Joe Blog's Interview #109 Does Insanity float your boat?

Name : Bruce Napier
Age : Old enough to know better
Location : The Inland Waterways of the UK
Vocation : Psychologist
Philosophy : Carpe Diem

Sum up what your blog is about.
The experience of living on board a narrow boat, cruising the waterways of England, the challenges and philosophical insights of doing that.

Why are you doing your blog?
Originally keeping the family informed, and to have a record of our cruising out there.

What’s the funniest entry on your site?
Not for me to judge - what do you think?

What is your writing style?
Based on Sir Ernest Gowers' Complete Plain Words.

What do people commonly say about your site?
Don't stop (reminds me of my dream last night...)

What would you be doing if you weren’t doing your blog?
Polishing brass, probably

Why should someone visit your site?
To find out what it's like living on board - lots of people ask about it, and you can't tell them in a few words.

What did you learn from your first love?
Carpe puellam (I should've asked her faster...)

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yours, of course.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Albert Einstein, and Sarah Michelle Gellar, the former for his wit and looks, and the latter for her intelligent conversation, (true)

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
These Americans on a hire boat had tried to run a 2 kWatt hairdrier on the inverter, and blown it. I switched it back on for them.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
This guy's walking along a beach and finds an old bottle. He rubs it clean, and out pops the genie to give him three wishes. 1) Give me the body of a footballer - flash, bang! and he looks like David Beckham. 2) Make me a millionaire - flash bang! and the genie hands him the number of his Swiss bank account. 3) Make me irresistible to women - flash, bang! and he turns into a box of Belgian chocolate.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Give up work, buy a boat.

Any interesting travel stories?
The whole damn blog!

What experience did you take from being a clinical psychologist?
1) Everyone's a hero in their own story - there are no spear carriers and 2) the route to happiness is using your skills to help others.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
How come, in the 21st century, two of the longest established democracies in the world couldn't stop their leaders making the mistakes they've made in Iraq?

Joe Blogs : Firstly war is a failiure of democracy. The actions of Bush and Blair were the actions of two colonial powers, who thought they were still in the early 20th century. They didn't realise the voracity of 24 hour media, and strong public opinion.

Politicians can talk a good talk when campaigning for election, but when it comes to governing a country there are other issues. Globalisation, national security, and resources are key here.

Scaremongering over WMD and Saddam, made the public go along with the government. They say power corrupts. No one knew for sure what would happen when the coalition entered Iraq, but few could have expected the clashes we have seen. Politicians are elected as the peoples representatives. There is some apathy toward the political process, so some people have gotten used to bad government, and their issues being unheard.

What’s the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
My marriage to a woman who still puts up with me after 30+ years.

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Should we send colony ships to these extra-solar planets, and who should we send?

Joe Blogs : Although the explorer in me says yes, billions of dollars would be better spent helping people on planet Earth in poverty. Although you have to weigh that up with the chance to send Posh Spice and her singing to a galaxy far far away...

Your Site Address : Living In Sanity

Joe Blog's Interview #108 Legendary Mr Biffo

Name : Paul Rose AKA Mr Biffo (IMDB) (Wiki)
Age : 35
Location : London, UK
Vocation : Writer
Philosophy : Confused sort of liberal, lefty, hippy-drip stuff. But I'm not too sure about any of it.

Sum up what your blog is about.
What are blogs ever about? It's about me. Of late, it's about me plugging my new book.

Why are you doing your blog?
I started during a period when I was struggling to start work in the mornings. It was originally meant to be a warming-up exercise, but I got hooked. It gives me an opportunity to write without notes from script editors, or producers, or random passers-by. It's the only writing I get to do where I'm not answerable to anyone else, and where nobody is going to chip in with their own ideas. And that's liberating. And sexy.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
I'm sure everyone finds different bits funny. To be honest, though, I'm not necessarily trying to write funny as that takes effort, and my blog is a very first-draft-y stream-of-consiousness. I just write how I write. That said, there is an entry about the time I got accused of touching an Italian man's bottom in Tesco. I suppose that could be considered funny. Though at the time it was just plain harrowing.

