days agonizing over the first few hundred words. After that I'm flying. And you can never predict when inspiration is going to strike. I have been known to write nothing all day, and then like a bolt out of the blue suddenly be writing like a demon from 10pm until 6am the following morning.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I helped a woman carry her pushchair up a flight of stairs. Also, I cured cancer.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
This isn't a particularly funny story, but for some reason this is the first thing that came into my head. At my school there was a boy called Michael Wilson, and for years I told him that there was a poo in a cage in my father's shed, and that I used to feed it toilet paper. You're glad you asked now, aren't you?

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Keep going. But that was the advice I did give myself, so ya know. I'm not a great believer in hindsight. My life, 5 years ago, was a toilet. Regrets? I've got a few. But I wouldn't change a thing. I should be writing songs, really.

Any interesting travel stories?
I went to Chernobyl last year, which was about as interesting as you'd imagine. Kiev was the real surprise though; it's one of the finest cities I've ever been too. Also, I got winked at in an underpass by a woman who I don't believe was a prostitute. That kept me buoyed for weeks. I'm shortly hoping to go on an expedition to South American to search for giant anacondas and apemen, with the Centre for Fortean Zoology. That's not even a lie.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
Not really. Nobody wins online debates.

Joe Blogs : I thought your book was about online mass debate?

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Just that I continue to make a living out of doing the thing I love doing most. And having a book published is proving to be pretty cool.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Why haven't you bought my book yet?

Joe Blogs : I'll check it out, it looks like a good book. Thanks Mr Biffo, as a reader of the former Digitiser Magazine on Channel 4, it was a pleasure to interview you. Mr Biffo is also a BAFTA nominated screenwriter and has written for many shows including Eastenders and My Family to name but two. I lifted this from Wiki, made me chuckle : "He(Mr Biffo) once managed to provoke complaints over his episode of EastEnders where the character Dirty Den uttered the phrase "Big constables" in a way that implied profanity. (Interview in Retro Magazine)." That's legendary!

Your Site Address : Mr Biffo

Joe Blog's Interview #107 Female Science Professor

2007-04-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

Name : Female Science Professor
Age : Older Than You
Location : Blogosphere
Vocation : Science Professor
Philosophy : Sarcasm

Sum up what your blog is about.
The quotidian and cosmic academic experiences of a quasi-senior woman science professor who loves her job but finds some aspects of it more annoying and puzzling than others.

Why are you doing your blog?
I like to write, I like to communicate with lots of random anonymous people, and I like to make fun of annoying and absurd professional colleagues.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Almost anything about a faculty meeting, believe it or not: e.g. Real Men & Diversity, http://science-professor.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html

What is your writing style?
Professorial, but I want to write like Orhan Pamuk, though perhaps in English, but with more sarcasm.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That what I write either encourages or discourages people, sometimes at the same time.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I would be posting videos of my cats on YouTube. In these videos, my cats' actions are metaphors for major themes in life and global politics: life, death, technology, lawns, war. I feel that I need to share this with the world, although it is extremely annoying when someone's video of a cat sitting in a bird feeder (doing nothing!) gets orders of magnitude, more hits than my cats' dynamic cine-poetry.

Why should someone visit your site?
So that they can see how much fun it is to be a science professor.

What did you learn from your first love?
Statistical Mechanics.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I commonly peruse some academic/science blogs.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Do I have to choose a living person? If so, then I choose Orhan Pamuk. If I can choose a dead person but not have them actually be dead at the dinner party, I choose Herodotus. If Herodotus was too busy, Strabo would be OK too.

What area of science do you find most fascinating?
Physical sciences.

What in science developments do you see having the most impact in the next couple of decades?
Science research related to critical societal issues involving resources, water, climate, oceans, and ecosystems.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I just fed my cats. I had no choice, but it still counts as a good deed.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
A friend of mine was working in a restaurant and a rather rude customer came up to her and said MAKE ME A HAMBURGER. She pretended to touch him with her magic wand and said POOF! You're a hamburger!

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Feed your cats on Friday, 27 April, 2007. Throw out that purple shirt now.

Any interesting travel stories?
I was traveling alone in a remote region of the world with a highly recommended guide/driver who spoke even less of my language than I did of his, and I only knew a bit of his. He kept taking me to the wrong places and I kept saying, using the few words of his language that I knew: "This [X = name of the incorrect destination] is bad. This [X] is wrong." He muttered unhappy-sounding words and took me to the next wrong place. I said "NO, this [X] is very bad. This [X] is very wrong." I tried to point on the map where I wanted to go, but he ignored me. He started screaming and hitting me on my arm. I endured another hour of wrong destinations and screaming and hitting. Finally he drove me to a military station and took me to some heavily armed men, and continued screaming while pointing at me. One of the soldiers laughed and asked me "Do you know what this man's last name is?" I said no, I only knew his first name. Well, his last name was... X. He thought I had been saying that HE was a bad person, and my rudeness finally made him so mad that he decided I should be arrested. The soldiers told me to fire him because he was crazy and I shouldn't be alone with him.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
Sans-serif fonts are far superior to serif fonts.

Joe Blogs : As we all know Sans-serif fonts are for bolder headlines and Serif fonts are not. Serif fonts have details on the end of strokes, San's-Serif meaning without, in French. Sans-Serif is commonly known as Gothic, and Serif as Roman. I'm partial to a bit of Times New Roman myself, much prettier than Aerial! I'm sure the Pope prefers his own font though.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
My daughter was born exactly at 5:00 pm at the exact moment that NPR plays that top-of-the-hour pre-headline music intro, and so every day when I listen to NPR I relive the experience of childbirth and I'd really rather not (although my daughter is the greatest thing in the world blah blah blah).

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Do you think it is appropriate to give people names, to pets?

Joe Blogs : A pet is supposed to be a joy so why not give it a human name. It's not like it can pick a name for itself. On the other hand giving a pet a personality and talking to it like it understands your every word can be a bit inappropriate. I'm talking about those people that constantly carry their dogs round in bags or in their arms, and let them lick their faces. So you'd prefer non human names, how about Spock, or E.T?

Your Site Address : Female Science Professor

Joe Blog's Interview #106 John Baker's Blog

2007-04-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Name : John Baker (Wiki)
Age : Yeah, definitely
Location : York, UK
Vocation : I'm a writer. I write novels. I blog.
Philosophy : Keep on truckin'

Sum up what your blog is about.
Writing, how to do it better. Politics. Trying to find the funny side of life. Screaming about things that hurt.

Why are you doing your blog?
I need to get the inside of my head out there. It would be selfish to keep all this good stuff to myself.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
A visit I made to the swimming baths; http://johnbakersblog.co.uk/math-and-mass/

What is your writing style?
I was influenced by the modernists, Hemingway, Fitzgerald; and expressionism has been important. I suppose I don't over-write, so the style should be spare; leaving as much as possible for the reader to fill in the blanks.

What do people commonly say about your site?
"Hey, I like your site." or "Jeez, I'm not coming back here again."

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Writing a novel.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because it won't always be there. They could miss out completely.

What did you learn from your first love?
That I'd been missing a lot.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Grumpy Old Bookman. Also Dick Jones' Patteran Pages.

What is your biggest accomplishment?
Surviving youth.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
I'm not into celebrity. Maybe some historical or literary figure. Yeah, could try Jane Austen. Cook a goose for her. Would be a weird evening. Really different. And it would be a great story for when someone invited me out for dinner.

Tell us about the process you go through, writing a novel.
I get dissatisfied. Dream a lot. Start taking notes. Get hung on things, concepts. Start actively seeking out metaphors. Write reams and dispose of it. Finally make a commitment and then go back on it 20 times. Try to seek out a point of view, first person, second person, third person. Stop doing other things, cut life down to something spartan like eating, sleeping, writing and not allow anything else in. Discover that I'm getting on for half way there.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I chased a big pigeon away so a crippled blackbird could get at some crumbs.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
When people say random to me I freak out.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Slow down, you'll still be around five years from now.

Any interesting travel stories?
I met a guy who was going round the world. All he could talk about was getting from one place to another.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
A woman said she loved me and I hadn't done anything to deserve it.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What's that thing at the back of your fridge?

Joe Blogs : When people ask my age, I say I have the body of an 18 year old. In the back of my fridge.

Your Site Address : John Baker's Blog

Joe Blogs Interview #105 Comic Book Enthusiast

2007-04-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

Name : David Campbell
Age : Thirtysomething
Location : Seattle area
Vocation : Corporate drone / freelance writer
Philosophy : Sartrean existentialism

Sum up what your blog is about.
I post "humorous" commentaries on the dog-eared comic books in my somewhat vast collection.

Why are you doing your blog?
Chicks and money. Actually, I'm hoping to convey my appreciation and affection for the comic book medium. I often mock horrible comics, but I find almost as much value in horrible comics as I do in great ones.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Hmm... hard to say, but my treatise on the sexualization of Power Girl is a perennial favorite among readers. Probably because I use the word "boobs" and "breasts" 500 times in that post alone. Thanks Google!

What is your writing style?
Casual and low-brow.

What do people commonly say about your site?
"It used to be funnier."

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Working.

Why should someone visit your site?
If they're bored at work or they can't sleep.

What did you learn from your first love?
Don't date Mormons.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yes, plenty! I enjoy Armagideon Time , Beaucoup Kevin, Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin, Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun! and Chris's Invincible Super-Blog, the blog run by my arch-rival who I will crush some day. Some day...

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Ted Nugent - just to watch my liberal wife FREAK OUT!

What is your favourite comic and why?
Gosh, does anybody really have a favorite comic? Probably Superman vs Muhammad Ali or Hitman #34 , because they're both full of goodness.

What is the most controversial comic you have read?
Those crazy-ass Jack Chick fundamentalist pamphlets. They're insane.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I don't know. I held the door open for an old lady the other day - does that count?

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
The other day a seagull sh*t on my head. That's all I got.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Bet on the Angels to win the World Series.

Any interesting travel stories?
I have been charged by a bear, nearly drowned in class IV rapids, been swept out to sea, accosted by German thugs, broke my back whilst skiing too fast, seen a ghost, had a bullet pass between my legs, had my car attacked by a huge Samoan dude in a bowling alley parking lot, and drank the water when I shouldn't have.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Mushy but true: the birth of my two girls.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Joe Blogs, answer me this : who would win in a fight, Chewbacca or Worf?

Joe Blogs : Worf would win because he would slice and dice Chewbacca with his bat'leth(Klingon Sword).

Your Site Address : Dave's Long Box

Murder Mystery "The Greatest Who Dunnit Ever!" #3

2007-04-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

Introducing a chapter by acclaimed author, Agent Rusty Bones, Check Out his site too!

Meanwhile, below Willoughby Mansion, a shadowy figure moved down a passageway so ancient that it couldn't be found on any known maps. The tunnel was narrow, twisting, and damp. The walls were covered in lichen and moss, but the floor was worn smooth by the passage of countless footsteps during previous ages. The black slippered feet of the figure made no sound and left no tracks.

The figure moved with the ease and grace of someone long familiar with the tight, cramped quarters of these ancient tunnels.

Just as one door was being opened for Detective Joe Blogs by a cheeky butler, a second, secret door was being opened by the stealthy figure into a former workshop off the servants quarters that now served as a cluttered storage room.

The figure stepped from the darkness of the narrow passageway into the pale light of the day filtered by dusty curtains. The figure quickly shed the black hoodie , the black sweatpants, and the strange slippered black toe socks that served it so well in last nights work. The clothes lay piled up on a large white towel that would later serve to pick up the mess in one motion.

The figure stepped over the large wooded wardrobe that held the preferred costume for todays festivities and dressed quickly.

The towel on the ground was picked up, wrapped into a bundle and placed carefully in the hidden drawer of the wardrobe. The secret door formed by the paneling next to the great fire place in the chamber was slid carefully back into place before the fine dove skin gloves were removed and tossed into the drawer with the other work clothes. That drawer was carefully latched back into place.

The figure took one brief moment to look into the mirror. She smiled as she looked as ravishing as she had last night. Now only if her partner followed her instructions, then all of the work of the last ten years of her life would pay off in spades...but could she trust her partner?

She shrugged her shoulders and gave the coy, shy smile that she had practiced so many times before. The dice were cast, the winning score was yet to be determined.

Murder Mystery "The Greatest Who Dunnit Ever!" #2

2007-04-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

"I like the decor, this place could be featured on MTV Cribs, where is the oversized fish tank?" Det. Blogs asks.
The butler enquires, "Detective, do you not want to know where the body is?"
"Well I figure the body is going to be sleeping with the fishes, what is that flashing device over there? An answer machine I presume?"
"That is where you will find the answers Detective"
Detective Blogs looked back, "Very funny, maybe I could get some facts from the fax machine, and the time of death from Dr Who, now show me around this palace Jeeves"

Murder Mystery "The Greatest Who Dunnit Ever!" #1

2007-04-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

A foreboding mansion is sat a top a hill, a winding road snakes its way up to the water fountain centre peice, and entrance to Willoughby Manor. The galing wind whistles and tree branches attack the stone walls. An assortment of cars are parked outside. A weather vale creaks as it rattles in the wind. There is a crack of lightning and a shadowy figure is seen moving across behind the window, clutching what looks like a knive. A car pulling up into the drive flashes its headlights facing the mansion, not once, but twice.

The lights are on downstairs, and there are plenty of shadowy figures, it looks like a house party. A scream is heard. All the lights go out.

The next day...
Detective Joe Blogs pulls up at the front entrance. He looks over the horizon, the scenery is green and peaceful. He steps out of his green Jaguar. Wearing a brown tweed jacket with elbow pads, khaki trousers, and white sneakers, and square black rimmed glasses, he furrowed his brow and made his way up to the mansion door. White pillars made the entrance a little like the White House. Scenes of crime police are crawling all over the place.

A butler came to the door, before the detective could knock. "Ive been expecting you" the butler said wringing his hands together, "Detective Blogs, I assume?"

"Never assume anything, is what I say. Otherwise I'd assume as the butler, you are the murderer! Are you?"
"Yes it's me, I done it! And can I take your coat detective?"
The detective raised his eyebrows, squinted his eyes, and detected the butler was trying to be funny, and gave a meagre grin. Anyway he declined to pass his coat and stepped inside. The marble floor was spotless and the chandelier and stairway was impressive. The butlers whispy overgrown eyebrows were a mild distraction, he was sure he had seen them before brows in the internet.

To be continued... or not...

Joe Blog's Interview #104 Secret Dubai

2007-04-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

Name : Secret Dubai
Age : Undisclosed.
Location : Dubai, UAE.
Vocation : Media.
Philosophy : Love thy neighbour

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's about Dubai - its development, its people, and what it's like to live there.

Why are you doing your blog?
To record my experiences in Dubai.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Probably the guy who had sex with a camel. And fell in love with it.

What is your writing style?
All over the place. Generally prose, often error strewn, frequently verbose, and sometimes I attempt the world's worst pastiche poetry based on popular song lyrics. "Desert doggerel", as I like to call it.

What do people commonly say about your site?
They love it or they hate it, and flame me ;)

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Surfing the net.

Why should someone visit your site?
If they want to learn about the reality of Dubai.

What did you learn from your first love?
How wonderful and exciting love is.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Absolutely masses. At least a dozen that I check on daily, and hundreds of others I keep track of with Bloglines.

What's it like living in Dubai?
Hectic, gridlocked, frustrating, surreal.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Agatha Christie so we could talk about writing.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Bloglines, because it is so incredibly useful for keeping track of blogs.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
Nothing, I am currently very low down on the stairway to heaven. They're probably stoking the flames as I write.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Most are unprintable unfortunately. Including my dream about seeing an extremely famous sheikh in the bath (there were plenty of modesty-preserving bubbles thank god).

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
See below - don't climb that damn rock face in Wadi Rum.

Any interesting travel stories?
When I was travelling through Jordan I fell off a rock face in Wadi Rum. I climbed up to take photos of the rock colours and patterns - they were all red and streaky - but then I couldn't climb down. The rock was really smooth and shiny and I couldn't get a foothold. I ended up falling down head first towards solid rock, with my guide essentially acting as a crash mat, I nearly killed him. By some miracle neither of us had anything broken. But since then I have suffered from crippling vertigo which I am trying to overcome through climbing walls and so on. It is very frustrating having an irrational phobia that is physically debilitating and against all common sense.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Winning a Bloggie felt pretty earthshattering. I think the most lifechanging thing for me was leaving the UK to go backpacking in Australia, and basically never going back. I've visited, but not lived there in nearly a decade now. Landing at Brisbane airport in the summer sunshine after the sh***y grey drizzle of wintry Gatwick and a nightmare 30-hour flight (Garuda - yay!) was so incredible that I actually cried when I saw all the bright flowers by the road on the way into Brisbane. Climbing Ayer's Rock/Uluru was also one of the most incredible experiences of my life, the beauty of the view from the top is indescribable.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What keeps you blogging, Joe?

Joe Blogs : Meeting interesting people like yourself. Week in, week out. Learning about new cultures is great too. Being able to publish my writing is cool also. Visit Secret Dubai's Blog, it's definitely my favourite interview with someone from Dubai , as you can see from his picture, he is a cool cat.

Your Site Address : Secret Dubai

Joe Blog's Fave YouTube Videos #2

2007-04-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

Here is another of my favourite videos. It shows there is at least one intelligent person on US TV. Again leave a comment, let us know your thoughts. The more comments, the higher this video will be in future rankings.

Video #2 Jon Stewart On Crossfire

American comedian Jon Stewart appearing on political debate show Crossfire is a must see. He crucifies the co host's for hurting America and not holding politicians feet to the fire. Jon has plenty of common sense, and witty responses as the discussion becomes heated. It's always good to see a lively debate.

Best Part :
Jon Stewart "How old are you?"
Tucker Carlson "35"
Jon Stewart "And your wearing a bow tie. Now I'm not saying your not an intelligent guy, because those things are hard to tie".

Joe Blog's Fave YouTube Videos #1

2007-04-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

I will be sharing my favourite YouTube videos with you guys. The only requirement here is that the video makes me think "wow did you see that, that really got me thinking", not just, "wow, Beyonce looks good in this video".

Video #1 Ricky Gervais Meets... Gary Shandling

This is one of the most awkward interviews you will see. In hindsight I am not sure if this was scripted. The conversation certainly has some uncomfortable moments, as Shandling explores where Gervais humour is coming from. With Shandling's stand offish, oddball behaviour, displayed in this interview, you are never sure whether he is playing it for laughs or if he is being himself. What do you think? The more comments you give here the higher the video will go in the future rankings.

