Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Random Comedy Ramblings!

The world has changed so much since my last post. I've done more interviews than the Spanish Inquisition. Check out my archive. Including some questions with Royalty, Hollywood, a Dot Com Mogul and a Wannabe Astronaut!

In this post I've captured the crazy happenings in the world today.

Crossing the road listening to an iPod is set to become a criminal act. Listening to James Blunt could get you a £50 fine and a date in court. Some might say that's reasonable for listening to Blunt. It's common sense that you pay attention when crossing the road. But if you don't you could be shackled and have to shuffle into a police van. At least the life sentence for the battery won't be very long at all.

Richard Branson has offered $25 million to the person who can come up with an idea to get rid of greenhouse gases from the atmosphere. Al Gore is championing the idea as well, cramped Virgin Airways seating, now theirs an inconvenient truth. Airline owners should be able to splash the cash now that they are set to charge £100 for extra bags.

Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe will receive a £20m windfall on his 18th birthday. Currently single he hopes it will give him more luck with the ladies. He certainly won't need to do any magic tricks. It must be hard for him to know which girls are just after him for his money, but at the same time fun to find out.

Soccer player Thierry Henry was warned by police for disturbing the peace at an airport the other day. The French star was talking to his dad, and a fan was tugging his arm for an autograph. Henry was on the phone to his dad in the West Indies, and told the autograph hunter this, only to be told back, "I don't care". How can the police warn someone for talking to their dad on the phone? Nowadays, everyone has camera phones and surely that's much better than a signature anyway. It's like a fan coming up to you before you say your wedding vows, sign a business contract, while your in the toilet, taking a penalty, or deciding whether to snip the blue or red wire. These are not opportune times.

Those scams keep coming thick and fast in email. They are very polite and they ask you for personal information. I've never replied to one, but I've won the lottery in about 5 different countries now. Pretty impressive considering I don't play the lottery. Unless I've got a stash of old winning tickets down the back of the sofa that I forgot about. If I have I could buy a house for £500000, gift wrap it and give it to a loved one on Valentines like, Jasin Boland did. Gift wrapping a house, that's just ridiculous, and you can never top it next Valentines. Hows Mr Boland going to feel when his valentine turns around and says I drew you a picture, but I lost my art in San Francisco. I hope the previous tenants have moved out.

Speaking of potential winners, Judi Dench nominated for an Oscar this year won't be able to make the Oscars because of a knee operation. She could also win best supporting knee. I imagine she will go to a private hospital where they specialise in treating chocolate. When her twin sister visits, they will have to care for M&M. Bond could come and visit, M likes a double agent, though in a British hospital she'd be better off with a cleaning agent. Maybe they could do a satellite broadcast from Judy's hospital bed. And at the end pull the curtains round.

With the recent outbreak of avian flu, birds have been getting a bad wrap lately. Parrots in the news recently. An African grey parrot called N'kisi, has a vocabulary of 950 words. Smarter than some kids then. Also a parrot became sick because of carbon monoxide which alerted the homeowner to the danger. Smart birds. The Dixie Chicks won 5 Grammy awards too. Maybe instead of culling turkeys, they should get a flu jab. It is winter they need to keep warm, and be given a heating allowance by the government. Gas mark 5 should do.

In the news, North Korea is to end it's nuclear programme, I never saw it was it any good? I prefer 24, or Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. It's a shame because I've never seen North Korean television. Though I heard it was explosive TV, and Sienna Miller was in it, The Factory Girl. I couldn't believe it when I saw that 6 nations had gathered round at a summit to discuss the programme. Why don't they start a book club as well?