The idea of this series is to show the rubbish that gets sent too my email account daily. And thats it really. Hopefully some comment and humour can be derived from it.
#1 A Friend In Need?
Dear Friend,
I am wife of sacked deputy president of south africa, jacob zuma. It is out of desperation that i am sending you this mail. my husband and i need your help in fronting for us as owner of funds that are his which might come under investigation soon if the fund's ownership is not changed soonest. as my husband's finances are increasingly becoming the source of investigation by our distractors. the source of these funds which my husband's earnings would not validate, will further sink him into the cesspool dug by our enemies.
It is because of the dire strait we find ourselves that we resolved to reach you and ask for your assistance in this matter. we are averse to letting those we know here into this deal because we are no longer sure of who our friends are. you will be rewarded if you choose to help us in partnership in this deal. I will be expecting to hear from you via my personal email account(mrszumal@yahoo.es) and will disclose further detail to you upon your response. do well not to disclose the content of this mail to anyone.
Best Regards,
Lindiwe Zuma
Comment : The wife of the sacked deputy president of South Africa, I didnt know I had friends in such high places. Jacob Zuma is the current president of the governing party ANC. He admits to being a polygamist and has been married 4 times. Though I cant see Lindiwe listed anywhere as his wife.
He is being investigated by the National Prosecuting Authority for corruption surrounding an arms deal, including tax evasion, money laundering, and racketeering. And Lindiwe wants me to front ownership of his funds. Well I won't be emailing her just yet...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, November 12, 2007
New Season of Joe Blogs Blog!
Hi readers, welcome back for Season 2. Unattended blogs are like over run gardens, the weeds take over, well i'm back with more explosive material than a Chinese factory making Mattel toys. I should work for Royal Mail our beleagured national postal system, no post since August 14.
I wanted to end it but Kathy Bates reprised her role from Misery, told me she was my number 1 fan, hobbled me and is making me type this post in a remote outhouse. I almost escaped but she found out I had been out of my locked room, she noticed her favourite ‘rabbit’ wasn’t facing due south.. I would like to smash her round the head with my monitor but she reads this..
King Tutenkhamuns body was shown for all to see recently. He died at the age of 19 and his buck teeth are still evident. Shame there were no good dentists in those days. They bought him back out for Halloween. I might add Tutenkhamun to my Facebook, though if I poke him he might break. He'll be lucky if anyone adds him with that face.
F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton has left Britain for Switzerland siting wanting to live a normal live as the main reason, tax is not an issue I suppose. Though its fitting he goes to Geneva as the convention was set up to help the human rights of millionaire playboys.
Britney Spears was left in tears after a custody meeting, she then had sex with a magician who made her tears disappear.
Some strange laws I came across :
It is illegal for London taxis to carry rabid dogs or corpses, that excludes Britney Spears on a night out.
It is illegal to die in the Houses Of Parliament. How can that be? I'm presuming you wouldn't have much choice in the matter. It is fine to tell lies and make broken promises though. Dieing politically is another story.
It is treason to place a British postage stamp with the Queens head upside down. But its fine for Prince Harry to snort Vodka.
In France you cannot call a pig Napoleon. Or presumably a frog.
In other news, a 13 year old Illinois school girl got detention for hugging two friends. What kind of puritanical place is America. Maybe they preach about God versus Huggy Bear nowadays. They are certainly putting the squeeze on student displays of affection.
Heather Mills-McCartney complains the media victimize her. I can't explain it, I just can't help it, if Paul McCartney was a real beetle she would have been done for animal cruelty, whats shes put him through. All for a bit of beetle juice. He should have realised on the night before his wedding, she will step on a stag beetle.
So Kiefer Sutherland is going to serve time for DUI. Wonder if he ever acts under the influence, from his father.
New Films
In Saw IV the Jigsaw killer lives on. Incredibly before dying he tape recorded various new games for future victims. This guy should work for the Olympic planning committee. If Jigsaw man did Sat Nav, “Joe, I want to play a game, do as I say and you will increase your chance of surviving, now turn left…”
Anyone see Hostel 2? I can’t believe that hostel is still in business. You never get your passport back, you get drugged then tortured and killed. I wonder what star rating they get. I’d prefer to stay at Fawlty Towers.
Tourism can’t have been helped in Alaska this winter with the film 30 Days Of Night. The title is a give away but the film also features supernatural flesh eating zombies. Come to Alaska for the cold winter bite.
I wanted to end it but Kathy Bates reprised her role from Misery, told me she was my number 1 fan, hobbled me and is making me type this post in a remote outhouse. I almost escaped but she found out I had been out of my locked room, she noticed her favourite ‘rabbit’ wasn’t facing due south.. I would like to smash her round the head with my monitor but she reads this..
King Tutenkhamuns body was shown for all to see recently. He died at the age of 19 and his buck teeth are still evident. Shame there were no good dentists in those days. They bought him back out for Halloween. I might add Tutenkhamun to my Facebook, though if I poke him he might break. He'll be lucky if anyone adds him with that face.
F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton has left Britain for Switzerland siting wanting to live a normal live as the main reason, tax is not an issue I suppose. Though its fitting he goes to Geneva as the convention was set up to help the human rights of millionaire playboys.
Britney Spears was left in tears after a custody meeting, she then had sex with a magician who made her tears disappear.
Some strange laws I came across :
It is illegal for London taxis to carry rabid dogs or corpses, that excludes Britney Spears on a night out.
It is illegal to die in the Houses Of Parliament. How can that be? I'm presuming you wouldn't have much choice in the matter. It is fine to tell lies and make broken promises though. Dieing politically is another story.