Best Part : Gary shandling gets himself a coffee.
Ricky Gervais "It's alright I didnt want one. F***in hell". "So, do I not get one?"
Gary Shandling "Get one, what?"
Ricky Gervais "A Coffee"
Gary Shandling "Really?"
Ricky Gervais "Yeah" "How rude, f***in hell"

Joe Blog's Interview #103 Diary Of A Humourist

2007-04-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

Name : Robert Wringham
Age : 24
Location : Glasgow, Scotland
Vocation : Humourist
Philosophy : Yes.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It’s made up of the flotsam and jetsam of everyday life, especially the stuff that takes place on subways, on trains, in elevators and in doctors’ waiting rooms – the transitional spaces that most people try not to engage with too seriously. Life happens in the gaps. And it’s usually blackly funny.

Why are you doing your blog?
Vanity mainly. People say lots of nice things to me just in case I say anything nasty about them on the Internet. They know I can destroy them. But also habit. I’ve always kept a diary in one form or another. My earliest memory of keeping a record of daily events involves writing in pencil the words orated by my mother at the kitchen table. My grandma had bought me the diary itself, the cover of which depicted a cold-eyed Mickey Mouse brandishing an oversized fountain pen in one sinister white-gloved hand. As with the designs of so many ice cream vans, I do not believe that the diary was a product entirely endorsed by the Walt Disney Corporation.

In 2003 I started to make my diary a public affair simply for the sake of experimentation. The blog was on a stand-alone platform back then (it’s on Livejournal now) and had a different name. But I liked all the feedback and email I used to get from it – blogging is increasingly becoming a two-way process – so I carried on.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
I’m quite fond of the one about a bank manager.

What is your writing style?
I don’t try to have one but I like to keep it pretty austere and to-the-point. I hate blogs where everything is abbreviated or written in code or shorthand or are just an unedited stream of consciousness. Those guys say they’re writing for themselves and that quality doesn’t matter. So why put it on the Internet? Write it on a potato and bury it.

What do people commonly say about your site?
My friend Steph who has been reading fairly consistently since the beginning says “It’s all too clever now. I liked it better when you were a moron”. But I don’t know what she’s on about. I think these days its pretty well received by the handful of people who actually read it.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Living a fuller, richer, more fulfilling life.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because they have no self respect.

What did you learn from your first love?
That “Fido” is not what they mean by “pet name”.

How long have you kept a diary?
Since I was a child. My mother would dictate what I should write in those tightly lined yet bog-roll thin pages, the entries were not exactly written straight from the heart. I think the object of these sessions was that they might improve my handwriting - the perfect preparation for a lifetime spent entirely in an age of laptop computers. It is also plausible that these sessions were punishments in some capacity: I distinctly remember being forced to record that I had “acted like a monkey” while visiting Jack and Ethel (two elderly neighbours) and that I must go and apologise first thing in the morning. It was like an enforced confession in which I had to seriously engage with my wrongdoings and consider how I might go about correcting them. I found it particularly uncomfortable having to engage with something so unpleasant by a means which would otherwise be leisurely: like being force-fed a delicious chocolate cake while being prodded with a taser.

Throughout my adolescence I kept diaries too. Obviously these were more personal affairs safe from my mother's disciplinary orations, padlocked within a leather briefcase along with the pornographic magazines I had found in a bin. I recently dug out these diaries in the hopes that they would contain hidden gems and Adrian Mole-style tales of teenage angst but the best thing I found was a biro sketch of myself masturbating, the penis marginally exaggerated. Now that my diary is popular on the Internet, it is my fondest hope that these older documents might be displayed in cases in the British Museum.

What’s the idea behind your blog design?
My blog doesn’t really have one. My homepage, however, depicts a dissected haddock with all the guts labeled incorrectly. The idea behind it? Sex. Isn’t that the idea behind everything?

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Millions. I love ‘Click Opera’ by Momus; ’The Affected Provincial’s Handbook’ by Lord Whimsy; and ‘Warming Up’ by Richard Herring. Those guys are blog superstars though and liking them is no smarter than liking the music of Madonna or supporting Manchester United. Everyone’s at it now. Simon Munnery has one at the New Statesman. Not even I saw that coming.

How was it, moving from Birmingham to Glasgow?
When Samuel Johnson went to the Hebrides he expected to rough it with naked blue-arsed savages but there were none. Similarly, I’ve not seen a single see-you-jimmy hat since I got here.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
Well, this was intended as a good deed of sorts but as with many such things it ended up insulted a bind man.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I’m working in an office at the moment. It’s horrible. Every morning when I reach, bleary-eyed, for a coffee cup from the kitchen cupboard inadvertently pick up this very peculiar one with no handle. I never realise until I’m pouring coffee into it. Turns out it’s a sugar bowl.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Do you mean what would I tell myself if I could travel back in time five years? “Invest in bonds”. He’ll get the joke, he’s a clever kid.

Any interesting travel stories?
I visited Prague last year shortly after all that Terrorist stuff went down in London. The way we were treated by airport security was horrible (I wrote about it here). I was asked to remove my hat by a customs officer. It was terribly embarrassing to reveal my marmalade sandwiches.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Meeting my exact double. He was as surprised as I was.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Ever been to Wigan?

Joe Blogs : Never. But never say never.

Your Site Address : Robert Wringham's Diary

The Best Of Joe Blogs

2007-04-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

Here is a recap of my writing over the last few months. Enjoy.

Did you hear about the story of the Squirrel Monkey, Sponge Bob. He escaped recently and was recaptured, his fellow monkeys won't accept him back. Maybe they thought it was a bit crowded on the swinging tyre anyway.

You'd think that he'd come back and be the toast of the town with all the stories he could tell about life outside the cage. Maybe he had been aping the delinquents on the Housing Estate he was found on. He came back throwing crap, biting people, picking flees, grooming, it was just unacceptable to his shocked monkey friends.

Bill Gates, I wonder if hes counting his money now, or perhaps hes developing program, maybe hes emptying out his virtual trash can. If he had told his wife what he'd be doing with his life when they first met, i.e. selling windows, helping people empty their trash cans, she might have thought twice.

If MTV Cribs featured George W. Bush's book shelf it would probably feature The Green Cross Code rather than the Da Vinci Code, and How to train your poodle. Maybe also The Dummys Guide To Running A Democracy. In Saddam Hussein's house they might find How To Lose Friends And Annihilate People.

Bush and Blair talked about standing shoulder to shoulder. Bush has come out saying the USA doesn't condone torture, which is good. He has also come out saying he sometimes uses 'the Google'. He has used the Google map to look at his ranch in Texas he says, probably also local Krispy Kreme Donuts, Alcoholics Anonymous meetings,North Korea, etc. Good to know hes so advanced hes keeping an eye on things with 'the Google'.

I wonder if George Bush played Monopoly he'd go straight to disaster mode. I wonder if politicians ever get together and play Monopoly, probably, Tony is the poodle, Gordon Brown is the Banker, John Prescott gets the car, but hes not happy because he wants 2 Jags. Nelson Mandela has to wait ages before he gets his get out of jail free card. And then Robert Mugabe comes along and ruins the game by stealing all their houses.

Saddam Hussein has been hanged. I don’t agree with death penalty for anyone, but it drew my attention to a quote by Dr William Palmer, a British serial killer. Due to be hanged at the gallows his last words were, “Are you sure this thing is safe”.

UK prison space is in crisis apparently. We need more cages, millet, cuttle fish, and swings. Maybe we could also let them out to fly, Business class to the Bahamas perhaps. In Australia they have enrolled inmates on crocodile handling courses, as a way of rehabilitating inmates. Now we know where those crocodile handbags and shoes are coming from, a croc farm in Australia. They had just gotten over Roger Moore jumping on them in that Bond film. So now they've got more problems with people who are no longer Saints. Maybe the crocs should get rehabilitation while being held down on a couch. Would say retail therapy, but those croc leather wallets aren't going to help.

Grizzly Man, a documentary film on Alaskan Bears shows Timothy Treadwell close up with them as he lived for several summers. Until he met a grizzly end, after all those years he must have finally taken their porridge.

Madonna has adopted a child from Malawi. And theres a big hoo ha about this. That kid is definately going to be provided for in a material sense, and you would hope a caring way too. Although the fathers admission that he didn't know he was giving up his child for good is telling. Madonna might say to him Papa Dont Preach, where as he would say I'm Top Of The Pops. Maybe when the kid starts asking questions about the birds and the bees, Guy Ritchie can say to him, "Son watch this, it's called Snatch".

I brought some fair trade peanuts, does that mean the people who harvested the nuts are paid peanuts?

SUV's or 4x4 cars as they are known, are going to face a probable £25 congestion charge in London. For that amount of money, I'd want a trip through the Serengeti, or a monkey enclosure at the very least.

The worlds tallest living man, Bao Xishun, made a name for himself this year for another reason. He saved two dolphins lives, who had plastic lodged in their stomachs. Maybe he could move on from dolphins and try and extract things from humans. A brain from George Bush, an Alien from Tom Cruise, and something human from a plastic Pamela Anderson.

In the world of robots, a robotic seal has been created in Japan, to keep the aging population in company. Apparently it responds to petting, it has sensors between its fur and whiskers. The S&M version comes with a club.

US Food Regulator FDA has stated that cloned cattle, pigs, and goats produce food, “as safe as the food we eat every day”. This isn't so new though, McDonalds have been doing double cheeseburgers for a long time.

Momofoku Ando who invented dried noodle snacks, has died aged 96. Like the added water, he lived life to the maximum level. Despite an unfortunate name, that often got him into hot water, it is estimated there were 250 billion servings of his noodles.

I saw a headline recently saying, ‘UK rail chief tells commuters they must stand’. That’s a bit rich, I mean for how long, and if pregnant, old, etc, what then. I don’t think commuters will stand for this. The rail chief says you shouldn't expect seats during peak periods, well not surprisingly we don’t anyway. Fair enough I learned my lesson before, that I shouldn't expect platform nine and three quarters at Kings Cross station. But next he’ll be coming out saying commuters shouldn't expect trains.

Speaking of the monarchy, a British Historian Sarah Poynting, has discovered a secret code in a love letter written by Charles I. The letter was written in 1648, while Charles was imprisoned in Carisbrooke castle. The message he encrypted, was “I imagine that there is one way possible that you may get a swiving from me.” The word swiving was a word used for sex in the 17th century. So the findings aren’t exactly the holy grail, but it shows the King liked to have swiving good time.

A former secretary at Coca-Cola has been found guilty of trying to sell on secret documents to rival firm Pepsi, for a minimum of £1.5 million. This isn't the same as just stealing Grandma's recipe. Joya Williams may now get 10 years to taste test life in the can. I might give her a ring, to see if I can pull her out.

Milkman Charlie Harris has retired after 45 years and delivering 7 million pints. It's alleged he didn't have the bottle any more.

An £8 billion bid is being touted for British food store Sainsbury's. You could try paying at the checkout, but not at the 8 items or less queue. You could rack up some loyalty points buying Sainsbury's! I'm sure if you went to pay at the kiosk, a tannoy announcement would have to be made. A deal breaker could be, "Can I have a bag with that?"

A Nasa Astronaut, Lisa Nowak drove 900 miles in a nappy to interrogate a love rival. She told cops she wore a nappy so she wouldn’t have to stop, wearing a nappy is normal for astronauts on long journeys. She sprayed pepper spray in her rivals face, before the victim sped off. She had latex gloves and a gun, she certainly wasn’t going 900 miles to Florida to pamper her.

Crossing the road listening to an iPod is set to become a criminal act. Listening to James Blunt could get you a £50 fine and a date in court. Some might say that's reasonable for listening to Blunt. It's common sense that you pay attention when crossing the road. But if you don't you could be shackled and have to shuffle into a police van. At least the life sentence for the battery won't be very long at all.

Judi Dench nominated for an Oscar this year won't be able to make the Oscars because of a knee operation. She could also win best supporting knee. I imagine she will go to a private hospital where they specialise in treating chocolate. When her twin sister visits, they will have to care for M&M. Bond could come and visit, M likes a double agent, though in a British hospital she'd be better off with a cleaning agent. Maybe they could do a satellite broadcast from Judy's hospital bed. And at the end pull the curtains round.

In the news, North Korea is to end it's nuclear programme, I never saw it was it any good? I prefer 24, or Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. It's a shame because I've never seen North Korean television. Though I heard it was explosive TV, and Sienna Miller was in it, The Factory Girl. I couldn't believe it when I saw that 6 nations had gathered round at a summit to discuss the programme. Why don't they start a book club as well?

I think I know the reason for Britney’s recent madness. I saw a headline ‘Chimpanzees Hunt Using Spears’. It is not known if she has any choice.

Helen Mirren won the best actress Oscar. It's no surprise with all the promotional material I've seen. They must have spent millions promoting the movie, every time I pay for something in the shop, or post a letter. It's in your face. I don't like this aggressive marketing, in fact all I can think about is the Queen movie. Forest Whittaker won best actor but you don't see stamps and mugs with his face on do you?

Thanks for reading.

Have I Got News For You

2007-04-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

The sailors held captive in Iran. What an experience, you don’t know what will be happen to you or what will be done. A foreign language, culture and food. Missing family and friends. Is it just me or do some of those sailors have careers in weather presenting. The one female sailor seemed to be the focus of attention, wearing a scarf she wouldn’t normally wear. The sailors wardrobe seemed to be taken out of Miami Vice.

Italian police battered Man Utd fans in a recent game against Roma. It was more like The Colosseum, and Gladiator. Man Utd Captain Gary Neville might have said,
“Leader of the team from up north, father to a hot cross bun, I will have my vengeance in the first half or the next”

Talking CCTV cameras are being piloted to stop antisocial behaviour and crime on the street. “you there stop smashing the car window and step away, now this time put more swing into it, otherwise this’ll never make ‘The World’s Wildest Police Videos’”. Obviously the best people to do the job would be Hollywood directors. It would go to court and judge would give deliverance, “I find you guilty of the directors cut”.

Halle Berry has a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, since her career sunk with Catwoman, she must be used to people walking all over her.

Christopher Reeves costume from Superman is set to be put up for auction, Tim Allen’s costume from Home Improvement is also set to go under the hammer.

The cost of making a call in a UK hospital has gone up 160%. Must be a swanky phone. Maybe they will start supplying chocolate mints under feather pillows in four poster beds. Or maybe not.

Gordon Brown’s tax raid on pensions has put old people in the red or is that brown, nothing unusual about that.

US comedian Eddie Griffin crashed a Ferrari Enzo into a concrete barrier. Sounds more like Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

Millions of customers credit card details and pins, have been stolen from cut price store TK Maxx. The computer files were swiped away. More worryingly my sewing kit has been stolen, I get pins and needles thinking about it.

Hitler was almost referred to Sigmund Freud’s couch as a child. Imagine the difference to the world that could have made. Hitler could have worked in a furniture shop, Anne Frank could have had a show room.

Newt Gingrich is reported to be starring in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Kim Jong Il has reportedly eaten a rabbit that won a prize as Germany’s largest. Sent over to North Korea as a breeding rabbit, and weighing as much as a small dog. Seems like Kim Jong will be more concerned with a rabbit fence than nuclear defense.

Glasgow is the UK's phone theft capital, now we know what they keep under their kilts.

And finally, Martin Sheen has been arrested 65 times in 20 years, for protests, so more C-Wing than West Wing.

Joe Blog's Interview #102 A Major Interview

2007-04-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Name : Twenty Major
Age : 35-90
Location : Dublin
Vocation : Enthusiastic drinker and smoker
Philosophy : Don't pick it, it'll never heal.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's about general stuff and possibly some made up stuff with some 80's pop music references as often as I can get away with them. It features a regular cast of characters who all meet in a bar and get drunk together. If you like graphic descriptions of bodily functions then you'll probably like it.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because it amuses me and provides me with an outlet for some of the stuff in my brain which would probably come out in other ways if I didn't blog. Perhaps in song or by painting or perhaps by horrendous acts of self-harm or violence. Blogging keeps society safe. I really have no singing voice to speak of.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
This one - New York Diary - seems to be many people's favourite, but if I had to choose I'd go with this - Malachy Wong. There are plenty of others but different things make me laugh on different days. One day it could be something as simple as seeing someone fall off a ladder and break their back, another day it's something much more lighthearted like a train crashing into a school full.

What is your writing style?
Don't know, really. I suppose regular readers might recognise a particular style but really I just sit down and spew words out. I've never really thought about how or in what way I do it.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That it's possibly the most awesome site they've ever seen and that they want to have my babies and things. I suppose the most common comment would be 'If you don't like bad language then don't read this', but who doesn't like bad language? C**ts, that's who.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
As I said above I would certainly be doing 'something else'. It would most likely involve sitting down and reading and/or drinking beer. Or wine. Or whiskey. Or rum. Nothing humanitarian though. That'd be a complete waste of everybody's time.

Why should someone visit your site?
They'll never know if it's good or shite until they do.

What did you learn from your first love?
That kissing the TV when Top of the Pops is on is not the same as kissing Debbie Harry in real life. Not that I've ever kissed her in real life but I can't imagine her face is made of glass with a cathode ray tube behind it.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yes, there are many. Most of the links are in my blog roll thing but to give you a few there's Fatmammycat, Scaryduck, and The Lung Brothers, who don't post nearly enough though.

How excited are you about your book deal?
Quite excited indeed. Apart from the bit about actually having to write a book. In terms of word count it's like doing 200 blog entries and making them all fit together and such is going to be a challenge. It'll keep me out of mischief though.

What constitutes a good night out for you?
Food, booze, good company, perhaps running over an orphan. But that's mostly for special nights. It'd be a bit repetitive if you did it every time you went out.

What are the best features of Dublin?
I suppose the people, the bars, the very good Guinness. We've become a lot more cosmopolitan these days, what with all the foreigners arriving and such. As the last outpost of Europe it's taken them ages to get here but now we've got all sorts and they bring their restaurants and stuff with them so there's good food too. Did you know we've got 100,000 Polish people here? That's a lot. If their influx keeps up Germany will invade Ireland first the next time they want to start a war.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I haven't done one.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Once, during a rather chemically induced state in a nightclub, I turned around and had to rub my eyes when I saw what I thought was Dennis Hopper dancing behind me, he too rather off his face. I turned back the other way convinced I was seeing things. However, I had to turn around again and it was Dennis Hopper bouncing around to house music with some young lady. Not so much funny 'haha' but funny 'what the f**k?!'. He was wearing a cravat too.

Tell us about your life before this blog.
I was a shepherd. It's a hectic life. Most people don't realise that and sheep are the most annoying c**ts on earth apart from Latvians.

