Name : JonnyBAge : Under 40
Location : Norfolk, UK
Vocation : Ummmm... well I just sort of f**k about a bit, doing little bits of work and looking after a Baby.
Philosophy : I try to get through each day without causing a single death.
Sum up what your blog is about.
Through the life of a small Norfolk village we learn universal truths about mankind.
Why are you doing your blog?
It's 'what I do' now. I'm not sure how I got myself into this state. Originally it was a way to get in front of an audience. Now I'm pathetically desperate that the audience doesn't leave the auditorium. I've sealed the exits, and am nailing bits of wood across them at odd angles.
What's the funniest entry on your site?
This one, click here, sort of sums everything up about my life that you will ever need to know. I like it.
What is your writing style?
"A cross between Henry Root and Mr Pooter" - the Independent on Sunday. Not sure about the Henry Root bit. There is probably a bit of Molesworth in there, and stuff from other English comedic people. People like the Goodies, Stewart Lee and Richard Herring have always been influences - you can be childish and intelligent at the same time and that appeals to me. Richard Herring has a great blog.
What do people commonly say about your site?
I haven't a clue. I only know the bits they say to my face. Someone called it 'shallow' once, which I understood - it's about little tiny things and has jokes, rather than developing deep explorations of the human condition. People seem to find it funny, which is wonderful and great.
What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I'd probably be doing more stuff that, like, paid money.
Why should someone visit your site?
I'd hate for them to feel left out. Boom boom.
What did you learn from your first love?
It's better to open your mouth when you kiss. Or at the very least have the same sort of technique as the other party. If neither of you likes opening your mouth then that's fine.
Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Lots of them!!! If you want 'funny ones', Little Red Boat, and Non-workingmonkey are terrific writers. And Smaller than Life is brilliant - by a genuine comedy writer at the top of his game. And a mate. But I'd recommend him anyway. Honest.
If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Probably the characters from the pre-school cartoon 'Maisie'. They just all seem so good-natured and helpful, especially the crocodile, whose name is Charlie. And Nelson Mandela.
What one website would you recommend and why?
I am buying loads of things off the ebay recently. It is great!!! Call me an early-adopter if you will, but it will be massive.
Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I just went over the road because the burglar alarm was going off. I thought I might confront some burglars on behalf of my neighbours. But there was just a confused cleaning lady.
What's the best and worst aspects of the Norfolk village?
The best is the short walk to the Village Pub under totally dark starry skies. Dark is brilliant. The worst is the 30-mile round trip for a curry. If any Bangladeshi restauranteurs are reading this and thinking of expanding the business, please get in touch. NB no neon signs please (see previous 'dark' comment).
Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
I once had to stay late in the office to let in Jerry Dammers from the Specials - this was years ago. He wanted to use an Apple Mac, and I'd offered to help via a friend of a friend. I'm always rubbish in the presence of celebrities and was a bit star struck as I let him in and showed him how to use the computer. I really didn't know what to do at that point - I had to stay there like a lemon whilst he worked. I found myself being all 'forced casual', and actually started whistling nonchalantly. He was looking at me really oddly. It was ages before I realised that my nonchalant whistling was actually 'Ghost Town'. That story probably only makes sense if you are a Specials fan.
What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Probably get everything that you ever ever ever want to do in your life out of the way before you have a baby to look after.
Any interesting travel stories?
I went into Fakenham the other day. There is an Argos there now!!! It's exciting.
What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
There have been a million incredible things. I have been very lucky on the incredible thing front. I can't think of one particularly incredible thing to pick from the mountains of incredible things. Through a combination of them I have met some interesting people and done some interesting work and I didn't end up stacking shelves in Somerfield. That's pretty incredible. And we won the bowls league last year, and I got a trophy. Me!!! A trophy!!!
Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
I really struggle at the difference between 'practice' and 'practise'. I know all the theory, but I have this complete blind spot. Anything you can do to help?
Joe Blogs : I can't help you. One is spelt correctly, the other is not. If you have a blind spot, practice makes perfect. Well that is the theory. By the way Jonny, be good!
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