Thursday, December 07, 2006

Joe Blog's Horoscopes 2007

Aries - Your light headed, floaty manner will get you into heaps of trouble. Words said at a birthday/xmas/bhamitzvah/wedding reception/leaving party/christening/, (one of these will apply) crowded party, could lead to a blossoming relationship. Of some sort. Surely. Or not. Maybe.

Taurus - Being pig headed will mean you feature at a large banquet with the Queen, albeit with a large cooking apple in your mouth.

Gemini - Your selfish nature will mean you forget your twins birthday.

Cancer - This year you will really live up to your name. Plenty of room for growth.

Leo - You will find that the first part of the year will be a springboard for greater things. In the second part of the year you will realise the Olympics have passed you by..

Virgo - This year you decide to paint the town red, you then discover you need planning permission, and go to hybernate in Loch Ness for the winter months.

Libra - Being a Libra, or librarian as it is also known. You decide to read up on some books and educate yourself about the ramifications, of Bush being in Iraq, Noddy in Toyland and Alice In Wonderland. Thought to ponder ‘Is Bambi, collateral damage?’

Scorpio - You find time for yourself and go on a voyage of self discovery. Or in other words you buy a Casio watch, and veg out watching the History Channel.

Sagittarius – You decide your star sign name is too long and shorten it to Saggy. You find as a new year begins, that you seem to be the only one who has turned over a new leaf. Apart from the Canadian Maple Leaf, which has been turned over and munched by some red ants.

Capricorn - While sharing the features of a unicorn driving a Ford Capri eating sweetcorns, with a leprechaun in the passenger seat, you decide you’d rather forage for acorns with squirrels.

Aquarius - You steer clear of Capricorns this year. While tough financially this year, balancing the books could see you having a successful career in the circus.

Pisces - Fish will play an important part in your diet. Travel will see you gain an insight into tropical diseases.