Any interesting travel stories?
A couple of weeks ago I flew to London and took the tube from Heathrow into Kings Cross station.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Whilst living in sunnier climes I grew four marijuana plants which got very tall and I discovered a family of pixies living there. They had built an amazing village, fully functional in every way, and shining gloriously with good magic and love and peace. It really was amazing. 'We mean you no harm', their leader said to me, 'and we ask only that we may stay here until you must harvest your plant'.'Fair enough', I said, awestruck at their world.I lied of course and killed the f***ers when they slept. Every last one of them. They might have damaged the buds.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

If you had to f**k one of Kelly Osbourne or Sharon Osbourne which one would it be and why?

Joe Blogs : Neither, Ozzy might bite my head off.

Your Site Address : Twenty Major

Joe Blog's Interview #101 Will Sean Ever Hold Down A Job?

2007-04-01T05:27:00.000-07:00

Name : Sean Aiken
Age : 25
Location : Depends what week.
Vocation : Passion Seeker.
Philosophy : "one life, make it right"

Sum up what your blog is about.
I am on a nationwide job search travelling throughout the country accepting a different job each week.

Anyone can offer me a job for one week, the job can be anything, anywhere. My blog is about my journey. This video sums it up :

Why are you doing your blog?
I don't want to be stuck working some job that I hate doing for the rest of my life. You shouldn't do it either!

What's the funniest entry on your site?
I was filming a video about how important I was during my Week Five job and that I could now enter the "Employee Entrance." Yet as I went outside and started filming, I realized that the door had locked behind me.

What is your writing style?
Depends on what mood I am in, could be very passionate if I have had a new revelation. Those entries are fun.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Wow, that's really cool, wish I had thought about the idea.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Probably travelling the world, maybe relaxing on some beach somewhere.

Why should someone visit your site?
See answer to question before the last;)

What did you learn from your first love?
That girls are mean. But, I got over it.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
This guy is good stuff. Just picked up a copy of his new book, and I think you should do the same. Kyle Macdonald, One Red Paperclip

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Donald Trump. To see if I could convince him to give me a One Week Job.

What would you consider to be the worst job in the world?
Anything that you hate doing.

Which job have you enjoyed the most?
Being a columnist with a daily newspaper, got a 'Media' pass to cover a Wine Tasting Festival, sampled some Hardy's wine, with the man Bill Hardy himself.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
hmm, good question, I'll get on that.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I just got into a new city last night for Week Six and am staying with somebody, I have never met before. I was really tired and for some reason within 5 minutes of being here, I starting laughing hysterically at absolutely nothing, like crying I was laughing so hard. She just stood there and watched me for about 10 minutes until I regained my composure. A little awkward.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Everything is going to be okay.

Any interesting travel stories?
Many, check out Travel Blogger. I was once on a train in the middle of Switzerland, the train stopped at a village in the country side, it was so hot outside, my friend was in the bathroom, I looked out the window and saw a sign for a delicious ice cream cone. I debated a few mintues whether I had enough time to get one and get back in time. I went for it, and as I came around the corner the train was pulling away, I had no passport, no money, no train pass, my friend didn't know that i had gotten off the train... but boy was that ice cream tasty.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
I found my friend randomly 5 hours later in a central station, after many other interesting stories in between.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Joe Blogs : I want to be a billionaire tycoon, and hire and fire Donald Trump. A home in Miami would be good too with a parking space for my own jumbo jet. Failing that, taking over the Letterman Show would be good.

Visit Sean's Blog and help make poverty history.

Your Site Address : One Week Job

Joe Blog's Interview #100 With Mr Angry

2007-03-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

Name : Mr. Angry
Age : Twenty-twelve
Location : Not London, but close enough.
Vocation : Space explorer. Or do you mean the one I ended up choosing?
Philosophy : Every single day someone, somewhere, does something stupid, and it is always funny. The more days when I am not that person, the better.

Sum up what your blog is about.
Well, it is a bit mixed. If I see or hear something that annoys me, I write about it, and use the cutting weapon of satire to show the people involved as the fools they are. I also try and make myself look cool to attract chicks and that.

Why are you doing your blog?
You mean other than to attract chicks? I did not even know what a blog was until December 2005 ("A diary on the Interweb? Are you mental?"), but my friends were always telling me I should 'write that down' when I would rant on in the pub about the day to day things that annoyed me. After just over a year of writing the blog, the things that would previously just make me angry now give me material and make me chuckle, which can only be a good thing I guess?

What's the funniest entry on your site?
That is difficult for me to say. This entry went into the Shaggy Blog Stories book for Comic Relief, but I am not sure my ritual humiliation is that funny. For some reason my stupid readers seem to prefer the posts where I am the butt of the joke, which is not the point at all (see previous point about attracting chicks etc). They do not seem to get the ones with insightful social commentary about the important issues of the day like Politics, Global Warming and Jade Goody.

What is your writing style?
I have absolutely no idea. I haven't done English since my GSCE's. I try and write the posts as if I was telling the story to someone in the pub, or emailing a friend. Ask others what my style is and they will probably say something like, 'juvenile'.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Fortunately people seem to like it. I put the nice things they say in the testimoanials. I am particularly proud of "Seems not bad".

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I would probably have a proper hobby, and I'd still regaling people with my stories in the pub, but with slightly higher blood pressure.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because the other 100 million or so sites are rubbish. And generally speaking, if something has annoyed them, the chances are I've written about it at one point or another.

What did you learn from your first love?
How to say my sister is fourteen and likes to play table football at the weekend (in French, I was not in remedial classes or anything). She was ace. I looked her up on Friends Reunited recently, and she had become fat. She could have had me if she had stayed fit, which is a shame, for her.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Lots of them. The ones listed on my sidebar are the ones I read regularly, most of which are funny, with some current affairs and personal ones thrown in as well. You have already interviewed a couple of my favourites in Richard Herring and JonnyB. Twenty Major is also very good indeed.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Elizabeth Shue (from 1988, you need a why?), my first love (also from 1988, or actually a little bit older than she was in 1988 - I am not a pervert - but she must still be fit), Stephen Hawking (I like the idea of asking him lots of question, but then unplugging him when he gets tiresome. I would also like to install one of those comedy satellite navigation voices on his computer. He would sound good as Ozzie Osbourne), Steve Merchant (underrated as a comedic writer, and with a funny accent to boot), and Gandhi (because he looked like he needed a good feed).

How do you chill out after a stressful day?
Chill out? What is that?What never fails to make you angry?People that fail to recognise their own stupidity, and continue to believe they are right, and behaving appropriately, even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
This happened a couple of weeks ago. I think it counts as a 'good deed'. Sort of.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Esther Rantzen once called me a f*cking imbecile under her breath, I think. Err, I guess you had to be there.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Remortgage the flat and put it all on Arsenal to win the FA Cup final 2-0 against Chelsea. And dump your girlfriend, she will cheat on you in 18 months if you don't. And don't go to Faliraki this summer, you will get the shits and it will be rubbish.

Any interesting travel stories?
I got arrested in Rome about ten years ago, it was a misunderstanding, of course, but I think that it is a distinct possibility that I am still a fugitive from the Law in that country. Which is a shame, what with me liking Pizzas and Spaghetti Bolognese.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
I was on holiday in Dubai a few years ago and met Michael Vaughan in the hotel Reception area (he was/is England cricket Captain and was on his honeymoon), I was in the lift two minutes later with my then girlfriend waxing on about how much of a fan of his I was, and how he was one of my top three favourite sportspeople, along with Tiger Woods and Paul Gascoigne, when someone coughed behind me. It was Paul Gasgoigne. I looked skywards and corrected myself by saying, "My top four includes Anna Kournikova by the way". He was a very nice bloke actually, but much smaller than you'd imagine.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

I'm thinking of getting out of technology stocks and investing more in the emerging markets. Is this wise?

Joe Blogs : It's possibly the wisest thing I have heard today. Technology stocks are out, putting people in the stocks is in. Stocks and Cher's voice is in. Emerging markets are always good to invest in, just beware of boom and bust.

Check out Mr Angry's blog as you can see from this interview he is a funny guy.

Your Site Address : I Am Livid

Joe Blog's Interview #99 One Red Paperclip

2007-03-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

Name : Kyle MacDonald
Age : 27
Location : Canada
Vocation : Guy
Philosophy : Deep thought and lots of thinking.

Sum up what your blog is about.
How I traded from one red paperclip to a house.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because I had a red paperclip, but wanted a house.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
This one, Still Don't Know Who These Guys Are

What is your writing style?
Fast. Oh, so very fast. I need speed. My hair is literally pasted against my scalp right now. I 'm in fifth gear, flooring it. The keyboard can't believe it. It's really extreme.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Well, I'm not really sure, but the funniest thing people say is: "I'll trade you a blue paperclip for your house!"

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I'd probably move to Northern Alberta and pull petroleum products from the earth to make as much money as possible and then spend it in the most outrageous ways imaginable.

Why should someone visit your site?
It is nice. I also plan to pay every visitor a few dollars just to swing on by.

What did you learn from your first love?
I learned to love Monster Ballads by 1980s hair bands such as White Lion, Europe, and The Underdog Project.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Colin Pearson

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Al Roker. I want to shake his hand. Again.

You traded up from a paperclip to a house, what are you currently trading?
My time to answer a questionnaire.

Do you see yourself as a lucky person?
Yes, but not nearly as lucky as this woman

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I gave this bloke 100 dollars, click here

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Wow, tough question! But I think I have one. Well, this one time, after a long an arduous journey, I traveled to Quebec and surprisingly enough, bumped into the legendary Retired Movie Star Dave Leroux. After drinking copious amounts of wine, I finally garnered enough courage to approach RMSDL and managed to coax a few minutes out of his busy schedule! Amazingly, we sat together in a pine restaurant booth, and over a steaming plate of delicious poutine we discussed, among other things, fame, fortune, retirement, and our wild youth. It was so random! And really funny!

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
In five years you will answer question from a man named Matt Clarke. Prepare for it. Or else.

Any interesting travel stories?
No, not really.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
I shook Al Roker' s hand.Now it's your turn!

Ask me one question, anything you like.

Are you a leader in the field of excellence?

Joe Blogs : I've been called many things but unfortunately not that. Yet. Who'd have thought stationary could be so lucrative. I think you'd make a great ruler. Check out Kyle's Blog for his incredible story.

Your Site Address : One Red Paperclip

Topical News

2007-03-11T04:24:00.000-07:00

Hi, I’ve had some great interviews since my last post. Including with Jeffrey Archer and Iain Dale. Here's some topical news for you.

The British military has launched a Skynet Satellite into space to help it send information more quickly, at a cost of £2.6bn. Allegedly the Greeks were set to launch a dish but they smashed it on the floor.

The residents of Branscombe beach in Devon have been asked to be volunteers in a clean up operation after the Napoli container ship grounded. Removing plastic from the beach, Pamela Anderson was reportedly towed away.

There was a fight that broke out at Liz Hurley’s wedding in India, between security and the following paparazzi. So plenty of hurley burley then.

TV shows are awash with alcohol drinkers according to reports, and therefore encouraging teens to drink. Do teens need any encouraging? Shows like The OC are set to have their content changed and be called The OJ. What you need is smoothies drinking smoothies.

Author Jeanette Winterson left an unpublished novel on a tube train. Maybe she thought it could do with another line. If I found a unpublished Stephen King novel on a train, I know it’d be worth millions, but I’d have a quick read first. If Pamela Anderson left a novel on a train it would probably be Boob Tube.

A 52 year old female motorist in England, caused chaos on a train railway recently. She stopped at a train level crossing, her Sat Nav told her to turn left, and she drove onto a train track. Sometimes artificial intelligence can be very artificial. Maybe in the future Sat Nav systems will give relationship advice, move on with your life, take the road less travelled, don't forget to pick up guacamole etc.

A school kid wrote in to 10 Downing Street with suggestions on how to combat global warming. The government replied suggesting recycling and using both sides of a piece of paper was a good idea. They had sent a 2 page letter back. You could reply back but that's another bit of paper.

Quiz shows in the UK have come under the spotlight for claims of making up winners, keeping phone lines open when the competition is closed, and being downright boring. You just know the people who invented the quizzes used to cheat on Monopoly, laundering money, used a stair lift on Snakes And Ladders, spoke words in Charades, or played eye spy with my little night vision telescopic goggles.

A panda in China has lost it's limb and scientists are appealing for help on making an artificial one. My Homer Simpson soap on a rope has also lost a leg, any suggestions?

Here are some fascinating facts revealed under The Freedom Of Information Act.

The Thatcher government concocted a plan to find the Loch Ness monster using a bunch of dolphins. For what porpoise I’m not sure.

Tony Blair has spent £2000 of tax payers money on cosmetics in the last 6 years. That’s a lot of money but you could say he has many faces.

More than 300 weapons were seized from children in one year, including an improvised flame thrower. I was used to RPG(Role Play Games) when I was younger not Rocket Propelled Grenades.

And finally, the stupidest headline of the week has to be, ‘Subliminal messages do reach your brain, but you won’t know it.’

Joe Blog's Interview #98 Jeffrey Archer

2007-03-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

Name : Jeffrey Archer (Wikipedia & IMDB)
Age : 66
Location : London
Vocation : Author and would-be Captain of the England cricket team
Philosophy : work and more work

Sum up what your blog is about.
My day to day life

Why are you doing your blog?

In order to keep in touch with my readers who continually write to me with queries and comments.

What is your writing style?

I either write it out for my PA who posts it on the blog or I dictate it – I don’t use a computer!

What do people commonly say about your site?

A lot of people comment on how much I squeeze in to one day, but that’s simply because I’d be easily bored if I wasn’t busy.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?

It takes twenty minutes a day so I fit it in between writing or meetings or watching cricket.

Why should someone visit your site?

For more details about my books.

What did you learn from your first love?

She was an art student, and she passed on to me her passion for art.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?

Richard Charkin’s Blog – he is like me, a failed but would-be cricketer.

As a successful novel writer, where do the inspirations for your books come from?

This is the question I am most asked, and the one that I am simply unable to answer – I have no idea.

What lessons have you learned from working in the political arena?

I haven’t got an hour to answer this question.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?

Thomas Jefferson to talk to him about the forming of the American Constitution and the early days of the Washington Presidency; Nelson Mandela, to ask him how he was able to maintain such a dignified stance on leaving prison, and Annette Benning, who I’ve been mad about for longer than I care to admit.

What policy would you most like to action in government?

Getting rid of the clock change - only the Scots in Cabinet and government hold it up.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?

Keep fit.

Any interesting travel stories?

I hate travel, I hate planes, trains, cars – I view them only as a necessity.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?

Going to prison.

Joe Blogs : The famous Lord Jeffrey Archer kindly answered my questions, and quite revealing they are too. He doesn't use a computer and dictates his blog, that's when you know you've made it Jeffrey!

Jeffrey has an impressive CV, being a very successful author and renowned former politician. Jeffrey has been published in 63 countries and more than 32 languages with international sales of more than 125 million copies, a couple of his famous books being, Kane And Abel, and The Fourth Estate, to name but two.

His political life has had many highs, and he is undoubtedly a great leader, he was a member of parliament for Louth for 5 years, a former Deputy Chairman of the Conservative party for 1 year, a Conservative Party Candidate for London Mayor, and was made a Life Peer by the Queen in 1992. Jeffrey was charged with perjury and conspiracy to pervert the course of justice in 2001, and was released in July 2003 having served 2 years in prison. He published 3 volumes of his prison diaries, Volume I Hell, Volume II Purgatory, and Volume III Heaven .

Oh and just a wonderful random fact to round off, in 1966 he ran 100 yards in 9.6 seconds for Great Britain!

So all in all a complex character with a very interesting life, and I have only touched the surface in my profile here. It is well worth checking out his blog, and literary works. And thanks again for taking part Jeffrey.

P.S. You mention your first love taught you a passion for art. I can relate because when in San Francisco I lost my 'art.

Your Site Address : Official Website For Jeffrey Archer & Jeffrey's Official Blog

Joe Blog's Interview #97 Iain Dale

2007-03-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

Name : Iain Dale
Age : 44
Location : London
Vocation : Political Commentator
Philosophy : Conservative

Sum up what your blog is about.
Political analysis, commentary, gossip and humour.

Why are you doing your blog?
It gives me a platform to say the things I want to.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
The one where I pretended I had met the Queen in the grounds of Windsor Castle and she said she read my blog. You'd be amazed at how many people fell for that.

What is your writing style?
Very conversational. I tend to write my blog as I would speak.

What do people commonly say about your site?
They tend to highlight the gossipy side, but I guess that's why it is popular.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Watching Coronation Street...

Why should someone visit your site?
Not for me to say, but I suppose it gives them some sort of insight into the Conservative Party and centre right politics.

What did you learn from your first love?
That I didn't like eight year old girls with runny noses

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Apart from the usual suspects of Guido Fawkes and Conservative Home, my regular reads include Dizzy Thinks, Nadine Dorries, Wife in the North and Norfolk Blogger

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Richard Nixon - a truly complicated, fascinating and misunderstood man.

What one website would you recommend and why?
18 Doughty Street.com - it's where I appear live for three hours every night!

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I gave away my FA Cup Final ticket to a friend who has been following West Ham for 40 years but didn't get a ticket. I hated doing it, but I knew I had to. Everything came out right in the end as someone then gave me a ticket at the last minute.

As a former Conservative party candidate, how would you engage people in politics more?
There's got to me more of a dialogue. Politicians tend to talk at people. They need to be on 'receive' as well as 'broadcast'. The internet is great in this regard and really helps politicians speak to bespoke groups.

What one policy would you most like to action in government?
Establish an English Parliament.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Bill Clinton is on the beach at Martha's Vinyard and finds that an old bottle has washed ashore. When the Prez opens it, a very pale Genie snakes out.
Genie : Hi Bill, I'm a very weak genie so I can only grant you one wish and it had better be easy if you want me to do it.
Clinton : I pray for world peace, give me that
Genie : That's a little hard, give me something easier.
Clinton : Make Hillary into the most beautiful woman in the world?
Genie : World peace it is then.

Joe Blogs : Topical joke there Iain. Wow I never thought I'd get a former politician to answer one question, let alone the several I asked here! Iain Dale is the highest profile interview I have had in the British political arena. Iain stood in a general election for the Conservative party in Norfolk North in 2005, and acted as the chief of staff to Rt Hon David Davis MP, in the recent Conservative Party leadership campaign.

