Sunday, January 28, 2007

Joe Blog's Interview #56 Mom Knows Best

Name : Emma Kaufmann
Age : 36
Location : Baltimore, MD
Vocation : to make people laugh.
Philosophy : I drink therefore I am.

Sum up what your blog is about. The blog tells it like it is, cuts through the crap cake, basically gets to the jelly inside the jelly donut.

Why are you doing your blog?
I'm an ex pat British woman living in the USA who has two kids who scream a lot. To prevent myself going nuts I started blogging.

What’s the funniest entry on your blog?
My stint working for a blind dominatrix is, I think, a bit of a classic:

What is your writing style?
Some people say I am serious about being funny. I like to make my posts literary, thought provoking and thoughtful, as well as making people piss their pants laughing.

How much would you sell your blog for?
$5,000. Any offers?

What do people commonly say about your site?
That they spluttered into their coffee when they read one of my posts.

Why should someone visit your site?
Because you will always find something worth reading, and that's a guarantee. It's as close you can get to being inebriated, without alcohol.

Climate change is caused by man. Myth or reality?
Reality, but I say thank God, because until last week I was wearing a t-shirt.
Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading? one of the best written and funniest blogs anywhere black humor, nasty jokes, I love this guy! There is simply nothing more to say than, this man is a genius.

What would you have written on your tombstone?
She was a slacker but had a good heart

Would you go on a reality TV show?
Yes, I'd love to go on Extreme Makeover, but just to have my boobs lifted, which isn't extreme enough. Also I'm not ugly as a toad. You have to make an ass of yourself and have weird stuff done like vaginal rejuvenation surgery and Brazilian butt implants, and my vagina is quite rejuvenated as it is, also my butt is big enough too. So that dream may never come true.....

What one website would you recommend and why?
he makes me pee my pants

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind.
My husband, John, who does research on brains which frequently requires him hanging out in morgues and getting brains out of heads and scanning them, has been eagerly awaiting the death of a seventy-two year old woman. The woman, who had signed her brain over to medical research, has an extremely rare brain disease, and John and his colleagues have been dying to get their hands on this rare brain and its diseased cerebellum. So, yesterday morning he gets the call that the woman is dead, and his eyes light up with excitement. The way he told it, there was mass hysteria in the morgue as he and his colleagues high fived each other with glee. I just hope to God there were no grieving relatives about to witness the spectacle.It reminds me of that scene from Borat. Borat is in a hotel and the manager brings him up a telegram and reads it out to him. Borat, looking morose, "You are telling me my wife is dead?""Yes sir, I'm afraid that is what it seems to say."Borat grins. "My wife is dead. High five!"He and the manager high five. Priceless!

Had any supernatural experiences?
No. I bloody well wish I had.

What advice would you have given yourself 5 years ago?
I gave up giving myself advice a long time ago since I never take it.

Can you tell us a joke?
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened last night?"
"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife.
"Piss on him," answered the husband.
"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."
"Well, f**k him," said the husband.
"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."

Tell us just one of your favourite actors, actresses, comedian, song and film.
Favorite actor: Owen Wilson (I would very much like to sleep with him...and he is, of course, a very talented actor).
Favorite actress : Cate Blanchett (best actress alive)
Comedian : Sacha Baron Cohen

What’s the most incredible thing that’s ever happened to you?
Losing weight this past year and transforming myself into a Super MILF!!

And finally, what would you wish for with 3 wishes?
To become an international superstar
To become a millionaire
To publish a comedy book

Now it’s your turn! Ask me one question, anything you like.
If you could have plastic surgery what part of yourself would you change?

Joe Blogs : I don't know about change. But I might add a few parts, another arm, a couple more legs, and some wings. Oh and a deadly Scorpions tail.

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