Saturday, October 28, 2006

Random Facts #4

This word means to watch people eat, in the hope they will offer you some. Now I know dogs do this all the time, but do humans do this aswell, I suspect they do.

Only 2 people on Earth know the secret recipe. Ones called Coca and the other Cola. I wonder if these two people know each other and they meet up to talk. Or the secret is so tightly held, its like The Da Vinci Code, with Doctor Robert Langford, except the secrets held by Doctor Pepper.

Coca-Cola was also originally green!

It takes 50 hours for a snake to digest a frog. Whats the matter you got a frog in your throat? You sound a bit croaky!

God was obviously right to warn Adam off apples, the actual pips contain cyonide!

Clever people have more zinc and copper in their hair. I always thought that was dandruff...

Joe Blogs View On The World #1

The world is flat, right?

Naomi Campbell, accused of assault by her drugs counsellor this week, not the first time she has had the finger pointed at her. You'd think she would prefer to concentrate on cat walks rather than cat fights. She is not exactly showing model behaviour. The Pussycat Dolls, sing 'I Don't Need A Man To Make It Happen', just someone to pay the bills, and give directions then.

English soccer player, Jermain Defoe, took a bite out of his opponents shoulder. You'd think these sportsmen were well paid and fed enough. He should meet up with Mike Tyson they'd get on great. Theyd make good friends. Jermain could lend him an ear, and Mike could give him a shoulder, to cry on, or ...

Bush and Blair talked about standing shoulder to shoulder. Bush has come out saying the USA doesn't condone torture, which is good. He has also come out saying he sometimes uses 'the Google'. He has used the Google map to look at his ranch in Texas he says, probably also local Krispy Kreme Donuts, Alcoholics Anonymous meetings,North Korea, etc. Good to know hes so advanced hes keeping an eye on things with 'the Google'. The tragic current California Bush Fires, I guess thats one thing we can't balme him for. Al Gore has a new film out, 'An Inconvenient Truth', a documentary about Global warming. They should have teamed up and you would have had a Tarantino style film, Bush and Gore.

Blair was at a ceremony with English soccer's, Alan Shearer, to announce a large donation to charity. Tony, himself a Newcastle football fan paid tribute to Shearer putting something back into the community. Comparatively, Shearer has an enviable political record. More popular, more caps, although he has spent less time on the bench than Blair.

South Park have taken the decision to lampoon Steve Irwins death, in an upcoming sketch, that also features Hitler and Princess Diana. There would have been an outrage if they had done a sketch on Diana straight after her death.

Madonna has adopted a child from Malawi. And theres a big hoo ha about this. That kid is definately going to be provided for in a material sense, and you would hope a caring way too. Although the fathers admission that he didnt know he was giving up his child for good is telling. Madonna might say to him Papa Dont Preach, where as he would say I'm Top Of The Pops. Maybe when the kid starts asking questions about the birds and the bees, Guy Ritchie can say to him, "Son watch this, it's called Snatch".

So the urban sport, Parkour has taken off in a big way featuring in films like District 13, and the upcoming Casino Royale. It is also being invested in by local government as a new youth activity. It involves jumping off, on, and from buildings, and walls. It is very impressive to watch. It makes a change from parents climbing up the walls in frustration at their teenagers.

Are you aware of the English actor, Warwick Davis? He's the midget who played R2D2, Yoda, and others in star wars, Professor Filius Flitwick in Harry Potter and starred in the film Willow with Val Kilmer. He was interviewed and apparantly is good friends with Verne Troyer, 'Mini Me', who at 2'8 is smaller than him. Warwick has a great career record, but might be fed up with getting the small roles. Its good that the small people hang out, going to bars must be a struggle, maybe they hang out in Kuala Lumpa, why, you ask, home of the Oooompa Loompas of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory fame, of course. I like the film Bad Santa featuring Billy Bob Thornton aswell, very funny. Good use of midgets. Thinking of the shorter actors out there Bob Hoskins, Danny DeVito, they haven't done too badly. And after Nicole Kidman left Tom Cruise, she said she can now wear high heels. Oh and shout during labour.

Elizabeth Taylor has come out and denied she will be getting married for a nineth time, and also reports that she has alzheimers. Although they do say it is good, because you get to meet new people every day. Getting married so many times, what is that all about, not many get married nowadays, it's so out of fashion. It's like you can make a mistake once or twice, but eight times! Elizabeth is due to be seen in cinemas next in The Ring 9, sponsored by Cleopatra cat food.

A report says lack of sleep means women are the grumpier sex. But it seems the cause is down to their partners snoring. I'm sure this discovery ranks alongside Steven Hawkins, A History Of Time, or Darwins theory on evolution.

For now, Blogging off, kind regards, Mr Joe Blogs

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

New Talent : Otilius, New York's Finest Photoblogger!

The Empire State Building in all its glory.
This is what happens when you ban
smoking in restaurants!

Otilius taking David Blaines Picture! Underwater for so long, what endurance, he can't even read Joe Blogs Blog there!