Currently Iain Dale works as a freelance broadcaster, and has many credits including being a regular newspaper reviewer on BBC News 24, and writer for publications. He is often invited on to programmes as a political pundit or analyst. So it's great that Iain was able to answer my questions, and maybe engage more people in politics. I'd recommend you look at his blog, which is by all accounts one of the best political blogs in the UK. It highlights current affairs, and the ins an outs of politics in the UK. This is all done with a dash of humour, and the odd exclusive!

Got me thinking, how can politics be more engaging for people?

Your Site Address : Iain Dale's Diary

Just An Update & The Week In Pictures

2007-03-04T03:49:00.000-08:00

Hi, just an update, check out new interviews with Andrew Collins, famed BBC radio presenter and broadcaster, and writer of Blog, Never Knowingly Underwhelmed. Also check out my interview with Jennifer Jones author of Blog, How To Tell If A Guy Is A Jerk. As always you can check out the archive.

So, in the news, an 80 year old woman from Florida crashes into a driving test centre, on the day of her test. She accelerated too hard and went through a wall in the driving test waiting room, injuring 11 people. Well they say Florida is God’s waiting room, but I didn't know he was a driving examiner. Imagine if God was taking the test.

God : OK son, buckle up, and choose your path.
Learner Driver : I'm not sure where to turn.
God : Look for a sign.
Learner Driver : Ah, I see it's a one way system straight ahead, who's that person making faces at me Lord, on the sidewalk there?.
God : Don't pay any attention son, turn the other cheek...Aggggh, but keep your eyes on the road!
Learner Driver : So hows my driving God? It's pretty awesome isn't it?
(Bump)
God : Oh My... You just hit that little old lady, I told you pride comes before a fall!
Learner Driver : Ooops I'm sorry God, I'll make it up to you.
God : OK now you just need to turn in here and park to complete the test. Not so fast!
CRASH!
God : What have you done?
Learner Driver : God knows..well you told me to turn over a new jeep.

The Dutch have been working on innovative floating eco-homes, to combat floods and the rising sea level. So Waterworld could really be a reality with talk of floating city's. Where Australian Olympian Ian Thorpe will rule the world with his size 17 feet, and people will have genetically modified webbed feet. That's my prediction for the future.

Silicon has been found in petrol in the UK, so that's what they mean by inflating prices.

Here's a selection of my favourite pictures from the past week. Thanks to David over at his hilarious site The Spine, as featured in my interview.

'Posh Is Coming To America!'

'Home Grown Terrorists'

And thanks to John Pangia at Sid In The City, who also featured in an interview with me.

That's all for now folks.

Joe Blog's Interview #96 Welcome To Hicksville

2007-03-02T11:38:00.000-08:00

Name : Choochoo (well, no. Not really)
Age : 27.
Location : Hellhole.
Vocation : Student and writer (= broke) and professional complainer.
Philosophy : Someone ought to give me money just for being me.

Sum up what your blog is about.
Well, basically it’s a collection of all the strange stuff that is allowed to go on inside my mind when there's nobody there to stop me.

Why are you doing your blog?
I'd like to say that it’s because it’s about all things important and that it's got all sorts of deep meanings, but that would be a blatant lie. Mostly it’s because of boredom.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
Oh, its all brilliant stuff, of course and I would highly recommend that everyone reads it all. But if I absolutely have to pick one, I'd choose the one from 22/02, about the guy who got shot by his dog. Basically, because I find the idea of being shot by a pet funny, but also because my long-term blogging memory sucks.

What is your writing style?
Am I supposed to have style? Damn, I thought it was enough to just show up...

What do people commonly say about your site?
The word "therapy" keeps coming up. I have no idea why. A friend once told me that if I had a wild, exciting life somewhere civilized, in stead of just blogging out of boredom, it would be the best blog ever. My ego just sucked that one right up and swelled like you wouldn't believe. And I liked it.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
It would probably be a toss-up between watching TV or shovelling the driveway.

Why should someone visit your site?
If nobody ever visited my site, there would be no point in blogging and then I'd have to shovel the driveway, which depresses the hell out of me. You wouldn't really want to be responsible for that, would you?

What did you learn from your first love?
I had my first love when I was eight years old. It was Cary Grant, who was both gay and dead. Eventually I learned to not develop crushes on men unless they were alive, straight and in colour.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Sure. Too many. I have a whole link list on my site. See, there's another good reason to visit, right there.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Cary Grant. Okay, so I'm not -completely- over it. So shoot me.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I always check PostSecret every Sunday. It's fascinating.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I made a donation when the National Organization Against Crib Death called not that long ago. That made me feel like a real grown-up. But then they started calling me almost every day, and I had all sorts of ugly thoughts about them, so I'm thinking that I might have blown whatever karma I racked up there...

What are the people like in Hickville?
They drive tractors everywhere and they're very religious. Not normal religions, mind you. They have weird sect religions. They also wear overalls a lot.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
A few years ago we rented a very nice cabin on a very nice island in a very nice forest. Around the cabin, there were sheep, some of which were nice and some weren't. I once went there with my uncle and my cousin. My uncle, being slightly odd, spent the evening playing heavy metal songs on a ukulele. This drove the sheep into what could only be described as a mad frenzy. They broke through the fence and crapped absolutely everywhere. That was funny. At least it was once we put some distance between ourselves and the huge piles of sheep-crap.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Get over yourself, for crying out loud!

Any interesting travel stories?
I once went to Bulgaria where I gave several lifeguards a fright (or many frights) by floating face-down in the water as if I'd drowned. In my defence, I wasn't very old. Old enough to know better, but young enough to ignore that fact.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
That might be the thing with the sheep. I feel as if I really learned something about those woolly creatures that day.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What did you do on September 9th 1998?

Joe Blogs : Oh good question. This is like those what were you doing during JFK assassination or 911 questions. Okay so 9th September 1998, I'm not sure exactly what I was doing that day. I was 17 so probably not up too much good. I was enrolled at college doing A Levels in Media, Sociology, and English Literature. I was probably still getting over England's poor showing in the World Cup come to think of it.

So that's me, it begs the question what were you doing on that day Choochoo?

Your Site Address : Stop Looking At Me

Joe Blog's Interview #95 Revealed : How To Tell If A Guy Is A Jerk

2007-03-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

Name : Jennifer Jones
Age : I’m the perfect age!
Location : Virginia
Vocation : Therapist, yoga teacher, musician
Philosophy : The universe is calling forth the goodness and creativity within each of us to further the unfolding our the story.

Sum up what your blog is about.
How to Tell if a Guy is a Jerk, is my attempt to lightheartedly help women find great men, and to help great men be found!

Why are you doing your blog?
I encounter many women who need some help in finding a great guy, and there are great men who need help to be found!

What is the funniest entry on your site?
I posted about a device known as a “Jerk meter”… this is a real devise used by scientists to measure jerks. I’m not kidding. I randomly discovered there was such a thing and decided my blog is actually Jerk meter. The post may not really be that funny but for some reason, the idea of brilliant, scientists all sitting around studying jerks with their Jerk meter just made me laugh!

What is your writing style?
For this blog, I write as if I am writing to all my girlfriends who have made some poor choices in finding a partner. On occasion however, I do find myself switching into counselor mode but mostly it is lighthearted and positive!

What do people commonly say about your site?
Everyone (with one exception), who has commented on my site has praised it! What is surprising is how many men totally love this site! I think it validates them because they are really great guys! I’ve had tons of women tell me they wish they had found the site earlier!

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
My free time is my blogging time so if I didn’t blog I would be finishing up art projects, gardening, reading, or working on some research project!

Why should someone visit your site?
Single women looking for a great guy should definitely read this blog to assist them in finding a really terrific man. I’ve also had lots of dad’s recommend this site to their daughters so parents that want their daughter to stop hooking out with not-so-great guys may find it helpful. I put a lot of effort into making this blog very positive toward men… it really celebrates their goodness and highlights the fact that women don’t need to settle for jerks. There are great men out there!

What did you learn from your first love?
My current love is my first and only true love. I’ve learned about life, about myself, about relationships, about what it means to be partner, and what it means to truly love and be loved.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I have several. I really enjoy blogs that give me something to ponder, something that expands my mind and heart and experience of life, or something that enriches my soul!

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
I have a very LONG list of people with whom I would like to chat…Mostly scientists, spiritual masters, and, enlightened thinkers… Stephen Hawking, Brian Swimme, Robert Wright, Ursula Goodenough, come immediately to mind.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I have numerous great sites I would recommend, but Greg Laden’s “Evolution – it’s not just a theory anymore”, is really important and timely for our world.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I decided to dedicate some of my blogging time to the individual needs of readers who contact me. Communicating with readers has been a big blessing in my life.

So can you summarize, how can you tell if a guy is a jerk?
It comes down to two things…. Women need to live consciously and listen to their gut! So many women ignore important warning signs, and they ignore their own heart and mind. I am hoping to help women more clearly identify what is or is not a truly great man. The things that make a man great have more to do with integrity, decency, and respect than they do how much money they have, what kind of car they drive, or how powerful is their job!

On the flip side, how can you tell if a woman is not right for you?
I think for both men and women, the secret to finding someone right for you is to really know yourself, and to know what is important to you. Being really clear about what you want in your life and in your relationship makes a big difference.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
As long as I can remember, I’ve needed the same advice… be true to yourself, listen to your heart, follow your dreams. I still need this! LOL!

Any interesting travel stories?
I’ve had some amazing adventures… my most exotic travel experience was living in a very, VERY remote native Alaskan village for a summer. No, electricity, no phones, no cars…. It was wild!

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
I’ve had some amazing experiences but the two most profound are: Knowing and experiencing love, and giving birth.

Ask me one question, anything you like.
What can we do to heal the world and bring goodness to our lives?

Joe Blogs : Brings to mind a Michael Jackson song. Um, I don't know, if we all treated each other as we would want to be treated is a good one. Quite a big question really. Charity begins at home I say, does that make me a jerk? Or the fact that I sometimes wear mismatching socks, and misuse apostrophes, how do I rate on the Jerk meter?

Read Jennifer's Blog to find out more on this complex issue.

Your Site Address : How To Tell If A Guy Is A Jerk

Joe Blog's Interview #94 Andrew Collins

2007-02-28T14:52:00.000-08:00

Name : Andrew Collins (Wikipedia & IMDB)
Age : 41 (42 in four days)
Location : London
Vocation : Writer, broadcaster, anything.
Philosophy : Could be worse, could be raining.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It is mainly about TV programmes, films and West End stage musicals I have seen, or books that I have read, deftly interwoven with my views on health and nutrition, current affairs and trying to get satisfaction in shops.

Why are you doing your blog?
I started it in April 2005, when I moved from doing a daily weekday radio show on BBC 6 Music to the weekend. For the benefit on my listeners I decided to start recording what I did in the week, so that we were all up to speed come Saturday.

It appeared on the 6 Music website. I stopped doing it in December 2005, as it was interfering with my actual work. Then I started it again, in a slightly less regular format, in February 2006 on my own website, so that the BBC didn't have to assure people that my views were not necessarily those of the BBC at the end of each entry.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
Comedy is subjective. What I find funny is not necessarily what other people find funny. I found this line I wrote last week about giving up buying the Guardian because its coverage of health matters made me angry quite funny: "I realise it won't even be a blip on the Guardian's circulation radar, but my life will be greatly improved and I'm hoping that peace and calm will descend upon me, as I read about the end of the world every day in the Independent." I think I found it funny because I didn't know I was going to write it until I wrote it.

What is your writing style?
I hope it's clear and concise and properly punctuated, unlike your blog, Mr Blogs. The apostrophe in "Joe Blog's blogs" should come after the "s" in "Blogs", not before the "s", unless your name is Mr Blog, and I don't think it is. I can only assume you were educated some time after the 80s, when education in this country was ruined forever. (If so, I let you off. Not your fault.)

What do people commonly say about your site?
If they are doctors, they say I am wrong about the efficacy of homeopathy. But I don't care what they think.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Writing a sitcom for BBC1, writing a one-off comedy drama for Channel 4, writing a radio sitcom for Comic Relief, or writing a novel. These are the four things I should currently be writing instead of answering these questions.

Why should someone visit your site?
If they want to find out when my next book is published, although it's May 3, so they don't need to visit the site to find that out any more. To read the blog and more importantly, join the "community".

What did you learn from your first love?
That first love is not as important as it seems at the time.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Richard Herring's is the only blog I read every single word of. He is a comic genius. I enjoy The Urban Woo because Clair, who writes it, is a journalist and punctuates properly. I will often click on the blogs of bloggers who comment on my blog.

How much time do you spend writing material, with all the different projects you have?
I start early, sometimes as early as 7am, and always finish before 7pm, with plenty of screen breaks. During those two times, I should be writing all the time, but clearly I have meetings and travel time to work in too.

If you could be in any TV series (new or old) which would it be and what character would you like to play?
I would like to be in The Wire, playing an unnamed cop in the background at a wake for a fellow officer in Kavanagh's bar, singing along to a Pogues song.

What's been the highlight of your career?
Probably winning a Sony Gold award for Collins & Maconie's Hit Parade in 1995, although it worries me that my highlight might have been 12 years ago. It suggests it's all been downhill ever since, which it hasn't. I was rather proud to finally be invited on Richard & Judy and that was only last week.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
Filled my three bird feeders to the brim two days ago, so that the goldfinches, chaffinches, tits, robins and woodpeckers may feast to their hearts' content on peanuts and sunflower seeds, while the blackbirds, robins and lone pigeon may hoover up the bits that fall to the ground beneath. (Note where the apostrophe is in "hearts".)

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I once insulted Christina Ricci by mistake. It's in my next book, which is out on May 3.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Five years ago, February 2002, I was just about to start broadcasting five days a week on the about-to-be-launched 6 Music. I would have said to myself: don't move to Reigate.

Any interesting travel stories?
In 1992 I flew out to Boston with a photographer and record company representative to interview the Lemonheads, and instead of flying home from Boston, I hitched a ride on Curve's tour bus and drove to New York, then rearranged my flight and flew back from New York a few days later, on my own. It might not sound like much of an adventure, but I was 27 and it was the most spontaneous thing I'd ever done in my life.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Getting a book published about growing up in Northampton in the 1970s and seeing it go into the Sunday Times bestseller lists. I still can't believe that.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
When are you going to correct the apostrophe in "Joe Blog's"? (In some ways, I think you should keep it the way it is, and change your name.)

Joe Blogs : Where were you 94 interviews ago! I know what your saying about the apostrophe, and it obviously causes you some annoyance, me too now. When I write it like you suggest though, it just doesn't look right. Would you believe me if I said I dictate this blog to my PA Kelsey Grammer? My name is Joe Blogs, so I won't be changing that. If I change the apostrophe now, it would be a bitter pill to swallow. I might change it after I've tort my next Inglish class. I've got a good link here, The Apostrophe Game!

Aside from my grammatical faux pas, check out Andrew Collins' blog, it really is a good read, and made me chuckle. Mr Collins is an accomplished writer and broadcaster. A glance at Andrews amazing CV includes his autobiographies, 'Where Did It All Go Right?', and 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now'. Also he has his BBC 6 Music radio shows, and is the film editor for The Radio Times. This is the tip of the iceberg, you can find out all about Andrew on his blog.

By the way Andrew, Happy Birthday for March 4th, and thanks for taking time out to answer these questions.

Your Site Address : Never Knowingly Underwhelmed

Joe Blog's Interview #93 Professional Neurotic

2007-02-27T14:39:00.000-08:00

Name : Kelley
Age : 26
Location : Richmond, Va
Vocation : Professional Neurotic
Philosophy : We're all so much more alike than different.

Sum up what your blog is about.
That's tough, because coherency is not one of my strengths. I write about what I find funny, interesting, odd or moving.

Why are you doing your blog?
Initially, I started blogging because I've never had the discipline to write on a consistent basis; I needed an audience to motivate me. I continue to blog because of the enjoyment I derive from writing, and because blogging has "introduced" me to so many interesting people. People that wouldn't make eye contact with you on the street will bare their souls on the Internet; it's kind of bizarre, but it's wonderful.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
I really, truly wanted to provide you with an answer, but I just spent the past ten minutes combing through my archives and…well, that’s tough. When I read old posts, I can’t fight the urge to mentally edit things.

What is your writing style?
Hmmm...I'm in the process of figuring it out. It runs the gamut from my usual nonsense to more serious entries like this. My favorite writers are the ones that incorporate humor without shying from weightier things; they're entertaining, but they maintain an authentic voice. When you're trying to be funny, it's so easy to dilute your voice in a persona - I find myself falling into that trap too often. So, I guess my writing style is "aspiring to be a humor writer with substance."

What do people commonly say about your site?
My mom thinks it's brilliant. My dad would award me a Pulitzer. Other than that, I'm not sure many people are talking about my blog.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
You mean like in my spare time? Like, hobbies or something? Well, I've always wanted to learn another language. I've been meaning to read more Shakespeare. Maybe I'd take a pilates class... Who am I kidding? If I wasn't blogging, I'd be watching TV or playing around on the Internet. Maybe eating.

Why should someone visit your site?
This is why I hated dating and job interviews: I'm no good at selling myself. Um, let me think... I'm a team player, I work well with others, and I'm super punctual.

What did you learn from your first love?
I learned not to cling too tightly.

Are there any blogs you enjoy reading?
Absolutely! I have a short blog roll on my site, but I visit many more. I probably read dozens of blogs every day, but it's not, like, a problem or anything. I can quit any time I choose...

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party, who would it be and why?
Oh man, that's a tantalizing proposition. I'd invite a handful of feuding young celebrities. All of the former US presidents. Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Oprah. Paula Deen. Courtney Love. Yo-Yo Ma, Daniel Barenboim, Brandon Flowers. Dave Barry. Gloria Steinem. Criss Angel. Things would probably get very interesting, but I'd have enough tequila on hand to ensure it.

Why those people? Just seems like a nice crowd.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Unfair question - there are so many great websites! But if I had to choose one... I think Post Secret is brilliant. It’s moving to get a glimpse of the invisible side of people.

Tell us about your pet dog.
Pollock! She's my baby. We adopted her from a shelter about three years ago. She's full of personality, extremely clever, and the best cuddler of all time. (I admit it: we spoon.) I named her after the artist, Jackson Pollock, because her coloring resembles a splatter painting. She's very pretentious for a shelter dog.

What has rained on your tirade recently?
You know how sometimes individually packaged foods will list the serving size as 2? Then they list the caloric content as half of what it really is, hoping you'll overlook the serving size. That's just criminal.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently?
I've been sitting here for five minutes, and I can't think of anything I've done recently that would truly qualify as a "good deed." I guess I need to work on that. I always smile at babies, and I tip generously.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
My husband and I were riding in our building's elevator with our dog the other day, and a man and a woman got into the elevator when it stopped on another floor. Our shy little dog took one look at the strangers and scurried to the back of the elevator. "That's a cute little dog," the woman said.