It is treason to place a British postage stamp with the Queens head upside down. But its fine for Prince Harry to snort Vodka.
In France you cannot call a pig Napoleon. Or presumably a frog.
In other news, a 13 year old Illinois school girl got detention for hugging two friends. What kind of puritanical place is America. Maybe they preach about God versus Huggy Bear nowadays. They are certainly putting the squeeze on student displays of affection.
Heather Mills-McCartney complains the media victimize her. I can't explain it, I just can't help it, if Paul McCartney was a real beetle she would have been done for animal cruelty, whats shes put him through. All for a bit of beetle juice. He should have realised on the night before his wedding, she will step on a stag beetle.
So Kiefer Sutherland is going to serve time for DUI. Wonder if he ever acts under the influence, from his father.
New Films
In Saw IV the Jigsaw killer lives on. Incredibly before dying he tape recorded various new games for future victims. This guy should work for the Olympic planning committee. If Jigsaw man did Sat Nav, “Joe, I want to play a game, do as I say and you will increase your chance of surviving, now turn left…”
Anyone see Hostel 2? I can’t believe that hostel is still in business. You never get your passport back, you get drugged then tortured and killed. I wonder what star rating they get. I’d prefer to stay at Fawlty Towers.
Tourism can’t have been helped in Alaska this winter with the film 30 Days Of Night. The title is a give away but the film also features supernatural flesh eating zombies. Come to Alaska for the cold winter bite.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Joes View
F1 Racing driver Lewis Hamilton is dating the boss' daughter. Apparently he likes her lap dances. He must really like living in the fast lane. His boss will know about all the moves he might try.
A poet has been employed to read at Reading Station. The amount of waiting time she could read War And Peace.An arrest warrant is out for new Man City football club owner Thaksin Shinawatra. Maybe he has been playing away from home.
If Karl Rove is Bush's Brain then what is Dick Cheney?
O.J. Simpson's book If I Did It is to be published, along with JFK's If I was Shot, and Bill Clinton's What If I Did Have Sexual Relations With That Woman.
Hate sequels, I didn't like going through rush hour the first time. Too long and was going nowhere.
Baby Spice lives up to her name and has a baby.
The Bourne Rhodedendrum, Jason Bourne tries to stop a botanist from blowing up the world.
Bourne Free, Jason releases lions on heat seeking missiles.
Bourne Again, Mel Gibson to direct.
Bjorn Ultimatum, serve an ace or die.
A man has had his hand surgically whittled to be better able to use the Iphone touch screen. They should make a phone for him, the Ipodge.
An ancient forest has been discovered in Hungary, tree trunks 8 million years old. That's a lot of rings to count. More than Elizabeth Taylor has.
A girl who works in a sandwich shop overdosed on coffee. She might be one sandwich short of a picnic. I know listening to too much Ice T can be bad for your health though.
Karl Rove has stepped down. The retired neo-con helped Bush into power. Imagine Rove in a retirement home.
Karl Rove : Hell, Nurse wheres my dinner?
Nurse : It'll be ready in 45 minutes.
Karl Rove : I don't believe you. That Stevie Wonder is playing his music too loud.
Nurse : Let me plump your pillow. Settle down now.
(Rove sneaks out, enters Stevie Wonders room and turns off the record player)
Stevie Wonder : Who's that, turn my music back on.
later on...
Nurse : Did you turn off Stevie's record player?
Karl Rove : I must admit I did, it was a pre-emptive strike.
Nurse : And you shouted at Buffy The Vampire Slayer next door?
Karl Rove : Understand, its a war on Sarah Michelle Geller.
A poet has been employed to read at Reading Station. The amount of waiting time she could read War And Peace.An arrest warrant is out for new Man City football club owner Thaksin Shinawatra. Maybe he has been playing away from home.
If Karl Rove is Bush's Brain then what is Dick Cheney?
O.J. Simpson's book If I Did It is to be published, along with JFK's If I was Shot, and Bill Clinton's What If I Did Have Sexual Relations With That Woman.
Hate sequels, I didn't like going through rush hour the first time. Too long and was going nowhere.
Baby Spice lives up to her name and has a baby.
The Bourne Rhodedendrum, Jason Bourne tries to stop a botanist from blowing up the world.
Bourne Free, Jason releases lions on heat seeking missiles.
Bourne Again, Mel Gibson to direct.
Bjorn Ultimatum, serve an ace or die.
A man has had his hand surgically whittled to be better able to use the Iphone touch screen. They should make a phone for him, the Ipodge.
An ancient forest has been discovered in Hungary, tree trunks 8 million years old. That's a lot of rings to count. More than Elizabeth Taylor has.
A girl who works in a sandwich shop overdosed on coffee. She might be one sandwich short of a picnic. I know listening to too much Ice T can be bad for your health though.
Karl Rove has stepped down. The retired neo-con helped Bush into power. Imagine Rove in a retirement home.
Karl Rove : Hell, Nurse wheres my dinner?
Nurse : It'll be ready in 45 minutes.
Karl Rove : I don't believe you. That Stevie Wonder is playing his music too loud.
Nurse : Let me plump your pillow. Settle down now.
(Rove sneaks out, enters Stevie Wonders room and turns off the record player)
Stevie Wonder : Who's that, turn my music back on.
later on...
Nurse : Did you turn off Stevie's record player?
Karl Rove : I must admit I did, it was a pre-emptive strike.
Nurse : And you shouted at Buffy The Vampire Slayer next door?
Karl Rove : Understand, its a war on Sarah Michelle Geller.
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