Monday, November 12, 2007

New Season of Joe Blogs Blog!

Hi readers, welcome back for Season 2. Unattended blogs are like over run gardens, the weeds take over, well i'm back with more explosive material than a Chinese factory making Mattel toys. I should work for Royal Mail our beleagured national postal system, no post since August 14.

I wanted to end it but Kathy Bates reprised her role from Misery, told me she was my number 1 fan, hobbled me and is making me type this post in a remote outhouse. I almost escaped but she found out I had been out of my locked room, she noticed her favourite ‘rabbit’ wasn’t facing due south.. I would like to smash her round the head with my monitor but she reads this..

King Tutenkhamuns body was shown for all to see recently. He died at the age of 19 and his buck teeth are still evident. Shame there were no good dentists in those days. They bought him back out for Halloween. I might add Tutenkhamun to my Facebook, though if I poke him he might break. He'll be lucky if anyone adds him with that face.

F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton has left Britain for Switzerland siting wanting to live a normal live as the main reason, tax is not an issue I suppose. Though its fitting he goes to Geneva as the convention was set up to help the human rights of millionaire playboys.

Britney Spears was left in tears after a custody meeting, she then had sex with a magician who made her tears disappear.

Some strange laws I came across :
It is illegal for London taxis to carry rabid dogs or corpses, that excludes Britney Spears on a night out.

It is illegal to die in the Houses Of Parliament. How can that be? I'm presuming you wouldn't have much choice in the matter. It is fine to tell lies and make broken promises though. Dieing politically is another story.

It is treason to place a British postage stamp with the Queens head upside down. But its fine for Prince Harry to snort Vodka.

In France you cannot call a pig Napoleon. Or presumably a frog.

In other news, a 13 year old Illinois school girl got detention for hugging two friends. What kind of puritanical place is America. Maybe they preach about God versus Huggy Bear nowadays. They are certainly putting the squeeze on student displays of affection.

Heather Mills-McCartney complains the media victimize her. I can't explain it, I just can't help it, if Paul McCartney was a real beetle she would have been done for animal cruelty, whats shes put him through. All for a bit of beetle juice. He should have realised on the night before his wedding, she will step on a stag beetle.

So Kiefer Sutherland is going to serve time for DUI. Wonder if he ever acts under the influence, from his father.

New Films
In Saw IV the Jigsaw killer lives on. Incredibly before dying he tape recorded various new games for future victims. This guy should work for the Olympic planning committee. If Jigsaw man did Sat Nav, “Joe, I want to play a game, do as I say and you will increase your chance of surviving, now turn left…”

Anyone see Hostel 2? I can’t believe that hostel is still in business. You never get your passport back, you get drugged then tortured and killed. I wonder what star rating they get. I’d prefer to stay at Fawlty Towers.

Tourism can’t have been helped in Alaska this winter with the film 30 Days Of Night. The title is a give away but the film also features supernatural flesh eating zombies. Come to Alaska for the cold winter bite.