Have I Got News For You

The sailors held captive in Iran. What an experience, you don’t know what will be happen to you or what will be done. A foreign language, culture and food. Missing family and friends. Is it just me or do some of those sailors have careers in weather presenting. The one female sailor seemed to be the focus of attention, wearing a scarf she wouldn’t normally wear. The sailors wardrobe seemed to be taken out of Miami Vice.

Italian police battered Man Utd fans in a recent game against Roma. It was more like The Colosseum, and Gladiator. Man Utd Captain Gary Neville might have said,
“Leader of the team from up north, father to a hot cross bun, I will have my vengeance in the first half or the next”

Talking CCTV cameras are being piloted to stop antisocial behaviour and crime on the street. “you there stop smashing the car window and step away, now this time put more swing into it, otherwise this’ll never make ‘The World’s Wildest Police Videos’”. Obviously the best people to do the job would be Hollywood directors. It would go to court and judge would give deliverance, “I find you guilty of the directors cut”.

Halle Berry has a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, since her career sunk with Catwoman, she must be used to people walking all over her.

Christopher Reeves costume from Superman is set to be put up for auction, Tim Allen’s costume from Home Improvement is also set to go under the hammer.

The cost of making a call in a UK hospital has gone up 160%. Must be a swanky phone. Maybe they will start supplying chocolate mints under feather pillows in four poster beds. Or maybe not.

Gordon Brown’s tax raid on pensions has put old people in the red or is that brown, nothing unusual about that.

US comedian Eddie Griffin crashed a Ferrari Enzo into a concrete barrier. Sounds more like Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

Millions of customers credit card details and pins, have been stolen from cut price store TK Maxx. The computer files were swiped away. More worryingly my sewing kit has been stolen, I get pins and needles thinking about it.

Hitler was almost referred to Sigmund Freud’s couch as a child. Imagine the difference to the world that could have made. Hitler could have worked in a furniture shop, Anne Frank could have had a show room.

Newt Gingrich is reported to be starring in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Kim Jong Il has reportedly eaten a rabbit that won a prize as Germany’s largest. Sent over to North Korea as a breeding rabbit, and weighing as much as a small dog. Seems like Kim Jong will be more concerned with a rabbit fence than nuclear defense.

Glasgow is the UK's phone theft capital, now we know what they keep under their kilts.

And finally, Martin Sheen has been arrested 65 times in 20 years, for protests, so more C-Wing than West Wing.