This could be Woody Allens Happy Home!
Death by snowball fight!
Thanks to Mr Frederick Otilius for supplying these great Pictures from his blog, New York Nitty-Gritty.
Check out his blog for more great photos from New York, updated daily.
Ive been to New York once, and I drew some pictures while in San Francisco. Yes, unfortunately I lost my 'art in San Francisco. Last girlfriend I had was from the States aswell, called her Tennessee, because she was the only 10 I see.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Random Facts #3

Somniosus Microcephalus
Have you heard of an Icelandic dish, the Greenland shark, Somniosus microcephalus(I dont expect many people google that!). It is poisonous if you eat it straight away, its flesh stops the sharks blood freezing, but would kill your brain. The way they prepare it, and I hope your listening Gordon Ramsey, is by burying it for months, then putting it out to dry. It is then so disgusting and pungent, but the toxins will be gone and you can tuck in. Do you want fries with that?

Boogey Man

The Boogey people live in Indonesia, and are known pirates. So the Boogey man does exist and hes coming to get you!

Longest sentence in the English Dictionary

"I do". Just ask Paul McCartney.

Cosmic Rays

Apparantly astronauts to the moon have reported seeing strange flashes of light, and they are not the paparazi. Travelling at almost the speed of light, they experience whats called Cherenkov light. Its basically mega speedy atomic particles smashing through the fluid in your eyes, its a blue light. That is mega cool, closest we get to cosmic radiation, is mobiles next to our ears or the microwave.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Random Facts #2

Andy Garcia has a Siamese twin.
Well yes this is actually quite shocking, in fact im beside myself.

A crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth
Well I didnt know that before, i guess they hide their medication above the tongue then. Wouldnt like to be the doctor who says 'open wide'.

The longest Monopoly game in a bath was 99 hours

Now I know its a long game but thats just ridiculous. How can you spend that long in the bath. Must have come out looking like a prune. Wouldnt have wanted to be the one waiting for the bathroom either.

A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesnt bring her coffee

Correct me if im wrong but i read this as a fact. Seems like a frivolous reason to grant a divorce. I suppose its a common courtesy you might expect in a marriage but grounds for a divorce, im not sure. Heather Mills does like her Star Bucks though, AKA Paul McCartney.

People in Iceland read more books per capita than any other people in the world

Wouldnt be the first country youd think of when asked which country. The well read Icelandic people must like there literature, the Iceman readeth.

A Sultans wife is called a Sultana

I need not comment ;)

4000 people are injured by teapots every year

Ok now thats just bizaare. Ok you spill some hot water. Im guessing most of these injuries were water related. Otherwise what else could you do, poke yourself in the eye with the spout?

There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling Casinos

Doesnt surprise me. Time is money.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Random Silliness, Paul Robinson Goalkeeping

Sometimes making a post is too easy. Thanks Paul!. How much money is he on a week? Notice the Borat film posters on the ad boards its like hes cursed the goalkeeper.

"You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong." Warren Buffet

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Random Facts #1

Random Facts

It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population is drunk.

Surely, this is more of a guesstimate than an estimate. Explains all the people Ive met who slur their words, stumble, go red faced, and thats just in church.

In New York City, approximately 1,600 people are bitten by other humans every year.

I know this city is called the big apple but seriously. Taking bites out of each other, inviting friends for dinner, thats not on! I invited a friend for dinner, she was late so I gave her the cold shoulder. Thinking about it maybe these 2 random facts are linked somehow!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Random Quote #3

Random Quote
Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
Victoria Wood
A Perfectly Good Random Quote Ruined By Analysis
Jogging is for people sensible enough, to not pay a gym fee to run on a running machine. When have you ever needed to be intelligent to watch TV. Tellytubbies, anyone? Jogging does seem to be a bit out of fashion, but if you have a personal trainer that is a different story. Someone to tell you when to run, jump, or skip, to keep you motivated. If I had Kelly Brook as my personal trainer it would certainly make me run faster.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Hilarious Jim Carrey On Chat Show

Here is Jim Carrey on the Jonathon Ross Chat Show at his funniest, singing Wild Thing. Enjoy.

Random Quote #2

Random Quote
I have always hated that damn James Bond. I'd like to kill him.
Sean Connery
A Perfectly Good Random Quote Ruined By Analysis
Surely Sir Sean should be more respectful of the character that has bought him fame and credibility. Were it not for that role Sean could still be a milkman. Serving pints, and offering your money or your loaf. I hear the roles have dried up a bit for Sir Sean, his agent called him and said youve got a part, tomorrow around 10. Sean said 'tennish, I don't even own a racquet!'.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Veils, Crocodiles, And Random Quote #1

Winters here in England. Everyone has a cold. Even Jude Law in Cold Mountain. Talking of dirty rags, haven't seen anything of him and Sienna Miller in the tabloids recently. Jack Straw made a veiled attack on the female Muslim dress code this week. British Ministers are hardly paragons of virtue when it comes to giving suggestions on dress sense. Think trousers above the waist ala Simon Cowell. Elbow pads. Ties that would be better used as alternative distress flares. Oh yes, flares, trouser legs that go just above the ankle and display a multitude of sockly sins. Such as black trousers, and white socks. And then you have this new fad, wearing a shirt with no tie, like they just walked off the set of Oceans 11.