What is your writing style?
I've no idea. What a strange question. That's like asking a tap whether its water tastes good.

What do people commonly say about your site?
They don't really. They just start asking me about things I'd forgotten blogging about. It can be a touch confusing. It's strange, but I feel very awkward and self-conscious when I meet people who've been reading my blog. It's like coming face to face with the man who has been taking photos of you in the shower, and it turns out he has posted copies of the photos to all your friends, family, and colleagues. And you've got a really small penis.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
My proper job. Or filing some VAT receipts. Or entertaining my children. Something less self-serving anyway.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because they can learn where to buy Confessions of a Chatroom Freak, this years funniest book. Also, to make them feel good about themselves, and to make me feel really uncomfortable.

What did you learn from your first love?
That I like curvy brunettes. And that I make a much better husband than boyfriend.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
Yes, but I rarely have the time. Scaryduck is always well written, as is the intermittent blogging of Doctor Whose.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Living or dead? Living, I've got a soft spot for Stephen Fry, and Carrie Fisher. They seem like intelligent, friendly people with a bit of a story to tell. Possibly Julian Cope. Dead: Jesus. Oh wait he's not dead. Or is he? Actually, forget it. Jesus is just too damn confusing to invite.

Tell us about the idea behind your new book.
It's me pretending to be a young woman, going into Internet chat rooms, and waiting for dirty old men to start talking to me. And then once they've got good and hot, I send them my photo. The book contains the genuine transcripts of what occurred. I think and I hope its very funny. And a bit disturbing. I keep telling myself that its making an important point about online activities, but I'll let readers draw their own conclusions. The mask reveals the man and all that.

Tell us about the process you go through when you write.
The first few pages of anything I write are the most tortuous and re-written of the entire piece. I will spend days agonizing over the first few hundred words. After that I'm flying. And you can never predict when inspiration is going to strike. I have been known to write nothing all day, and then like a bolt out of the blue suddenly be writing like a demon from 10pm until 6am the following morning.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I helped a woman carry her pushchair up a flight of stairs. Also, I cured cancer.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
This isn't a particularly funny story, but for some reason this is the first thing that came into my head. At my school there was a boy called Michael Wilson, and for years I told him that there was a poo in a cage in my father's shed, and that I used to feed it toilet paper. You're glad you asked now, aren't you?

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Keep going. But that was the advice I did give myself, so ya know. I'm not a great believer in hindsight. My life, 5 years ago, was a toilet. Regrets? I've got a few. But I wouldn't change a thing. I should be writing songs, really.

Any interesting travel stories?
I went to Chernobyl last year, which was about as interesting as you'd imagine. Kiev was the real surprise though; it's one of the finest cities I've ever been too. Also, I got winked at in an underpass by a woman who I don't believe was a prostitute. That kept me buoyed for weeks. I'm shortly hoping to go on an expedition to South American to search for giant anacondas and apemen, with the Centre for Fortean Zoology. That's not even a lie.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
Not really. Nobody wins online debates.

Joe Blogs : I thought your book was about online mass debate?

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
Just that I continue to make a living out of doing the thing I love doing most. And having a book published is proving to be pretty cool.

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
Why haven't you bought my book yet?

Joe Blogs : I'll check it out, it looks like a good book. Thanks Mr Biffo, as a reader of the former Digitiser Magazine on Channel 4, it was a pleasure to interview you. Mr Biffo is also a BAFTA nominated screenwriter and has written for many shows including Eastenders and My Family to name but two. I lifted this from Wiki, made me chuckle : "He(Mr Biffo) once managed to provoke complaints over his episode of EastEnders where the character Dirty Den uttered the phrase "Big constables" in a way that implied profanity. (Interview in Retro Magazine)." That's legendary!

Your Site Address : Mr Biffo

Joe Blog's Interview #107 Female Science Professor

Name : Female Science Professor
Age : Older Than You
Location : Blogosphere
Vocation : Science Professor
Philosophy : Sarcasm










Sum up what your blog is about.
The quotidian and cosmic academic experiences of a quasi-senior woman science professor who loves her job but finds some aspects of it more annoying and puzzling than others.

