Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Joe Blog's Guide To America #2

President Bush is possibly a dyslexic, atheist, agnostic, he lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Donald Rumsfeld has resigned as US Secretary Of Defense after the election result. He maybe has mural dyslexia, he couldn't see the writing on the wall. He was a Neo-Conservative. Maybe there's a part for him in The Matrix 4, as Neo. Or he could go and sell neopolitan ice creams. Or work for Domineo Pizza, your pizzas within 45 minutes, or a free Iraq. Maybe he could work as a Hawk Eye at Wimbledon Tennis Championships, watching the lines. Love does mean nothing to him as well I'd assume.

Arnold Szwarzenegger has been re-elected as Governor Of California, lets hope the voters don't get a raw deal. Imagine being on a conference call with Arnie, 'there will be no compromise', you can imagine him with a machine gun in hand. If Arnie can become Governor, then maybe David Beckham could become Prime Minister. His policies would be on the far right, Beckham does speak a little Spanish now, so does that make him bilingual illiterate?

The death penalty is legal in some states. Reminds me of a a story I heard about a ticket inspector on the buses. He let people on the bus too late, and they fell off the bus and died. He was put in the electric chair, but he wouldn't die, because he was a bad conductor.

Tom Cruise, real surname, Mapother, has ancestry that goes back to Wales, a recent report states. Cruise's great-great grandfather, Dylan Henry Mapother, emigrated from Wales to Louisville Kentucky in 1850 when he was 16. So the worlds biggest movie star is part Welshman. Explains the teeth he used to have.

Canada is a rooftop over a great party. The USA.

American hip hop group, G-Unit, had problems getting on a bus the other day, because they didn't have 50 cent.

People drive sports utility vehicles, when their knees buckle, but their seat belt won't. Kids can drive from 15. As Borat might say, that's like giving a monkey, a gun.

Americans wear sleeveless shirts, because they have the right to bear arms.

Well that wraps up part 2, of my guide to America, I'm off to play cricket.