"Thanks," replied my husband. "She was a rescue. As you can probably tell, she used to be a pit fighter."

The woman's eyes widened. "Awwww, really?"

What advice would you have given yourself five years ago?
Five years ago I was in my third year of college, doing my best to do as little as possible to get decent grades. I would shake that girl by the shoulders and tell her to stop wasting all of the time and opportunities. Also, I would tell her to tone down the eye make-up.

Any interesting travel stories?
About a year and a half ago, my parents invited my husband and I to travel with them to Marathon, Texas (it’s a tiny town in far West Texas, near Big Bend). That was an amazing experience; it’s so remote and serene there. It feels removed from the modern world; javelina roam the landscape and giant tumbleweeds roll down the highway. (You can see a few photos here)

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
That’s a tough one, but if I’m really honest about the one thing that determined the quality of my life, I would have to say that it was being born into great circumstances. Not that I was born into wealth or prominence or anything (ha!), but I came into this world with a healthy body, a wonderful family, and a safe and happy home. I’ve had a lot of things just handed to me; I’ve never had to struggle for my security.

I guess that’s kind of a boring answer, though. Once, in college, I got drunk and scaled a water tower for a better view of the stars. That was pretty awesome.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like

What was your favorite Halloween costume?

Joe Blogs : I was never into Halloween in a big way. I guess if I was to do it now, the Scream mask would be quite cool, or Lurch from the Adams Family.

Site Address : Rain On My Tirade

Hello Chums

2007-02-26T16:29:00.000-08:00

Since my last post, we’ve had great interviews, including with a New Zealand entrepreneur, Mr Jack Yan. Also Attylah The Hen, Archbishop Cranmer, and comedian Richard Herring among others. Some have compared me to a digital version of David Letterman, none have been able to corroberate this statement though. So please take a seat.

Just a few things that have been on my radar recently.

In the news Britney has gone bald and is suffering a very public breakdown. Not as bad as when your tyres are bald and you break down in a car in the middle of a traffic jam I imagine. Now I’m not comparing Britney to an old banger. I’ve often thought how terrible it would be if my car conked out in rush hour. I guess I would call the rescue service if I was paying for one. But instead I guess I’d have to get out of the car and make a vain attempt to fix it. Open the bonnet, conduct an orchestra with the dipstick, stroke my chin, do a dance routine in the smoke, anything but actually be able to fix the car. How embarrassing would it be if a woman stopped to help me.

I think I know the reason for Britney’s recent madness. I saw a headline ‘Chimpanzees Hunt Using Spears’. It is not known if she has any choice. The monkeys make Britney chase wild boar pigs, and pick bananas. Personally I shop with Macy's, William H. Macy that is, he's quite cheap for a Hollywood star, though he does have expensive tastes.

Half of teachers in Britain have been physically assaulted, and 90% verbally abused, according to a new survey. You’d think that would mean kids are good at physical education and oral communication. The problem is kids are doing the wrong kind of lines. Kids nowadays are really good at answering back, except in maths tests.

Hospital medics could be about to stop using the traditional bedside notes, in favour of hand held PC’s. Hugh Heffner probably keeps bedside notes on nurses.

The British Ministry Of Defense tested people to see if they had real psychic ability. In new information released under the Freedom Of Information Act. They came to the conclusion it wouldn’t be much use in the defense of the nation. I could have told them that. Maybe they should do a new study to see if pigs can fly, walls can talk, or if the Pope is catholic.

Hugh Grant was handcuffed by a female fan at the premiere of his new movie Music & Lyrics, which also stars Drew Barrymore. Grant was freed by firemen and the psycho fan was then arrested. He carried on with the premiere, Drew Barrymore probably advised him to phone home. Thinking about it I wouldn’t mind being cuffed to Angelina Jolie and Shakira, but not in those circumstances. I mean what can you say to some stranger that chains themselves to you apart from “What the f…” I certainly wouldn’t want to be chained to Prince Harry going to Iraq, or a peckish Hannibal Lecter.

Helen Mirren won the best actress Oscar. It's no surprise with all the promotional material I've seen. They must have spent millions promoting the movie, every time I pay for something in the shop, or post a letter. It's in your face. I don't like this agressive marketing, in fact all I can think about is the Queen movie. Forest Whittaker won best actor but you don't see stamps and mugs with his face on do you?

Hope you enjoy the interviews, and thanks for your comments.

Joe Blog's Interview #92 Comedian Richard Herring

2007-02-26T02:35:00.000-08:00

Name : Richard Herring (Wikipedia, & IMDB)
Age : 39
Location : London UK
Vocation : Writer and comedian.
Philosophy : My enemy's enemy is my friend. Unfortunately my enemy is his own worst enemy, so I have to invite him to barbecues, which is quite annoying.

Sum up what your blog is about.
I basically try to take one incident from the day and write about it in a humorous way. I find the smaller the incident, the funnier it tends to be. It's mainly about my own stupidity, paranoia and wasted life

Why are you doing your blog?
The initial idea was that it would be an attempt to write for half an hour in the morning to warm up for the proper work I had to do. I also wanted to record the minutia of life that so often gets forgotten. As it turns out it's often the only thing I write in the day, but it has been a brilliant way to generate material and actually led to me getting back into stand up. Most of the material in my last two shows originated in the blog.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
This is the one of my favourites - (click here) and probably sums up the ethos of the blog more than any other. It also went on to form the cornerstone of my 2005 stand up show. It's something that I would never have considered for stand up if it hadn't been for the blog and that I would never have written down.

What is your writing style?
Not for me to say.

What do people commonly say about your site?
It generally seems to amuse and impress people, though seems to infuriate about one in a thousand people who perhaps take me a little seriously.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I would be wasting the time in some less productive manner.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because they want to.

What did you learn from your first love?
This question seems out of place.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Emma Kennedy's is quite good despite being a copy of mine. Andrew Collings does a good one.

They say comedy acting is the hardest, do you agree?
The hardest thing ever? Probably not. The hardest kind of acting? Not for me. Serious acting is pretty difficult. Being funny is much easier for me. But acting is much harder than it looks.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Kurt Vonnegut is the greatest living writer and I would love to listen to him talking for an evening.

What website would you recommend and why?
Not BBC is an entertaining forum for debates about comedy.

How do you deal with a heckler in the audience?
In many different ways. Too detailed to go into here. But basically they are almost certainly less funny and more drunk and more stupid than me, so it's a matter of answering quickly and wittily, without losing your temper.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I have helped to destroy the environment with my selfish use of natural resources, thus hastening the destruction of the human race, which is a blight and a cancer that must be wiped out for the sake of the rest of the planet.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Go to my website. There's four years worth on there.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
This question does not quite make sense. What advice would I now give the me of five years ago? With the benefit of hindsight? Is that what you mean? I would have advised me to stop wasting so much time and do more work and I am sure the me of 5 years time would offer the same advice to the me of now. I wouldn't want to change any of the mistakes I have made. They have all been instructive and you kind of have to live through the rubbish stuff because just having someone telling you about it is not enough.

Any interesting travel stories?
Here's one, click here

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Beating the other 600 million sperm to make it to the egg.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What's the point?

Joe Blogs : Quite a blunt question I must say! Granted, I did say ask any question. Man, your one opportunity to ask me a question and you blew it! I'm confused how to answer, you did say 'What's the point?', I don't know whether to refer you to the Samaritans helpline, or a cartographer. F1 Driver Jenson Button would also like to know what a point is as well I imagine.

What is the point in it all, maybe my readers can enlighten us? Or better still visit comedy legend Richard Herring's Blog, Warming Up, whose work includes Stand Up shows 'Talking Cock' and 'Someone Likes Yoghurt', also writing credits include Lee & Herring, Time Gentlemen Please, & Script Editor on 3rd Series of Little Britain to name but a few.

Your Site Address : Richard Herring's Warming Up

Joe Blog's Interview #91 Serenity Quest

2007-02-26T01:20:00.000-08:00

Name : Tisha!
Age : 34 (going on 5)
Location : Brussels, Belgium
Vocation : Cross-Cultural Consultant
Philosophy : Carpe Diem!

Sum up what your blog is about
Feel, think, react, let YOUR voice be heard. Serenity Quest is a platform for people of all backgrounds to express themselves.

Why are you doing your blog?
Blogging started out as therapeutic, a way to get things off my chest but it has developed into communication, dialogue and exchange of ideas and thoughts with other bloggers from whom I learn a great deal and am inspired.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
Funny is in the eye of the beholder but for me it is a toss up between
Innocent or Guilty? and New York City Subway Tales (Tails).

What is your writing style?
Creative and freestyle writing, according to what’s on my mind at the moment.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Fun, wacky, weird. No doubt I am eccentric and people find oddities entertaining.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Pulling my hair out!

Why should someone visit your site?
To share their experiences with others.

What did you learn from your first love?
Never trust a British bloke (tongue and cheek).

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
There are so many and it would be difficult for me to name just one, so I’ll slyly not answer that thanks.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
King David. He and I would sit around a banquet and shoot the breeze about his dilly-dallying.

What one website would you recommend and why?
We’re bombarded with so much bad news on a regular basis so every once in a while I visit the Good News Network to refresh my mind, my heart. Too much sad news can be unhealthy.

What's the weirdest thing you have seen in New York?
Millions of people walking with their heads down never making eye contact, weird.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently
I’ve created a photo blog for a close friend and dang now he’s getting on my nerves.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind
In Brussels they often mistake me for a Moroccan. On one particular occasion an older gentleman addresses me in Arabic and was sorely disappointed I didn’t understand what he was saying. He was pissed and shouted in French “your parents should be ashamed of themselves not teaching you your culture and language”. I swore I wasn’t Moroccan but the schmuck wouldn’t believe me.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Never write about the family because at some point a relative will find ammunition for upheaval of your life.

Any interesting travel stories?
My Jordanian Adventure still freaks me out and makes me say “What was I thinking!?”

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
The first time I set my eyes on Jerusalem an overpowering feeling came over me and I felt so insignificant and in awe.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Why do you blog?

Joe Blogs : I'm OK at creative writing, and I enjoy bringing lots of people together through this blog. It's interesting to see snippets into other peoples lives through these interviews I do.

Your Site Address : Serenity Quest

Joe Blog's Interview #90 Author Zoe McCarthy

2007-02-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

Name : Zed
Age : One never asks a woman's age.
Location : Bugum.
Vocation : Officer Manager (for the next five minutes, or so ...)
Philosophy : /"L'Enfer, c'est les autres." /(Sartre)

Sum up what your blog is about.
A mixture of the Osbournes and AbFab - a single mother trying to cope with 3.2 children.

Why are you doing your blog?
Writing it.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
I can't remember, but there is one. Probably by a Guest-Blogger. Ooops.

What is your writing style?
I try to be funny, but I'm not, so it's probably shite.

What do people commonly say about your site?
"What's a 'twat' ?" Sigh.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Something else.

Why should someone visit your site?
Now that HAS to be the most stupid question asked ever. EVER.

What did you learn from your first love?
The word 'wow'.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yes.

Why are you with your boyfriend, if he is as you say a twat?
I love him all the more for being a twat. It makes him all the more different from the other boyfriends that I have had and he doesn't mind the term of endearment.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Johnny Depp, simply for his good looks, Kiefer Sutherland, as he'd keep me safe and sound until he gets kidnapped yet again, Helen Mirren, to know what it takes to be such a good actress, Heather Mills, to know what it's like to be in a lawsuit against a Beatle, Margaret Thatcher, as she wouldn't last long at the table (thank god) and Richard Branson, to know the secret of his success.

What one website would you recommend and why?
That is an unfair question.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I haven't.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Too long to tell - read my book instead.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Leave your job.

Any interesting travel stories?
Yes.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Well, where do I start ? Given birth to twins - forgetting that, there was another one ?

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Where did you last have sex and with whom?

Joe Blogs : Not telling.

Your Site Address : My Boyfriend Is A Twat

Joe Blog's Interview #89 Anjali Speaks

2007-02-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

Name : Anjali
Age : I stopped counting after I hit 21. That was only last year.
Location : Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Vocation : Advertising
Philosophy : Life is short – live it fully and have no regrets.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It’s a platform for me to express myself. To tell my my life stories; be it my thoughts, my emotions and my travelogues. To leave bite-size pieces of me before I leave this world.

Why are you doing your blog?
I had initially started writing short stories about myself and saved them in my computer. One fine day, I shared some with a friend and she advised me to post them on a blog. “You write good s**t”, she said. The rest as they say is history. What’s the funniest entry on your blog? I think there were a few wicked-humoured ones, but if I have to choose one, I’d most probably choose this one called ‘Save me from this misery’. It still makes me laugh when I have a bad day at work.

What is your writing style?
I prefer it to be conversational; like talking to your best buddy. It’s more sincere that way. I can look back at all the foolish things I’ve done and laugh about them aloud, without fearing what others think. I take myself less seriously on my blog.

What do people commonly say about your site?
People liked my wicked humour with a touch of sarcasm. And the blog attracts the same breed of people, so that’s great actually. Most also like my travel photographs.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
The same thing I do outside of my blogging hours – work, read, cook, being a slave to my cat, daydream and travel a bit. I have a life besides blogging, y’know.

Why should someone visit your site?
Simply because they should. Heh.

What did you learn from your first love?
Two things – (i) It’s important to love yourself first. (ii) No man can love you as much as God and your pet. There was a quote I read once which says, “If you want loyalty, get a dog.” A cat who thinks he is a dog works just as well too; like my Smokey. *wink*

Climate change is caused by man. Myth or reality?
Definitely reality - women are too kind for that kind of destruction.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I really loved Tequilamockingbird, but she has stopped writing. Now, my current favourites are PostSecret and Karen Cheng’s Snippets Of Life.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Oooh that’s easy. I would love…no, lust actually, to invite His Purple Highness Prince. He is obviously the sexiest man alive. He will be my dinner and we will party like it’s 1999.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I would recommend PostSecret, because it is real. At most times, amid all those secrets, you find one [sometimes a few] that reflects exactly how you feel. And that’s awesomely powerful and equally freaky at the same time.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I remember this scene in ‘Monk’, whereby a girl was irritating monk with the riddle - Pete and Repeat are sitting in a boat. Pete fell of, so who’s left in the boat? Obviously the answer is Repeat. So the riddle became an endless annoyance.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
None really. I am what I am now because of what I’ve gone through.

Any interesting travel stories?
When I travel, I love to bargain and squeeze the traders dry. When they agree to the price I asked for, I negotiated further discount. I realized I pushed the limit a little too much when one Indian trader in Jaipur snapped at me, “Madame, you not only chop my hands, my legs and my head, you also throw my head outside of my shop! Your price, madame, NOTPOSSIBLE!”

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.
Many years ago, one rainy morning, after avoiding church for 2 months because I blamed God for my breakup, I finally dragged myself out of bed and drove myself to church. I asked God to heed my sign to prove that He will sail through the pain with me. The sign in specific – after the worship and before the sermon, I wanted the pastor to call me out. Just me alone. After the worship, the pastor walked toward the pulpit and pulled out a note from his bible and read aloud, “Will the car owner of XXX1234 come out and attend to your car coz your headlights are on.” I froze at my chair. That was my car plate number. So God is truly alive!

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
If you can be a superhero, which one would you choose and why?

Joe Blogs : I'd choose Superman. I like his range of powers, strength, speed, flight, able to freeze, and heat things. Batman has no powers just gadgets. I like the idea of saving people. And the cape of course. I'd have to listen to the Superman music By John Williams to gee me up, great theme music.

Your Site Address : Anjali Speaks

Joe Blog's Interview #88 A Norfolk Village

2007-02-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Name : JonnyB
Age : Under 40
Location : Norfolk, UK
Vocation : Ummmm... well I just sort of f**k about a bit, doing little bits of work and looking after a Baby.
Philosophy : I try to get through each day without causing a single death.

Sum up what your blog is about.
Through the life of a small Norfolk village we learn universal truths about mankind.

Why are you doing your blog?
It's 'what I do' now. I'm not sure how I got myself into this state. Originally it was a way to get in front of an audience. Now I'm pathetically desperate that the audience doesn't leave the auditorium. I've sealed the exits, and am nailing bits of wood across them at odd angles.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
This one, click here, sort of sums everything up about my life that you will ever need to know. I like it.

What is your writing style?
"A cross between Henry Root and Mr Pooter" - the Independent on Sunday. Not sure about the Henry Root bit. There is probably a bit of Molesworth in there, and stuff from other English comedic people. People like the Goodies, Stewart Lee and Richard Herring have always been influences - you can be childish and intelligent at the same time and that appeals to me. Richard Herring has a great blog.

What do people commonly say about your site?
I haven't a clue. I only know the bits they say to my face. Someone called it 'shallow' once, which I understood - it's about little tiny things and has jokes, rather than developing deep explorations of the human condition. People seem to find it funny, which is wonderful and great.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I'd probably be doing more stuff that, like, paid money.

Why should someone visit your site?
I'd hate for them to feel left out. Boom boom.

What did you learn from your first love?
It's better to open your mouth when you kiss. Or at the very least have the same sort of technique as the other party. If neither of you likes opening your mouth then that's fine.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Lots of them!!! If you want 'funny ones', Little Red Boat, and Non-workingmonkey are terrific writers. And Smaller than Life is brilliant - by a genuine comedy writer at the top of his game. And a mate. But I'd recommend him anyway. Honest.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Probably the characters from the pre-school cartoon 'Maisie'. They just all seem so good-natured and helpful, especially the crocodile, whose name is Charlie. And Nelson Mandela.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I am buying loads of things off the ebay recently. It is great!!! Call me an early-adopter if you will, but it will be massive.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I just went over the road because the burglar alarm was going off. I thought I might confront some burglars on behalf of my neighbours. But there was just a confused cleaning lady.

What's the best and worst aspects of the Norfolk village?
The best is the short walk to the Village Pub under totally dark starry skies. Dark is brilliant. The worst is the 30-mile round trip for a curry. If any Bangladeshi restauranteurs are reading this and thinking of expanding the business, please get in touch. NB no neon signs please (see previous 'dark' comment).