In tennis, Roger Federer beat Tim Henman, in his first final of the year this week in Japan. Tim is like a whipping boy who just keeps coming back for more, maybe he should go see the more shady ministers of the British government. F1 driver Schumacher has lost his grip on the championship with Fabio Alonso winning, he should have got advice from Tony Blair before announcing early retirement.

UK prison space is in crisis apparently. We need more cages, millet, cuttle fish, and swings. Maybe we could also let them out to fly, Business class to the Bahamas perhaps. In Australia they have enrolled inmates on crocodile handling courses, as a way of rehabilitating inmates. Now we know where those crocodile handbags and shoes are coming from, a croc farm in Australia. They had just gotten over Roger Moore jumping on them in that Bond film. So now they've got more problems with people who are no longer Saints. Maybe the crocs should get rehabilitation while being held down on a couch. Would say retail therapy, but those croc leather wallets aren't going to help.

Ive come into an unexpected windfall, Ive realised I have more wealth than half the world could want. I entered my earnings into the Global Rich List generator and I'm the 642,565,306richest person in the world! Makes you take stock and realise you are maybe better off than you thought. I'm in in the TOP 10.7% of the richest people in the world! I found this on Also works as a chat up line for the less mathematically minded chick :)

Russia's population is decreasing according to a report. Life expectancy for men is expected to be late 50's. Its odd how for oil rich countries life is not so slick. Still Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova are serving the country well.

Grizzly Man, a documentary film on Alaskan Bears shows Timothy Treadwell close up with them as he lived for several summers. Until he met a grizzly end, after all those years he must have finally taken their porridge.

The Departed is a film I recommend, a fine addition to add to Martin Scorsese's collection. I wonder if he has a shelf with his favourite DVDs on. He probably uses Oscars as door stops. I would have loved to have gone to The Departed wrap party, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, fair to say to your loved one, ill be home late. In fact Id like to see the sequel, The Arrival, where they get scolded by their wives.

Random Quote
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
Perfectly Good Quote Ruined By Analysis
Paper cuts are the worst. Harrison Ford survived that fall into the sewer in the movie The Fugitive, though he'd probably had a Yorkie bar. Mel is right that falling is funny though, and into a sewer is comedy gold.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

New Talent : StiK The Cartoonist

I have decided to share my blog space with some of the exceptional comedy talent, that is out there on the net. This is an open forum and I will consider offers to showcase anyones work on my blog.
This week I have come across Stik The Cartoonist whose animations make me smile.
On his site he has funny animations that we can all appreciate, young or old. This is artistic genius. Original. This guy should be making animations for Disney. So check out this video, for your viewing pleasure.

Here are some Random film reviews

Having seen Psycho I thought I had seen Hitchcock's best film. This film compares favourably. Vertigo has a great cast, Jimmy Stewart, and Kim Novak. Set in San Francisco with beautiful scenery, a plot unravels where you will be drawn in, and hooked to the conclusion. This is a suspenseful film from beginning to end.

This is beautifully filmed, from the camera work, to the use of colour, and the film score adds greatly to the drama. This is a thrilling and clever film. The characters are whole and interesting, and Stewarts performance is compelling, and really marks him as one of the great actors. Kim Novak puts in a performance that is one of the best leads I've seen by a female actress.

All round this is a wonderful, delightful film, with a in depth look at the human psyche, that has a strong resonance.

Doesn't get a 10 because, i'm a film buff and very stingy.

This is a film similar in tone to Seven. A plot unravels, whereby two men and the only name in this film Danny Glover, come to grips with an evil psychotic hidden mastermind.

The people in this film are faced with dilemmas and challenges so gory and unthinkable. What would you do, if your families life was on the line and you had to take another life, this is the evil game the villain plays with his victims. In turn scary, gory, and emotionally unhinged characters. The actors pull it off.

It is one of the best, most gruesome horror films I have seen, though Audition is fairly brutal. The interplay between all the different characters is good, and you are always wondering who the bad guy is, which I won't reveal here.

So if your not squeamish, enjoy a thriller and love twists you'll like this.

Night Of The Living Dead
I had some anticipation that this might be a good horror zombie film. All that was evaporated, within the opening sequence, hackneyed, unrealistic characters, but not particularly funny characters. The zombies are not scary.
Mostly this is a cheaply made film. Zombies are normally shown on camera at night time or at a distance whereby you don't see any detail. It could be you or I just ambling about. A couple of bits where zombies pop up, OK maybe make you jump but this is a frustrating to watch film. First the zombies move so slow you could run by them easily, the acting is over the top and not funny. It is a ridiculous film.
Beware this film is not so awful that its good, its just awful.