Why are you doing your blog?
I like to write, I like to communicate with lots of random anonymous people, and I like to make fun of annoying and absurd professional colleagues.

What's the funniest entry on your site?
Almost anything about a faculty meeting, believe it or not: e.g. Real Men & Diversity, http://science-professor.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html

What is your writing style?
Professorial, but I want to write like Orhan Pamuk, though perhaps in English, but with more sarcasm.

What do people commonly say about your site?
That what I write either encourages or discourages people, sometimes at the same time.

What would you be doing if you weren't doing your blog?
I would be posting videos of my cats on YouTube. In these videos, my cats' actions are metaphors for major themes in life and global politics: life, death, technology, lawns, war. I feel that I need to share this with the world, although it is extremely annoying when someone's video of a cat sitting in a bird feeder (doing nothing!) gets orders of magnitude, more hits than my cats' dynamic cine-poetry.

Why should someone visit your site?
So that they can see how much fun it is to be a science professor.

What did you learn from your first love?
Statistical Mechanics.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading?
I commonly peruse some academic/science blogs.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Do I have to choose a living person? If so, then I choose Orhan Pamuk. If I can choose a dead person but not have them actually be dead at the dinner party, I choose Herodotus. If Herodotus was too busy, Strabo would be OK too.

What area of science do you find most fascinating?
Physical sciences.

What in science developments do you see having the most impact in the next couple of decades?
Science research related to critical societal issues involving resources, water, climate, oceans, and ecosystems.

Tell us about a good deed you have done recently.
I just fed my cats. I had no choice, but it still counts as a good deed.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
A friend of mine was working in a restaurant and a rather rude customer came up to her and said MAKE ME A HAMBURGER. She pretended to touch him with her magic wand and said POOF! You're a hamburger!

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
Feed your cats on Friday, 27 April, 2007. Throw out that purple shirt now.

Any interesting travel stories?
I was traveling alone in a remote region of the world with a highly recommended guide/driver who spoke even less of my language than I did of his, and I only knew a bit of his. He kept taking me to the wrong places and I kept saying, using the few words of his language that I knew: "This [X = name of the incorrect destination] is bad. This [X] is wrong." He muttered unhappy-sounding words and took me to the next wrong place. I said "NO, this [X] is very bad. This [X] is very wrong." I tried to point on the map where I wanted to go, but he ignored me. He started screaming and hitting me on my arm. I endured another hour of wrong destinations and screaming and hitting. Finally he drove me to a military station and took me to some heavily armed men, and continued screaming while pointing at me. One of the soldiers laughed and asked me "Do you know what this man's last name is?" I said no, I only knew his first name. Well, his last name was... X. He thought I had been saying that HE was a bad person, and my rudeness finally made him so mad that he decided I should be arrested. The soldiers told me to fire him because he was crazy and I shouldn't be alone with him.

Do you have any strong opinions you would like to debate with me?
Sans-serif fonts are far superior to serif fonts.

Joe Blogs : As we all know Sans-serif fonts are for bolder headlines and Serif fonts are not. Serif fonts have details on the end of strokes, San's-Serif meaning without, in French. Sans-Serif is commonly known as Gothic, and Serif as Roman. I'm partial to a bit of Times New Roman myself, much prettier than Aerial! I'm sure the Pope prefers his own font though.

What's the most incredible thing that ever happened to you?
My daughter was born exactly at 5:00 pm at the exact moment that NPR plays that top-of-the-hour pre-headline music intro, and so every day when I listen to NPR I relive the experience of childbirth and I'd really rather not (although my daughter is the greatest thing in the world blah blah blah).

Now it's your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.

Do you think it is appropriate to give people names, to pets?

Joe Blogs : A pet is supposed to be a joy so why not give it a human name. It's not like it can pick a name for itself. On the other hand giving a pet a personality and talking to it like it understands your every word can be a bit inappropriate. I'm talking about those people that constantly carry their dogs round in bags or in their arms, and let them lick their faces. So you'd prefer non human names, how about Spock, or E.T?

Your Site Address : Female Science Professor