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I once had to stay late in the office to let in Jerry Dammers from the Specials - this was years ago. He wanted to use an Apple Mac, and I'd offered to help via a friend of a friend. I'm always rubbish in the presence of celebrities and was a bit star struck as I let him in and showed him how to use the computer. I really didn't know what to do at that point - I had to stay there like a lemon whilst he worked. I found myself being all 'forced casual', and actually started whistling nonchalantly. He was looking at me really oddly. It was ages before I realised that my nonchalant whistling was actually 'Ghost Town'. That story probably only makes sense if you are a Specials fan.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Probably get everything that you ever ever ever want to do in your life out of the way before you have a baby to look after.

Any interesting travel stories?
I went into Fakenham the other day. There is an Argos there now!!! It's exciting.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
There have been a million incredible things. I have been very lucky on the incredible thing front. I can't think of one particularly incredible thing to pick from the mountains of incredible things. Through a combination of them I have met some interesting people and done some interesting work and I didn't end up stacking shelves in Somerfield. That's pretty incredible. And we won the bowls league last year, and I got a trophy. Me!!! A trophy!!!

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
I really struggle at the difference between 'practice' and 'practise'. I know all the theory, but I have this complete blind spot. Anything you can do to help?

Joe Blogs : I can't help you. One is spelt correctly, the other is not. If you have a blind spot, practice makes perfect. Well that is the theory. By the way Jonny, be good!

Your Site Address : Jonny B's Private Secret Diary

Joe Blog's Interview #87 Shaolin Tiger

2007-02-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

Name : Shaolin
Age : Less than 30 (just)
Location : Malaysia
Vocation : Hacker
Philosophy : Free Thinker

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's mostly about me, me and more me. But I also cover other more boring stuff like food/cooking, photography, travel, SCUBA diving, cars, movies, literature, politics and some other deep stuff like blog wars!

Why are you doing your blog?
I started it because I was moving away from UK to Malaysia and I wanted to keep a lot of what I was doing plus let the people back home know where I was in the world and what I'd been up to, rather that writing loads of mass e-mails they could just check out my site and see the pictures.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Definitely this one, The Hair Down There

What is your writing style?
Witty, scathing, sarcastic, egotistical, critical and very British so I've been told.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Most commonly is that it makes them hungry, or makes them want to travel somewhere, or makes them want to beat me up..

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
That's an odd question, probably spending more time on Flickr admiring my own pictures or writing on my photoblog.

Why should someone visit your site?
To read my great writing and to see my awesome pictures (you might learn something too..)

What did you learn from your first love?
That love can be sweet, and sour. Most of all, relationships are not easy.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Loads, more than I can list. I most commonly read my friends blogs, plus a few other international blogs which are great. All those I read every day can be found in my right sidebar under the header "Those I Stalk"

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Bruce Lee, to see if I could kick his ass or not.

What one website would you recommend and why?
To avoid all the cliche blogs (Waiter Rant, Post Secret, & Clublife) I'd like to recommend my friends blog, he writes very well, has a great passion for motorbikes (amongst other things) and has had a very interesting life. You can find him at Hunting The Snark

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I bought my Mom 2 pairs of new shoes!

How do you find Malaysia?
I love Malaysia, I've been here about 3 years now. It's an amazing place for food lovers, travel lovers and people who like varied cultures. It's a melting pot of different races, languages, religions, cultures and personalities. There are brilliant places within an hours flight too like the beaches of Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. I recommend everyone to visit Malaysia (and look me up if you like).

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
A while ago I was in my previous office block going out for lunch, I got in the lift to go down, and was bored whilst waiting...picking up people at various floors. So I looked around the lift and started to read the notices posted on the wall, I saw one for lost and found. Which is fairly normal right? Until I noticed someone had 'lost' a photocopier, I mean how the hell do you do that? "

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Don't be such an asshole, you don't know everything.

Any interesting travel stories?
Oh plenty, but better you read those travel stories, on my blog, they are kinda long :)

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
I found a girl that can actually put up with me!

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
How did you find my blog? Do you read it regularly?

Joe Blogs : I found your blog in the dictionary under greatness. Whenever I'm in a geeky Kung Fu mood I check it out. I read it as religiously as a Shaolin monk.

Your Site Address : ShaolinTiger - Kung-fu Geekery

Joe Blog's Interview #86 Jack At The Top Of The Beanstalk!

2007-02-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

Name : Jack Yan (IMDB & Wikipedia profiles!)
Age : 34
Location : Wellington, New Zealand
Vocation : CEO, Jack Yan & Associates
Philosophy : Confucianist.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's mainly a business blog on branding, leadership and the media, but like all TV shows that go on for too long, I start talking about the characters—in this case, me.

Why are you doing your blog?
Originally, to vent. There are more nutters on the planet than sane people. Now, I just do it as a way to chill out. Call it contributory escapism.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
I began keeping a personal blog, separate from the non-work one, and I would say these got some good feedback, Theories On The Disappearance Of Chuck Cunningham, & Business Idea. I am probably funnier in comments.

What is your writing style?
Probably “honest” with a dose of humility. More Cosby Show than Benson. More Sam Tyler than Gene Hunt. More Bodie than Doyle. Dad hates Martin Shaw. I should mention that.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Most of the feedback I get is positive, but to others, I am one of those nutters that folks write about on their blogs.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
I'd be going around the world pretending to be Richard Bradford in Man in a Suitcase. Which probably means I'd be hanging around Elstree Studios pretending I was going around the world. Come to think of it, I'd rather blog.

Why should someone visit your site?
To know that there are weirder people than them.

What did you learn from your first love?
I'm still learning from her.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Quite a few. Off the top of my head, Mark Allen's one is quite fun if you want to chill out. It's a dose of life from a mad Australian student. He may be the only bastard weirder than me. Speaking of weird, check out George W. Bush

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Lee Kuan Yew. That guy is smart. Maybe Sir John Major. That guy is smart. And Cmdr. Straker from UFO. Whaaaat? He's fictional? Damn. Obviously, on those counts, there are numerous politicians who would never get on my guest list.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I'd recommend any of mine, so my traffic and earnings from it can go up. Visit Lucire!

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
Gave a guy on welfare some tips on how to start his own business. That man is now Sir Richard Branson. OK, he isn't. But if he becomes a greeting-card tycoon, I am hitting that boy up for a loan.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
We were at a Japanese restaurant once but we had a Chinese waitress. I said to her, 'So, are there real Japanese chefs back there?' She said there were. 'Out of curiosity, do you ever chat about, oooh, let's see, randomly, history? And do you ever cover the period from, let's say, oooh, 1933 to 1945?' Diplomatically, she didn't answer and tried to get through the order, but someone kept bringing up the war. If the waitress was Japanese, I suppose we would have got to, 'You started it.' 'No, you started it, you invaded Manchuria!' A chap called John Cleese once adapted my story for one of his sitcoms. I forget which one.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Don't be too guilty about going out with a girl in her late teens when you hit 30, because you've got the excuse that she looked a bit older.

What is the key to business success?
Being yourself and getting rid of all your negative influences.

Any interesting travel stories?
I slept on the couch at a student flat in Germany once. (One of the students was returning a favour.) The thing was, everyone in that flat had either been to New Zealand, or was at the time in New Zealand. So, here I was, in Germany, where there are posters of Lake Tekapo and all of New Zealand all over the place. And student flats all over the western world look the same (wallpaper from The Sweeney, 60 W bulbs lighting the place). It was just mind-boggling. I'm sure there were moments I didn't know whether I was on Aro Street in Wellington or in the BRD.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Falling in love, and that a girl can have all the qualities I've looked for.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Is Grandpa Blog's blog still around?

Joe Blogs : No, the hieroglyphics wasn't working out for him. Only mummy could read it.

Your Site Address : Jack Yan

Joe Blog's Interview #85 Kite Flyer Cassie!

2007-02-21T12:24:00.000-08:00

Name : Cassie
Age : 24
Location : Austin, TX
Vocation : Kite guru and advisor of tethered aviation (...I sell kites, OK?)
Philosophy : Life is short, try to catch as much as you can!

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's kind of a journal, kind of a photo log. It's a place to put my thoughts.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because I needed my own little corner of the web to put my thoughts. I like having people leave me comments with their thoughts, and it gives me a spot to talk about the pictures that I take. 99% of the times, it's the pictures that spur my thoughts in posts.

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?
At&T Can Kiss My... It's kind of a sarcastically funny post. It covers a series of conversations with the idiots at AT&T.

What is your writing style?
Stream of thought. I generally write a post off the top of my head, proof it, and then after I post it I double check for formatting stuff. I don't do the "Oh, an idea! Write a little and save a draft!" thing. That requires too much planning.

How much would you sell your blog for?
100 million dollars. No, really, I don't think my blog is worth much to anyone but me. So, I don't think I would sell it... no point really. But, if you REALLY wanted to buy it, let me know. We can work out something.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That they love my pictures and stories about the travel I've been on recently.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because I'm f-in RAD. And really, I have some crazy s**t go down in my life, if anything you can read about lingerie parties (coming soon, the party is this weekend) and Mexican Martini nights, because that's how we entertain ourselves in Austin. And other times, you can read my sarcastic thoughts on life and work and human rights. Whee.

What did you learn from your first love?
Not to trust men. (Or really, not to trust him. Asshole dumped me on my Birthday. My BIRTHDAY for gods sake. Who DOES that? Which reminds me of a topic for a future post.) But really, he completely destroyed a lot of my confidence. It took me years to not be afraid of being hurt again.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Too many to count. Check out my links, or email me. I'll send you a complete list of my blogs bookmarks. There's probably about 50 that I've got bookmarked, and I check them all at least once a month.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Well, first off, I'd invite your mom because I heard she's QUITE the hottie. Other than that? It depends on who is footing the bill. Because, if some unknown millionaire wants to host a dinner party on my behalf, I'd probably invite everyone I know. There's so many people all over the country that I've lost touch with because I have a habit of moving 2000 miles away every few years. As a result, there's probably about 50 people specifically (and people that they'll remind me that I forgot) that I'd love to bring together. But in reality, I've had a plan for years that when I'm independently wealthy (HA) I'll buy and island and import everyone I know (and like) there. That way we can grow some corn or something and have a good old time without having to pay airfare to visit each other. Sound good? Someday, it will happen and at that point you better hope you made it onto the list! Because, really now. Who wouldn't want to live on an island with a bunch of people that only I knew in advance?

What one website would you recommend and why?
Jason Mulgrew That's the one blog that I read religiously and it cracks me up pretty seriously. I'm kind of mad at him right now though... he hasn't posted for like a week.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
My cat and kitten are completely in love with each other and as a result always do everything together. I mean, they even walk through my apartment next to each other and stop at the same places to check stuff out. The other night, I cleaned out the litter box, and then watched them both go into the closet (where I keep the box) together and supervise bathroom time for each other (seeing if everything came out alright). One was using the box itself while the other was sitting on the empty litter container next to the box. Then they switched places. I couldn't stop laughing. My cats are such freaks, but I love them.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
"Honey, don't worry about the music school. It'll be OK. Go take some interesting classes. Oh, and when dad suggests to get a job in a kite shop this coming summer, you may want to carefully consider that option. Because in 5 years (seriously, its been 5 years) you may wonder what happened and how you got to this point in life."

Any interesting travel stories?
Too many to start! I travel probably 6 - 8 times a year, normally for kite events. Kite events are stories all of their own. I'm generally the youngest person there is who is in the "industry", not to mention the youngest non-married woman by at least 10 years. Oh lord, some of those old kite dudes get kind of weird (think burnt out hippie who is obsessed with making things fly and gets side tracked by that 'nice young lady'). But, it's so much fun. Plus, the road trips! I have a habit of driving straight through rather than stopping for a night, as a result I know that 18 hours is my breaking point for how many hours I can be in the car without losing it. How many people that you know have been on enough long drives to know that 18 hours is their breaking point?

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.
I've had some very lucky times. To pinpoint one would be almost impossible. There was this time that I got high with a roommate in college and went to a campus BBQ for free food. They were having a drawing for everyone who showed up and I ended up winning a DVD player. S**t, I thought the food was the prize that day! That DVD player just finally died a few months ago. Now I use my X-box.

And finally, what would you wish for with 3 wishes?
Cheesy response, or serious? Because the cheesy response would be World Peace, but I mean it too. I'd LOVE to see the world in a situation where violence wasn't the immediate response. But, for real? All I could ask for is the means to be financially stable for the rest of my life. I don't need a ton of money, but I hate it when I wonder whether or not I can afford to go to the doctor or take my boyfriend out on a date once in a while. I hate feeling broke all the time.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What was the first CD you bought?

Joe Blogs : I think it was 'I Shot The Sherrif' by Warren G. Closely followed by the reggae band Aswad. I must have been going through some weird adolescent phase!

Your Site Address : Eye Speak Photography

Joe Blog's Interview With Sharp Shooter #84

2007-02-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

Name : Wyatt Earp
Age : 37 (Old Coot)
Location : Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Vocation : Big City Police Detective
Philosophy : Yell loudly and carry a big gun!

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's about 1,300 posts. Heh. Actually, I once described it as Rants And Ravings From A Philadelphia Police Detective. I post about everything from crime, to entertainment, to posts about fluffy little clouds.

Why are you doing your blog?
Well, if I didn't, I'd be sitting a top a clock tower with a sniper rifle. It's stress relief, and since I was Editor-in-Chief of my high school and university newspapers, it's something I love to do.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Every post is funny, damnit! Actually, since I am my own worst critic, I would let my readers be the judge of that. However, my recent post about Snow in Philly got some pretty good reviews.

What is your writing style?
I would describe it as a hodge-podge of snark and sarcasm, with sparse helpings of comedy.

What do people commonly say about your site?
I once asked my readers to give testimonials. Almost every one was filled with sarcasm and bile. I was so proud that I posted them in my sidebar for everyone to enjoy.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
As my wife is constantly telling me, I would be spending more time with my family. I stopped my first blog in early 2005. Six months later, I came crawling back. Blogging is addictive; like literary crack.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because I am the law, and I said so!!! Heh. Actually, I would suggest that people stop by, read a few selected posts, and decide for themselves. SYLG is not for everyone, but I have earned 77,000 hits since June 2005, so someone must like what I'm doing here.

What did you learn from your first love?
It is MUCH easier to meet girls when they approach you first. My first love (Tara) asked me to dance with her at a high school social. Whew! No pressure there.

Are there any blogs you enjoy reading?
I visit those in my sidebar at least once a week, and love them all. I am lucky enough to be a contributor at Blogs4Bauer, and its popularity is amazing. I also like First In!, Fmragtops, Pay Heed to the Geek, and What Panda?

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
No contest : Theodore Roosevelt. In my opinion, he was the greatest President in American history. Police Commissioner of NYC, Nobel Peace Prize winner,Conservationalist,Teddy did it all.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I love IMDB. For a movie maniac like myself, it is the one-stop-shop for all things Hollywood. And it is a terrific database for those obscure movie quotes.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I saved a beached whale by removing a golf ball from its blowhole. Oh, that was a George Costanza good deed. A few days ago, Philly received a few inches of snow during a winter storm. My neighbors are elderly, and the missus and I shoveled their sidewalks. It would have been easier on the back if we had a snow blower, but what are ya gonna do?

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
It's a police story, so it is chock full of sardonic humor, but here is one from a previous post : Are you having trouble with the BMV? Are you perilously close to having your license suspended? Do you run red lights with impunity? Well, fear not, the Philadelphia Police Department is ready to help. One of the more common reports my detective division is receiving involves identity fraud. Of course, in the crud hole that is my division, the toads are taking this one step further. These jackasses are reporting the following : Someone is using my identity when they are getting pulled over, and now I am getting the traffic citations! Right. Strangely enough, some portly detective is running around town saying he is me, when in actuality, the real me weighs about 120 pounds. The trouble is that the officers are taking these reports seriously. Can you imagine? Hell, anyone can say that someone else is using their name and address when they get pulled over. I mean, who's going to be able to prove otherwise? Would you like to know why detectives rarely have the time to investigate crimes more fully? It is because we have to deal with nonsense like this.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Sleep with Anna Nicole Smith post haste! Her ovaries pave the road to riches.

Any interesting travel stories?
Except for a few jaunts to Canada with my parents, I have never been outside the States. My friends are going to the Davos Ice Hockey Tournament in Switzerland this December, but forces outside my control (read: the wife) won't allow me to go. Dang.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
I was in an auto accident with the then-Miss America. Really.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Is English food as bad as I think?

Joe Blogs : A lot of the food commonly eaten is processed and uninteresting. There are some great dishes such as bangers and mash, toad in the hole, and of course the world famous English Breakfast. The hot desserts are great, sticky toffee pudding, apple pie and custard etc. There is a lot of choice available though, Chinese, Indian, Pizza restaurants etc.

Your Site Address : Sharp Shooters

Joe Blog's Interview #83 Buckley's Blog

2007-02-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

Name : Julia Buckley

Age : 30

Location : London

Vocation : Rock Star – unfortunately this has so far been thwarted by the fact that I am unable to sing or play any musical instrument, but it is only a matter of time until I am discovered.
Philosophy : Take a chance, while you’ve still got a choice.

Sum up what your blog is about.
Me, me, me, and me. And cake.

Why are you doing your blog?
Attention seeking. Displacement activity because I’m too weirdly scared to work on my novel. Because I work from home and have no one to talk to. And a host of other psychologically healthy reasons.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
That’s a tough one. I think it’s hard to pick out what’s funniest of your stuff – that’s for other people to decide really.

My favourite posts are the ones that are funny but have a bit of a message to them as well. The Crumblies of Today, was a recent one about how older people are laying into young people because they’re not the way they were when they were kids. I tried to point out that older people are not the way their parents generation were when they were their age either – the world’s changed and so has everyone in it. Hopefully that came across as well as the humour.

What is your writing style?
I just say it like I see.

What do people commonly say about your site?
The other week someone said my blog persona is a bit like Alice from the Vicar of Dibley. I had hoped I sounded a bit sharper than that. There is irony in there if you look for it, honest.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Being much more productive and probably earning more money.

Why should someone visit your site?
I dunno – because they feel sorry for me maybe?

What did you learn from your first love?
Teenage boys smell a bit funny and don’t kiss very well.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
No. Only mine… Of course, loads. Too many to list here, check out my blogroll.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
God, a dinner party? Um, some supermodels I suppose – because I don’t cook. I’m thinking they’d probably be happy with a few crumbs, or some bird seed, or dust, or something.

What one website would you recommend and why?
I love Stuff On My Cat It just cracks me up. I probably find it a lot more funny than it actually is though. I’m like that sometimes.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
Not invited any supermodels to a dinner party.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
People pay me to write. Ha! And I don’t even mind doing it. In fact, I really quite like it. Fools.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Learn to play guitar and join a rock band. Either that or become a spy. Also, I would tell myself all the lottery numbers so that I would know that my numbers were wrong and so I shouldn’t bother playing - thus saving a clear £1 each week. Just think, I would have £260 by now!

Any interesting travel stories?
Err, not really. My holidays mostly involve walking, and reading (because I am so rock). I made a pilgrimage to Woburn Abbey last summer though - see my post on, Tea Lovers Heroine.

Any writing tips?
Just be yourself for goodness sake. I find all the poncey-ness surrounding writing really annoying. It’s not some kind of mystical magical gift-from-the-gods, it’s just communication. And good writing is about good communication, so write so people can understand you – not to impress.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Ah, well that has to be the time when I was looking for a pen in my handbag and I couldn’t find one, but during my fumblings I discovered a Malteaser – what a chocolate-covered-honeycomb bonus that was.

Your Site Address : Buckley On The Blog

Joe Blog's Interview #82 Thriller In Manila

2007-02-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

Name : Lizza
Age : Turning 36 very, very soon
Location : Manila, Philippines
Vocation : I write
Philosophy : It's a toss-up between Dum spiro spero and In ~~vino~~ beer veritas.

Sum up what your blog is about.
It's just my thoughts about anything and nothing--which pretty much covers almost everything.

Why are you doing your blog?
To unburden my mind of lots of detritus, which I then pass off to unsuspecting visitors. Haha!

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Everything there is funny. Oh, wait. Did you mean haha-funny? Then there probably isn't anything that's that kind of funny on my blog. I'm not exactly known for comedy writing.

What is your writing style?
Depends on my mood. Sometimes straight to the point, sometimes fluffy, sometimes emo, sometimes just plain silly, always personal.

What do people commonly say about your site?
The people I know have said that it's so me. Whether that's good or bad though, I have absolutely no idea.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I'd be reading others' blogs; it's pretty much what I do today. My friend Victor and I run some sites including Expat Interviews and Weight Loss Tips--and many of the people we've featured in our sites have awesome blogs. Maybe I'd also be doing some traveling, I've always wanted to do that.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because it's there. Oh, okay. For ummmm...some good karma.

What did you learn from your first love?
That being highly intelligent and a kick ass dancer and having Mickey Mouse ears do not a good boyfriend make.

Are there any blogs you enjoy reading?
Heaps of them. Humor blogs, insightful blogs, personal blogs, family blogs--I enjoy reading them all. But there are three blogs where the writing strikes a chord deep within me: Shout (by H in India), An Unreliable Witness (by a Brit blogger) and Thwarting Complacency (by J. Sony in the USA). I want to write the way they do when I grow up.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
The Mad Hatter (because he's a crazy but wise dude), and that elusive clique known as they--because they always seem to know everything.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Just one? Man, that's like asking me to pick just one book out of all the ones I enjoy.
But, okay. Thesaurus.com. Because all those words just excite the butterflies in my tummy. Yummy (the words, not the butterflies).

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I will NOT. And I think it's a good thing that I won't. :-)

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
A gay friend of mine was in a taxi, talking to someone. Suddenly he started groping for something in his bag, his pockets, his seat. "Shit!" he kept saying. "What's wrong?" his friend asked. "I can't find my cell phone!" Of course, he realized a few seconds later that he was using his damn phone talking to his friend. I don't even want to imagine what the cab driver thought about the whole incident.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Quit your job and start freelancing. NOW!

Any interesting travel stories?
Well, there was one time I really thought I was going to die. I was shaking, my palms were sweating, my skin felt clammy. I thought I was inadvertently going to do Number Two. My whole life flashed before my glazed-over eyes. That moment immediately preceding my first plane ride--takeoff!--was the longest ten seconds of my life.

How is life in Manila?
Life can be fast-paced, it can be laid back; depends on where you live in Manila and what you do. It's a vibrant, cosmopolitan city. Large parts of it are modern (read very Western and busy); there are also sections of overwhelming poverty. But I think we're a happy people as a whole. If you ever come to visit Manila, you should look beyond the problems to enjoy the gems--not the least of which are many of the people here.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
"Hearing my children's first wail immediately after they were born. Priceless."

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What's the best and worst part about living in England?

Joe Blogs : Best part is it's multicultural, worst part is the weather.

Your Site Address : I Am Woman, See Me Blog!

Joe Blog's Interview #82 Bex

2007-02-18T03:59:00.000-08:00

Name : Bex
Age : Closer to 30 than 20
Location : near the mountains
Vocation : Currently doing odd jobs...anyone need a dog walker?
Philosophy : orange is the new pink

Sum up what your blog is about.
Me. My hubby. My dog. Other random things.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because everyone else is doing it.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
So, I almost died I don't know if it's funny...but I almost peed my pants as I was recalling it.

What is your writing style?
I hate when people don't use proper grammar and yet, my entries are full of ungrammarable partial sentences.

What do people commonly say about your site?
It's very....orange.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
Probably training to become a cage fighter.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because it's on THE Mr Joe Blogs blog!

What did you learn from your first love?
How to argue with someone and win.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I've always enjoyed Post Secrets --it makes me feel better about myself.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
All of my blog friends who I have not met in real life. We'd eat and chat, saying things like, "lol" and "WTH" in real life conversation.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Snopes! I recommend this to all of my friends who email me those stories... ya know the ones: "Man dies in his sleep from breathing in his own farts. Forward this email to 253 people in the next 5 minutes or you too will die this way."

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I let my hubby eat the last cookie even though I really, really wanted it.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Once I was sitting outside a store and some guy came walking out. He was pointing to his eye and screaming, "EYEBALL!! EYEBALL!!" If that's not funny, at least it's random.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
I would tell myself to get a degree in something I actually enjoy, even if it means a few more years of college.

Any interesting travel stories?
The first time I ever went to a beach, I had to wear a heavy winter coat...not quite what I was expecting in paradise.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
My handsome husband.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What is your favorite Skittles flavor (please say orange please say orange) ?

Joe Blogs : I must say I'm partial to the orange Skittle, they bring out the color in my eyes.

Your Site Address : Pale Orange

Joe Blog's Interview With His Grace! #81

2007-02-17T03:18:00.000-08:00

Name : Archbishop Cranmer
Age : 518, but in very good health
Location : Canterbury, England
Vocation : Archbishop of Canterbury
Philosophy : Seek the truth while it may be found

Sum up what your blog is about.
Examining religio-political agendas with politico-religious objectives.

Why are you doing your blog?
His Grace just told you.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
The intelligence and erudition of His Grace’s communicants display a proliferation of charm and wit.

What is your writing style?
Classically entertaining.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That it is addictive.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Writing sermons.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because whichever way you turn, you cannot ignore the religious dimension of life, and decisions taken on that have political implications.

What did you learn from your first love?
That one can be loved, wanted, needed, and that such a need makes the heart whole.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yes, but they don’t beat the Bible.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Jesus. Not for more wine, but because he split history in two.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Anglican friends of Israel, because Israel unjustly gets an appalling press, and is increasingly sidelined by the Church of England.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I do them in secret; the reward is greater.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
His Grace has an ordered and reasoned mind; nothing is random.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
His Grace was not then resurrected.

Any interesting travel stories?
Lots, but it would be like showing your readers His Grace’s holiday snaps, and he refuses to intentionally bore anyone.

Does God exist?
Most certainly.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Being burned at the stake in 1556. It hurt.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What is your spiritual inclination?

Joe Blogs : My inclination is more towards the Bhuddist philosophy. I don't profess to follow any religion though.

Your Site Address : Archbishop Cranmer

Joe Blog's Interview #80 Attylah The Hen

2007-02-17T01:40:00.000-08:00

Name : Atyllah the Hen - Chicken with Attitude
Age : How rude! BaKaaaaK!
Location : Free Roaming.
Homeworld : Novapulse (Nova Pullis... New Poultry - get it?)
Vocation : Secret Agent masquerading as a writer
Philosophy : Eat Tofu or Die!Sum up what your blog is about. My mission on Earth is to observe and comment on the human condition. My blog is my means of providing feedback to Novapulse High Command and the Allied Federation of Intergalactic Associations.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because I have to - orders, you know.What's the funniest entry on your site? Hmmm... Define funny. Humans have very strange ideas about funny. The post about Granny discovering the Romping Rabbit seemed to make them laugh a lot and certainly generated some very strange Google searches...

What is your writing style?
Fast and loose.What do people commonly say about your site? "It's great!" "You're so brave." "OMG! You make me laugh!" "Take me back to Novapulse." "I love your Granny." (If only they knew what it was like to live with a werechicken granny...)

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I'd be back on Novapulse pushing paper - the punishment for failing my mission to Earth. I might also be writing my memoirs about my time amongst homo sapiens... Now that would make for one remarkable tragi-comedy! And it would form a whole new genre of chicklit...

Why should someone visit your site?
They might learn something about themselves and humanity per se. They might even get to laugh... They might wake up...

What did you learn from your first love?
Keep a vacuum cleaner next to the bed for when the er... feathers fly...

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Oh yeah. Lots. Have you got space for me to list them all? It might be easier to take a look at my blog roll.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
The Supreme Being of Andromeda. I like gleaning wisdom. Failing that, the Dalai Lama. The wisdom thing again. Besides, wise humans are so rare...

What one website would you recommend and why?
Google. I'd be lost without it. You have no idea how tough it is to get a handle on the insanity that is humanity.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I'm still busy doing it. Saving humanity from itself. But it's a tough job - possibly a hopeless one...

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Well, there's this one about what Granny did to a chicken farmer at the last full moon... Nah, humans, and chicken farmers in particular, probably wouldn't find it that funny.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Avoid all missions to Earth.

Do you eat KFC?
AAAAAAARGH! How can you ask a chicken a question like that? Are you insane? Oh, hang on, you're a human, of course you are...

Any interesting travel stories?
Oh lots. When you zip around the multiverse in a small space pod there are no end of interesting things that happen.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
This is going to sound sappy, but I'll have to say it was meeting Chicken Man. See, I have got a heart.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Would you be willing to visit Novapulse for a bit of social experimentation and if so, why? If not, why not?

Joe Blogs : Although the trip would be finger lickin ' good, I think I will decline. With my track record in eating chicken I don't think I'd be too welcome.

Your Site Address : Attylah The Hen

Do A Random Act Of Kindness

2007-02-17T01:08:00.000-08:00

The idea of this post is that people tell us about a random act of kindness they have experienced and it then hopefully inspires someone else to do a good turn. So tell us about what you have experienced, and I'll publish what the good deed was on my blog. Be anonymous if you want.

Let's inspire others to do Random Acts Of Kindness.

Good deed #1 Joe Blogs
I have donated £5 to the charity, Save The Children, to start the ball rolling.Apparently that money could provide a mosquito net to prevent children in Thailand from contracting dengue, but the money will go wherever the need is greatest in the world.

Good deed #2 Lucky Snap
LuckySnap's random act of kindness for the day: I was playing with my daughter at a local mall when I over heard a woman tell her daughter that she forgot her wallet today so she did not have any money for her daughter to play on the rides. So I dug 75 cents out of my wallet and gave it to her so that her daughter could play. It was only 75 cents, but the little girl had fun and it put a smile on my face.Thanks for writing this post Joe!

Good deed #3 Lewis at Spirit Of Saint Lewis
My partner and I were in a Shari's Restaurant (just a family place) having dinner when I was reminded that my own dad used too, occasionally, pay for somebody's bill in the restaurant. So I thought we'd try it. There was a table of people behind us, we couldn't see them at all, just hear them. And I just felt like it was time to try it out. So, I said the the young, brand-new waitress: May I please have the bill of the next table. She didn't get it at all and initially told me "no," I couldn't pay their bill. She finally got it figured out and gave it to me. Now, I asked her to not say a word....completely mum on the deal.....But before we could leave, the next table was looking/waiting for their bill and asked her where it was. She just said it right out to them: "The guys at the next table have it and are going to pay it." Oh my god, I couldn't believe it! So, I hear the lady say "Well, let's just go over there and see who they are." They all three came over, questioning looks on their faces, and eyeballing the two of us gay dudes trying to pay their bill. Then, they break out in big smiles and laughter. And THEN they start saying "It's nothing but Jesus, it's nothing but the Lord....oh, praise Jesus......oh, praise Jesus.....it's just nothing but the Lord!!!" So now, the whole restaurant is in on it....and they are staring and looking....and trying not to. So, they left happy. We left (slightly) embarrassed (and I rarely/never??? get embarrassed). But it was the right thing to do. We've tried it again, with a little more success on keeping it quiet.

Good deed #4 Heidi, from Oregon
I'm in a moms group for women who were planning to have babies in July 1999 -- some babies came earlier, some later, and a core group has continued to correspond through the second and even third babies to follow. Two months ago one of our members was preparing to welcome her sixth child when she received the news that her husband had had a terrible accident in his semi, not his fault but he ended up losing his job over it. We don't know the family's entire financial situation but she has worried to us about losing her house. Our group has adopted the woman's family for Christmas, and we're planning to send her a gift card to use however she wants, as well as individual presents for the children.

Good Deed #5 Tony
"I will be so glad when school is over and I am back working. So much of my life has changed including the way I look at and handle the holidays. I use to always find a couple of children or families to donate Christmas presents to , etc. but that 'spirit' has gone over the past three years or so of school. I do need to find a way to get back into it. And I realize the acts can be as simple as a hello to someone I might rarely if ever say hello to. Thanks for posting this."

Good Deed #6 Graalguy
I frequently go to this fast food shop to have coffee. As I enter, I overhear three preteen boys counting their money. One boy has nothing to "put into the pot," so they are short and don't quite know what to do. These kids are not from homes where there is money. They would not be in my neighbourhood if they were well-off.They won't eat unless they all eat. They don't even notice as I drop a $5 on the floor behind them. As I pass, I tell them that they dropped some money on the floor and they should be more careful with their money. They get very quiet and then rush to eat. I go sit with my friend Joann and have coffee. She asks me why I'm smiling. I don't tell her that I'm smiling to keep from crying.

Good Deed #7 Shaney
A great idea!!Kindness has always been apart of who I am, & in the past I have always done level best to help others without expectation, it is a wonderful feeling when you see the expressions on the faces of those you have willingly aided without having been asked.Hope the word spread, Joe!!

Good Deed #8 David Dragon
"I'm all for a little magic or mysticism with my Motorcycling so here's a little for your enjoyment and edification. The Guardian Bell Legend goes that a small bell attached to your motorcycle, close to the ground, catches the Evil Road Spirits. The little Gremlins that find your motorcycle try to cause all kinds of problems for you. The cavity of the bell attracts these Evil Spirits and the constant ringing drives them insane and they lose their grip and fall to the ground creating pot holes wherever they land. The legend further goes that one should not purchase a Guardian Bell for ones own Motorcycle as this renders the Bell ineffective. Instead, you should give a Guardian Bell to your biker buddy to protect them. It's a kind of Karmic "Pay it Forward" thing. Ting, Ting, Laters"

Good Deed #9 Attylah The Hen
I'm still busy doing it. Saving humanity from itself. But it's a tough job - possibly a hopeless one...

Good Deed #10 Archbishop Cranmer
I do them in secret; the reward is greater.

Good Deed #11 Pale Orange
I let my hubby eat the last cookie even though I really, really wanted it.

Good Deed #12 Wyatt Earp
I saved a beached whale by removing a golf ball from its blowhole. Oh, that was a George Costanza good deed. A few days ago, Philly received a few inches of snow during a winter storm. My neighbors are elderly, and the missus and I shoveled their sidewalks. It would have been easier on the back if we had a snow blower, but what are ya gonna do?

Good Deed #13 Jack Yan
Gave a guy on welfare some tips on how to start his own business. That man is now Sir Richard Branson. OK, he isn't. But if he becomes a greeting-card tycoon, I am hitting that boy up for a loan.

Good Deed #14 Trollop 23
I was a battered wife for some years before I managed to escape with my 2 daughters and little else.Now that I have a steady job and some security, I buy new clothing or housegoods every month to donate to the Women's Shelter that took me in.I also open doors for people who have their hands full, give my seat on the bus to the "little old lady", and ALWAYS tell someone if the tag on the back of their shirt if it's sticking out.

Good Deed #15 Shaolin Tiger
I bought my Mom 2 pairs of new shoes!

Good Deed #16 JohnnyB
I just went over the road because the burglar alarm was going off. I thought I might confront some burglars on behalf of my neighbours. But there was just a confused cleaning lady.

Good Deed #17 Anonymous
When I was sixteen, my sister was a new mom and a newlywed and incredibly poor. I was at her house one day to watch the baby and realized that she didn't have any food at all in the fridge. Just baby formula. So when she wasn't looking, I crammed all of the money that I had (it wasn't much - probably under twenty dollars) into the bottom of her purse. i knew she would find it when she was looking for her keys and would think that it was hers.

Good Deed #18 Tisha
I’ve created a photoblog for a close friend and dang now he’s getting on my nerves.

Good Deed #19 Andrew Collins
Filled my three bird feeders to the brim two days ago, so that the goldfinches, chaffinches, tits, robins and woodpeckers may feast to their hearts' content on peanuts and sunflower seeds, while the blackbirds, robins and lone pigeon may hoover up the bits that fall to the ground beneath.

Good Deed #20 Jennifer Jones
I decided to dedicate some of my blogging time to the individual needs of readers who contact me. Communicating with readers has been a big blessing in my life.

Good Deed #21 Kelly
I've been sitting here for five minutes, and I can't think of anything I've done recently that would truly qualify as a "good deed." I guess I need to work on that. I always smile at babies, and I tip generously.

Good Deed #22 John Baker
I chased a big pigeon away so a crippled blackbird could get at some crumbs.

Good Deed #23 Bruse Napier
These Americans on a hire boat had tried to run a 2 kWatt hairdrier on the inverter, and blown it. I switched it back on for them.

Good Deed #24 Mr Biffo
I helped a woman carry her pushchair up a flight of stairs. Also, I cured cancer.

Good Deed #25 Martin
I left a positive comment on a blog of a person who seemed to be having some problems and I think she appreciated it.

Good Deed #26 Gary Lawrence Murphy
I had a slsk chat request from a Korean tenor sax player asking to help find him a solid but affordable school for his next student visa visit, so I relayed the request on to some mailing lists frequented by some pretty hefty players, summarized the result and sent him back a reply.

Turned out he couldn't afford their recommendations, and decided to return to the berkeley jazz school.

Good Deed #27 Michael Allen
I do get quite a lot of correspondence from people who seek my help and advice on publishing matters. If I can, I provide that help. But some people you just can't help. One man called me a c**t and a t**t because I wouldn't read his book.

Joe Blogs : Leave a comment or email your story :) or visit my new site http://doarandomactofkindness.blogspot.com/

Joe Blog's Interview #79 Anonymous Lawyer

2007-02-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

Name : Anonymous Lawyer
Age : 43
Location : Los Angeles, CA
Vocation : Hiring Partner at Major Law Firm
Philosophy : You can always bill more hours.

Sum up what your blog is about.
Giving readers a chance to see what life is like inside a corporate law firm, and demonstrating how lazy my associates are.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because it's the only way I can think of to preserve the last remaining shreds of my soul.

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?
Most recently, probably this one, Wall Street Journal

What is your writing style?
As serious as I am real. How much would you sell your blog for? A few billion.

What do people commonly say about your site?
See my reviews

Why should someone visit your site?
To take a break from their 16-hour day doing document review, or to read about the life they left behind when they decided not to go to law school.

What did you learn from your first love?
That love is fleeting.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I don't have time to read blogs.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Public interest lawyers, because they're too poor to afford meals and I am generous enough to share.

What would you change, if you were President of the USA?
The child labor laws.

What one website would you recommend and why?
My law firm's site.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
One time an associate went home for lunch. (I'm laughing -- you should be too.)

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
"Fire the guy with the funny-shaped mole. He's out to get you."

Any interesting travel stories?
I don't have time to travel except on business, and those stories aren't interesting.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.
Last year's bonus.

And finally, what would you wish for with 3 wishes?
Better BlackBerry service in remote areas. And that's it -- everything else I could wish for I already have.

Your Site Address : Anonymous Lawyer & Anonymous Law Firm

Joe Blog's Interview #78 Mr Rant

2007-02-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

Name : Mr. Rant
Age : ??
Location : The most miserable place on Earth (somewhere in England)
Vocation : Moaning
Philosophy : If something is bad, I'll write about it

Sum up what your blog is about.
Ever wondered if there is a different, better world out there? Well there isn't, so let's complain about this one.

Why are you doing your blog?
There are some things in life that just have to be blogged, no matter how silly they are. This is where I come in.

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?
That would be for you to judge ;)

What is your writing style?
To the point is how I'd describe it.

How much would you sell your blog for?
Ah I could never sell it *strokes screen*

What do people commonly say about your site?
You know what, I have no idea...

Why should someone visit your site?
I like to think that to someone, somewhere, my site is entertaining

What did you learn from your first love?
What do you think inspired the site?

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
It sounds weird but I'm not much of a blog reader, more of a blogger

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Richard Branson - to discuss Virgins

What one website would you recommend and why?
Traffic Light Wars - I've honestly never seen anything like it

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
Some Americans actually think England and Britain are part of the United Kingdom

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
To start a website where you upload videos and call it YouTube

Any interesting travel stories?
Travel stories yes but they're not interesting I'm afraid

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.
This interview, I feel blessed

And finally, what would you wish for with 3 wishes?
What an awkward question erm... I'll have to wish for another question(JB : Keep on wishing!)

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
I used to wear your brand of clothing, does that make you proud?

Joe Blogs : I'm just an average Joe, I don't have a brand of clothing, so no.

Your Site Address : Mr Rant

Random Comedy Ramblings!

2007-02-13T14:47:00.000-08:00

The world has changed so much since my last post. I've done more interviews than the Spanish Inquisition. Check out my archive. Including some questions with Royalty, Hollywood, a Dot Com Mogul and a Wannabe Astronaut!

In this post I've captured the crazy happenings in the world today.

Crossing the road listening to an iPod is set to become a criminal act. Listening to James Blunt could get you a £50 fine and a date in court. Some might say that's reasonable for listening to Blunt. It's common sense that you pay attention when crossing the road. But if you don't you could be shackled and have to shuffle into a police van. At least the life sentence for the battery won't be very long at all.

Richard Branson has offered $25 million to the person who can come up with an idea to get rid of greenhouse gases from the atmosphere. Al Gore is championing the idea as well, cramped Virgin Airways seating, now theirs an inconvenient truth. Airline owners should be able to splash the cash now that they are set to charge £100 for extra bags.

Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe will receive a £20m windfall on his 18th birthday. Currently single he hopes it will give him more luck with the ladies. He certainly won't need to do any magic tricks. It must be hard for him to know which girls are just after him for his money, but at the same time fun to find out.

Soccer player Thierry Henry was warned by police for disturbing the peace at an airport the other day. The French star was talking to his dad, and a fan was tugging his arm for an autograph. Henry was on the phone to his dad in the West Indies, and told the autograph hunter this, only to be told back, "I don't care". How can the police warn someone for talking to their dad on the phone? Nowadays, everyone has camera phones and surely that's much better than a signature anyway. It's like a fan coming up to you before you say your wedding vows, sign a business contract, while your in the toilet, taking a penalty, or deciding whether to snip the blue or red wire. These are not opportune times.

Those scams keep coming thick and fast in email. They are very polite and they ask you for personal information. I've never replied to one, but I've won the lottery in about 5 different countries now. Pretty impressive considering I don't play the lottery. Unless I've got a stash of old winning tickets down the back of the sofa that I forgot about. If I have I could buy a house for £500000, gift wrap it and give it to a loved one on Valentines like, Jasin Boland did. Gift wrapping a house, that's just ridiculous, and you can never top it next Valentines. Hows Mr Boland going to feel when his valentine turns around and says I drew you a picture, but I lost my art in San Francisco. I hope the previous tenants have moved out.

Speaking of potential winners, Judi Dench nominated for an Oscar this year won't be able to make the Oscars because of a knee operation. She could also win best supporting knee. I imagine she will go to a private hospital where they specialise in treating chocolate. When her twin sister visits, they will have to care for M&M. Bond could come and visit, M likes a double agent, though in a British hospital she'd be better off with a cleaning agent. Maybe they could do a satellite broadcast from Judy's hospital bed. And at the end pull the curtains round.

With the recent outbreak of avian flu, birds have been getting a bad wrap lately. Parrots in the news recently. An African grey parrot called N'kisi, has a vocabulary of 950 words. Smarter than some kids then. Also a parrot became sick because of carbon monoxide which alerted the homeowner to the danger. Smart birds. The Dixie Chicks won 5 Grammy awards too. Maybe instead of culling turkeys, they should get a flu jab. It is winter they need to keep warm, and be given a heating allowance by the government. Gas mark 5 should do.

In the news, North Korea is to end it's nuclear programme, I never saw it was it any good? I prefer 24, or Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. It's a shame because I've never seen North Korean television. Though I heard it was explosive TV, and Sienna Miller was in it, The Factory Girl. I couldn't believe it when I saw that 6 nations had gathered round at a summit to discuss the programme. Why don't they start a book club as well?

Joe Blog's Interview #77 King Of The Blogs!

2007-02-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

Name : King Negrito
Age : unknown
Location : Paris, France
Vocation : King of the Gritos
Philosophy : there’s nothing better to do in this world than sitting during a spring day at a café terrace in Paris, and enjoying a good glass of red wine while looking at the people passing by. Happiness is in doing.

Sum up what your blog is about.
The adventures of King Negrito, a 23 cm high leather bear that lives inParis and enjoys it for what it is good: fashion, intellectuals, parties, tourists, Parisian people... Of course, Negrito also travels a lot, and brings back sights and feelings from all over the world.

Why are you doing your blog?
Because there are so many things to say about Paris, so many moments of pleasure and joy to share, so many things to be seen in the world that I cannot hold all that in my small body, so I want to share it with all my readers, and if I make them smile or bring them a sparkle of joy, then I am satisfied.

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?
Without hesitation, I guess it is one of my latest ones, a videoblog. A French singer named Renaud (very famous in France and in the UK for his song on Mss Thatcher in the 80s) has made a recent song on the Bourgeois Bohemians also known as the Bobos. But I felt the images were missing, so I went in Paris to where the bobos are and decided to put the song in images. The feedback I had was that was really great.

What is your writing style?
May I say personal? I guess I use a very simple style, very influenced also by the French language, but, what do you want, I live in Paris, mon ami!

How much would you sell your blog for?
Can someone buy or sell happiness? Most probably when you think to chateau Haut Brion or Petrus, but I fear I am not moved by money, but by the quest to find and share a real pleasure. Of course, if someone want to sponsor my travels, I can consider a partnership, with a very open mind!

What do people commonly say about your site?
That it is fun, that the pictures are incredible, that I really have a cool life, and that they would love to come with me to fashion shows, hyperestaurant, private parties or travels all over the world.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Well most probably writing a book about my life while still enjoying living it, of course.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because all of us, whoever we are, need to smile at one point in a day.

What did you learn from your first love?
How to stand up, how to walk, how to run, how to fall. And how to rise again.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Many of them, I read at least every two day the 30 blogs that are on my blogroll. They are all different, but I do love them all.

Is it hard being a puppet?
It is very easy, it facilitate life. You can enter wherever you want without any invitation, you can drink the best wines without any hangover, you can fly first class without being noticed. And girls love kissing you on the nose or placing you near their heart.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
I guess I would love to spend an evening with the Prince Talleyrand. This diplomat worked for Louis XVI, survived the French revolution, then was a French diplomat for Napoleon, Louis XVII and Louis Philippe. His culture was huge, his mind lightning flash and his personality is fascinating. There’s no chance to be bored a single second when dining with someone like that.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Wikipedia, it’s “The” vault of knowledge. You can read it like a book, moving from any subject to something totally different; it is for me the current brightest proof of the fact that working together brings more than just adding each contribution.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I d not know a lot of funny stories, sorry, but I really enjoy a quote of Woody Allen: “I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Never refuse a good glass of wine, always enjoy the company of a pretty girl, be careful launching discussions with intellectuals, when you find a scarf you like, buy a dozen because you will lose it.

Any interesting travel stories?
So many of them I have, and some are on my blog. But a small one: When in Moscow my hotel was near the Kremlin, and I decided to visit the surroundings. The door guy asked me where I was going to, and I told him I just wanted to cross the street and the garden to go to see the Red Square at night. He smiled and told me I was not going to make it. I smiled back and said I would. I went out, made three hundred meters, turned and came back, he was right I was not going to make it, it was minus 33 outside, I nearly froze in less than 2 minutes. I came back to the bar and enjoyed some vodka.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.
Having two pages talking about my blog in a super hype fashion magazine“Dealer de luxe” and being quoted in the New York Times. As said one of my readers, if journalists start to quote Teddy bears, one can wonder where the world is going….

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Do you think that, in one or two centuries some students in universities will use your blog as a reference point to understand the strange and sudden burst of diaries that happened at the beginning of the millennium?

Joe Blogs : Your royal highness, I doubt it, but it'd be nice if they did.

Your Site Address : Gritoland

Joe Blog's Interview #76 GirlPunch

2007-02-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

Name : GirlPunch

Age : 4.72 in dog years

Location : currently Baghdad Iraq, but normally Washington D.C., paradise for the bitter and lobotomized.

Vocation : I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you.

Philosophy : Don't get caught.

Sum up what your blog is about.

Mainly, its about little amusing things that I observe throughout the day or little bits of humor that float around my head put on the Internet for the entire world to find. So, basically it's like the internet equivalent of that side country road where people leave old couches and dump dead bodies.

Why are you doing your blog?

My therapist suggested I write a blog to let my inner feelings out. Just kidding, I was doing a tour in Qatar back in 2004 and was monumentally bored. So, what better way to kill boredom than to conjure up new and exciting ways to amuse people?

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?

Probably French guy stuff.

What is your writing style?

I can't come up with a witty answer for this one, so its just narrative.

What do people commonly say about your site?

It lowers their IQ.

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?

I would be a porn star, but lucky for you I do a blog.

Why should someone visit your site?

Ive been known to be funny on occasion.

What did you learn from your first love?

That If all women are like that, its gonna be a long life.

Ever punched anyone?

I used to punch a clock. does that count?

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?

Dooce, This Fish, Occasional Bitch

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?

Jesus. I have questions.

What one website would you recommend and why?

Postsecrets It'll give you a warm and fuzzy, and if it doesn't theres a good possibility that you're related to Satan.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.

I once arrested a guy named Elvis.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?

Duck.

Any interesting travel stories?

I once got drunk in Bahrain with the local cops.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.

Life. Its been an amazing ride so far.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Do you prefer Pie or Cake?

Joe Blogs : Can't beat hot apple pie and custard!

Your Site Address : Perfect Blend Of Crazy

Joe Blog's Interview #75 The Absent Canadian

2007-02-11T12:24:00.000-08:00

Name : Michael Helms (the absent.canadian)

Age : 31

Location : Raleigh, North Carolina, USA

Vocation : Business Analyst

Philosophy : Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Sum up what your blog is about.

When I started my blog, it was intended to contrast my experiences as a Canadian living in North Carolina. Blogs almost always evolve with time, and I'd like to think my blog has become a meme for my various adventures in North Carolina ... not so much as a Canadian, but rather as a traveller and student of life.

Why are you doing your blog?

Blogging is the pamphleteering of the 21st century. I see it as one of the most dynamic and engaging ways to self-publish.

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?

There's been a few hilarious ones, but the best is probably my rant about Southerners driving in the snow. I wrote it about two years ago. (despite my Canadian upbringing, I will be the first one to stay home in a snowstorm now)

What is your writing style?

I'd like to think it's humorous and witty without being slapstick or obtuse. I try to stay away from "rants" and rambling nothings, but I'm sure I've had my share of both.

How much would you sell your blog for?

It's not for sale.

What do people commonly say about your site?

You know, I really don't know. I often wonder why people come back and read it regularly (and I do seem to have a loyal following of readers); I guess something about my writing resonates with them.

What would you be doing if you were not doing your blog?

I'd still be writing copiously ... and looking for other outlets, like writing circles and such.

Why should someone visit your site?

This goes back to the earlier question about what people say about my site. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure why someone should visit - other than to say that there's some good writing there that might bring a smile to peoples' faces. I'd like to think that I write about interesting things, and may even help people learn about things they didn't know a lot about. I guess that's the best I can hope for - that people learn something new from reading my blog.

What did you learn from your first love?

How to kiss, mostly. And that I don't like riding horseback. (I'm not trying to make some weird sexual reference, either. She was an avid rider, and took me out riding once or twice. I hated it)

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?

I keep my blogroll up-to-date, and regularly read all of them. Right now my favorite is probably Old Guy's Tree House

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?

Ouch. If I'm limited to living people, it would be David Suzuki (Canadian environmentalist), Luigi Colani (German artist and designer) and Silver Donald Cameron (Canadian author). They are the first three that come to mind.

What's your dream in life?

To travel, to meet people, and to experience as many things as I possibly can.

What one website would you recommend and why?

Wikipedia. We don't think of encyclopedias as dynamic, organic entities, but that's exactly what Wikipedia is, and I think it's fantastic. Every kid should be required to create one thoughtful, well-referenced page on Wikipedia before graduating.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.

In my first year at Trent University, a fire alarm caught me in the shower ... all I had with me was my towel and my soap-on-a-rope. I wasn't allowed to return to my room, and had to go outside wearing just that - a towel and my soap.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?

If you get the urge to do something, do it. The only things you'll regret are the things you don't try.

Any interesting travel stories?

Walking around the pyramids in Egypt. Getting lost in the streets of Amsterdam. Hiking around the ruins of Helmsley Castle in England. Driving to the Northwest Territories through the wastelands of Alberta. Stopping to look at the moose on my way to Timmins, Ontario. Riding through the countryside in Cuba on a rented World War 2-era motorcycle.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?

That's easy. When I was 17 years old, I went for a motorcycle ride ... and ended up at Petroglyph Provincial Park near Peterborough, Ontario. The ancient rock carvings moved me - so much so that I decided to study anthropology in university. It was one of those pivotal moments in life that shaped almost everything in my adult life ... and I'm thankful for the experience.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Why me? I'm always curious to find out how people ended up at my site, and what compelled them to leave a comment. Do share!

Joe Blogs : Simply, it's interesting reading about people who have travelled, and you have a nice writing style and good humored posts :)

Your Site Address : Mike Helms

Joe Blog's Interview #74 Wannabe Astronaut

2007-02-10T03:24:00.000-08:00

Name : Damaris B. Sarria
Age : 25
Location : Orlando, FL.
Vocation : Engineer working on the Space Shuttle's Thermal Protection Systems at Kennedy Space Center.
Philosophy : Always try your best at all you do!

Sum up what your blog is about.
Ever since I was young I have wanted to be an astronaut. My blog is about the great things I am working on, the obstacles I encounter, and my outreach to the community as a space advocate to get others involved and support the space program.

Why are you doing your blog?
I started my blog the day I began working at Kennedy Space Center. I am very fortunate to be where I am today and have overcome many obstacles along the way. The reason I created my blog was to encourage others to continue after their dreams/goals no matter what others may think of them.

What's the funniest entry on your blog?
nothing funny.... :(

What is your writing style?
Personal, honest, and from the heart.

How much would you sell your blog for?
There is no price tag when trying to inspire others.

What do people commonly say about your site?
I have received positive feedback on the site. A comment that really touched me was this one: " As busy as you are, I very much admire the fact that you constantly give back, and strive to inspire others. Keep it up!"

Why should someone visit your site?
To see how I am involved in the Space Shuttle processing and for a little motivation...

What did you learn from your first love?
I learned to not get sidetracked from personal goals and to not let a person change who you are and what you like to do.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
If a comment is left on my blog, I'll visit that person's blog. But I usually don't have enough time to go browsing around other blogs.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Anderson Cooper. He's lived a tough life. And his way of reaching out and informing the community is by going to the source, even if it means putting his own life in danger. I really admire him for all he has done and continues to pursue.

What's the toughest part of training to be an astronaut?
Once an astronaut is selected, I personally would think the toughest part of their training would be the survival training.

What one website would you recommend and why?
Space Flight Now When mission time comes around, that website is updated by the minute! It's amazing!

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
don't have one.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
ENJOY COLLEGE. I was too involved in college with organizations, sports, working full time, and keeping up with classes.

Any interesting travel stories?
I have been to Hawaii a couple of times. The view was breathtaking. The weather was GREAT! It really was paradise.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you.
Flying in the 'Vomit Comet'!!! I did some microgravity research in college and conducted the experiment in the plane (KC-135) that did parabolic flight maneuvers to create a weightlessness environment in the cabin.

What would you wish for with 3 wishes?
1.To be an astronaut
2.That the boat fishing child slavery in Ghana, Africa ends.
3.For our younger generation to not be so hollywood-influenced.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

What are your three wishes?

Joe Blogs : Peace On Earth. End Of Poverty. Happy Shiny People.

Your Site Address :How I Am Becoming An Astronaut